...

The worse part?

I'm not feeling sad about all this. I barely cried, earlier.

I feel like I've lost something in myself. But talking to my mom on the phone helped. Just having that connection with someone.

...

I don't know how to feel anymore.

I would've liked to...

(sighs)

Talk with Fola.

Now, this means... I have a short memory. Or it means that the good stuff between us all outweighed the bad.

It means maybe, that I still love her. But, I... Don't know if missing her means that I love her.

And that terrible dream.

Maybe.

I'll...

(sighs)

See her again.

If we are meant to see each other.

I don't know.

Those signs and synchronicities were between us. I believed she was my false twin flame at one point.

But.

Yeah.

I should let her go, but I...

Fuck.

I am.. Confused.

I don't want to go to sleep right now. I want to stay up. And think. And feel. And dream of better things and ways I can improve and to foster hope and faith, and healing, and...

I just don't have the time.

I don't know how others manage to find contentment in their day.

But they do.

I must keep trying. And I must not take my time off for granted.

It's the most important thing there is.

Freedom.

And I must make the most of it once I have it.

I miss you dad. I miss you Fola. And I miss Gina, and I will be missing my mom when she passes away.

And then I will truly be alone.

And that must never be allowed to happen.

(sighs)

I must try.

I must keep going.

Until my dying breath.