Interesting night of sleep I've had.
Woke up once somewhere at around 2am, and recalled a fragment of a dream where I confessed wholeheartedly to my stepdad about how I cannot do insulating work for the rest of my life. I remember the depth of what I was telling him, and how sincerely I communicated this feeling. At the end, I recall having had a few tears go down my cheek.
I then woke up at around 5am. It made no sense to be up this early, and my first thought was Fola. I imagined she must have been awake as well, and was perhaps thinking about me. I had the sense that she might have been meditating.
And as I allowed my thoughts to think of her, my body was switching between three "positions" that were unusual. The first one was placing both hands across my chest, with the flat of my right foot pressed against the side of my right knee. It felt so good and comfortable, but unconventional. I remember instinctively doing this position around the time when we first met.
Second position was me laying on my right side with both arms outstretched and hands clasped outward. My right leg overlapped onto my left, and my knee was in this perfect groove that made this position also extremely comfortable. Again. Unusual.
Last position is harder to describe. It was my right arm across and under my chin, with part of my left hand also under the chin. It was like a choke hold almost. I've forgotten how my legs were arranged, but again, unconventional and comfortable.
When I woke up at 5, I was not only thinking of Fola, but I felt this clarity about myself. This "clear" and "bright" feeling. It is still lingering now, as I sit in my car having coffee.
I also remembered thinking that I had a "productive" night of dreaming. There is no real better way of me describing it. It felt like I dreamed what I needed to dream, and that there was something worthwhile, that had been accomplished. Whatever that might have been.
I find it interesting also, that I haven't had any dreams of Fola, really. In all my time with her and up until now; I've only had two, that I can remember. For someone who is apparently my soulmate or twin flame, this is unusual. I would imagine I'd be dreaming more frequently of her.
And another interesting fragment I remember, is a dream where I went to a house and it was a mess. It was my house, and papers were strewn about. I remembered entering the front door, wondering why it was unlocked.
And as I investigated the reason why everything was a mess, I came across a short woman with dark blond hair. She appeared to be in her late 20s or early 30s, and I got the sense that she was... Or is, involved in a relationship with me. But she found out something that she didn't like, among my papers, and I remembered having to be concerned and asking her what was wrong.
That's it for that one. Not quite sure how to analyze it, other to imagine there was a sense of betrayal involved that I was somehow responsible for. Perhaps she represented the woman making her way towards me, but I don't know who she was, really. She did look familiar somehow.
Hmm.
So, yeah. Felt like a productive night of dreaming, if that makes any sense. Waking up at that time was unusual also, and so were those three positions. I also, ahem, was aroused enough that I had to relieve some tension in thinking about my ex. Wasn't too proud of that, but it was a really nice orgasm and I didn't care that she was on my mind during it. I am not going to be fighting these thoughts.
New day. Still don't have a job, and still not wanting to insulate. There are tons of calls in the hall, over 30 of them, but I am really not feeling like going to work soon. Not that I don't want to work, and contribute towards society; but because I feel that I am being wasted in the occupation that I am in. Still, though, I don't have any other options that I can think of pursuing. Yesterday I thought I would be great as a counsellor, but I would need a year of schooling in order to get accredited. I don't have the finances to do that with.
(sighs) still trusting that the man upstairs has my back. Today feels different. I am assuming that there are processes in motion that take time to complete. I will have to wait patiently while they do. The clarity and feeling of accomplishment; surely indicates some form of satisfaction has been granted. Perhaps I have experienced answers or encouragement during my sleep, even if I cannot remember what those are.
Let's hope my gut is right on this one.
No.
Let's know that it is.
There are powers out there that are beyond imagination and scale.
And they are benevolent.
I am watched over.
And I am loved.
