Fola earlier tried to goad me into having another argument today, and hilariously enough, it was because I didn't watch her video.
This one here, in question:
I love the first comment. Didn't see it until now, because I wanted to add the link to the blog:
Crystal Cobain18 hours ago (edited)
Good job Ms. Cobain. Aptly named after one of my teenage heroes.
Yeah. What a fucked up mess this is. Fola got upset that I haven't watched this video yet, and the very fact that I've seen this couple before in an earlier video she sent (and disliked) contributed to my lack of interest.
My gut told me after seeing the first video that this "Twin Flame" couple has not exhibited anything that looked like love towards one another. They don't talk like a couple in love. They don't act like one, and Ms. Cobain nailed it by saying that Nicole has a hard time grasping narcissist abuse.
Yeah, like myself up until recently. But now I know better.
So Fola started or tried to start a fight, and I shrugged it off. This of course, made her angry and then I got the spiel about how I disrespect her.
Man.. Such a piece of work she is.
As predicted, the whole conversation began to devolve into one-sided mudslinging and feeble attempts at getting under my skin. I spotted all this coming, thanks to my newly acquired info on karmic relationships. Which also, is what the "twin flame" couple above seems to be in. Ain't no flame in those twins, I tell ya. Other than the abusive and ignorant kind of hot heat.
I feel bad for Nicole. Girl is trying her best to hold it together, but she's clearly the slave in that relationship. Codependent as all hell, definitely living with a narcissist.
They won't last. I'll be sure to check the channel a year from now and see where they are at. I'd be impressed if Nicole can hold out for that long, given how long I've been able to hold on for.
But maybe she's made of stronger and more desperate stuff than I am. We'll see.
Nobody should have to take abuse. And with Fola, I've been given it like a razor blade in a cookie. This delicious treat I get every once in a while that I cut myself on once I get to the middle.
Bleh. So it's over. No uncertain terms expressed. Zero fucks given.
Earlier tonight, both my mom and stepdad were bashing Fola hardcore on just her position regarding how often she wants custody of Ivy for. I nodded, saying that I didn't disagree with any of what they said. When I tried to defend Fola (but, why? because I still love her) by bringing up the shot glasses she gave me a few days ago; my stepdad was like, "oh! she probably found that in the basement all covered in dust!"
Fola did find it in the basement all covered in dust. Heh. Didn't want to tell him how right he was, otherwise the flood gates would open and he'd really go on a rant.
Can't argue with either the logic of my mom or stepdad. They're right. Fola is not for me and she's... she's got serious issues.
In our texts, it was obvious she was grasping for straws once she said, "I am not important to you" and I was like SMH. Come on. Not important? You were the most important person I've ever come into contact with. I adored you. Revered you. Forgave you multiple times for your transgressions and lack of respect towards me.
Not important. Geez.
She knew she was reaching there. Or lying completely. Or just plain not thinking about what she was saying.
Yeah, I loved her like nobody else in my life. Not even Lauren.
But she blew it. Sayonara m'lady. We're done.
Wrote it on my chalkboard too, "Goodbye Fola" it says. In nice big letters.
It's such a shame. Such.. well, a waste. On her end, anyways. This opportunity was never one she took seriously or gave the respect that it deserved.
Well, that's another chapter closed in my life. And yes, dear reader, I am well aware that this is probably the 5th or 6th time we've "broken up" and that there are no guarantees I won't somehow be back in contact with her again. I mean, she still owes me money, so I would not be surprised if she shows up with another fifty bucks out of the 500 or so she owes me.
Eh. I didn't have it in me to tell her to not bother. Let her pay me back. I'm strong enough now to be able to look her in the eye as she hands over the money. And stronger still, to not invite her inside like I did the last time.
Just take the money and say, "thanks. Have a good one." and that's that.
Well, we'll see how it plays out from here. I've a feeling she's not done with me yet. There will be another attempt at contact. But it won't be from my end.
I'm going to pray for her tonight. I think I've prayed twice for her already, asking God or whoever to guide her towards peace within herself. Wisdom. Whatever it is that she needs to heal with.
If a narcissist can change, I'll pray for the slightest chance that they can.
I'll pray for her.
Because I loved that woman. I still do, sort of, but it's different now. Not nearly as emotionally charged. Still there, though.
Got to resist temptation from now on. The next time it presents itself could be her at my front door, with another fifty bucks to give. Who knows? But I won't be so easily swayed, now that I understand her behavior.
And her reasons for acting the way she did. A karmic relationship.
She still owes me that debt. Whatever it is.
There is a reason why it was me who broke up most of the time, with her having done it one time. But then started sending me emails about promising me more love and affection and yada yada.
No more yada yada-ing around this guy. (hooks thumbs)
She's had plenty of opportunities to make us into something beautiful, and she choose to take a fat dump over all of it. Promising one thing one day and forgetting about it the next.
Having the best sex of her life one night, and forgetting about it the next.
Forget, forget forget. Taking it all for granted. Not really moving forward. Just going backwards. Constantly instigating fights. All based on stupid shit. Like the video above she wanted me to watch.
Not going to watch that crap. They're just making excuses.
Right Ms. Cobain?
Excuses.
Fola really wants me to buy into that crap. She does not want to accept that she is the narcissist in our relationship, and that I am the empath. She has really tried to twist and distort everything to fit this narrative of hers.
Well, as my blog already knows, the Truth has been written. In as much detail as I could give it.
Let others be the judge since I already know in my heart that it is true. Her manipulations were stellar Truly works of art and subtlety.
I respect that. It was her function and purpose. It was all intended for me to learn about self-respect and that a love which isn't reciprocated, is a love not worth pursuing.
Or holding onto. In heart, soul and mind.
Michelle is coming over to see my place for the first time tomorrow. I know she will be excited to see the light show I have upstairs. Not like Fola, when she looked at everything with the fog machine going and says in a deadpan voice:
"Why do you have these things?"
Like there was something wrong with me. No delight. No astonishment. No appreciation.
Typical Fola. No matter how good things get, they go unappreciated. They fade.
I suppose a dead and empty soul would not stir in moments like that.
(sighs)
A shell of a human being wouldn't care about such things.
No matter what it happens to be. Or how awesome it is.
No matter how many signs and synchronicities she experiences.
No matter what gets tossed at her.
Just this black hole in her heart, sucking up all the goodness I tried to give her.
And not letting any of it escape.
Well.
It's over.
Pretty sure it is. I feel confident. I don't feel pangs or pulls, this time. Bit of a feeling in my chest. Slight kind of sensation between my eyes, but nothing worth being concerned about.
I feel good.
Ow! (James Brown voice)
Tomorrow is a new day.
More opportunities.
More challenges.
And I will rise to meet them all.
Thank you again, O Infinite Intelligence of Love and Compassion in the Universe and Beyond.
Thank you again.
I will do my best not to disappoint you.
I am grateful for your gift.
Much love.
Between us both.
Its what we believe in and cherish.
There is nothing more important than love.
For now and forever more.
Ready for my next step.
Bring it baby :D
