?

So what does this mean? I'm still connected to Fola. This is my second bad dream of her. Of three, if I can remember correctly.

I'm telling you blog. It was so strange last night, drifting off to sleep and immediately dreaming of her with another guy. I don't remember feeling jealous in the dream, or sad, but I had this feeling that I needed to get out of it, and so I did. I woke up barely minutes later, which is so odd because I was really tired and I've never had a dream stream in the way it did so quickly. And leaving it just as quickly.

(sighs) People reading this (no one) will likely accuse me of looking too deeply into something that might not even be there. I sent Fola a text, describing that I had a weird dream, and experienced odd physical sensations and that I think we are still connected. She hasn't responded, and I doubt she will. I kind of regret sending her that long text I blogged about.

Well. I'm hurting for guidance and advice right now. I went so far as to google spirit guides to see if there is a way for me to connect with them. I also drew a tarot card, which was the eight of cups. Signifying that I have to let something (or someone) go, and to move on.

(sighs) still remembering the three of swords. Can't seem to let go of this woman. Or girl, given her maturity level.

It's not easy not knowing what to do. All I can try, is to bring my mind and soul back to the state it was in before we met. I have a good memory, but I also know that the catalyst for those feelings was Gina. There was a sad acceptance and gratitude going on. I'm not sure how to replicate this. I also listened to that mix I made at the time, constantly. Perhaps music is the key. These vibrations are more powerful than I may know them to be.

Still thinking about my book. Sort of. Thinking more about marketing, really. But the book has to be completed first. Then I can go on and try to promote it.

Offer the first chapter for free, and then sell the rest. Five bucks ebook. Ten or 15 for a physical, if it gets a good reception.

Change has to start NOW and not later. But in camp, I don't have access to my writings. I couldn't fit a laptop into my luggage.

12 hour days.

(sighs) but I'll get seven off.

Time to get serious.

If I aim to make anything of my life, I had better do something and take it seriously.

Otherwise....

I'll be wasting my life insulating. Wasting my potential. Not really doing what I should be. Not having an impact on anyone. Not bringing them value.

I have to try.

Come to me spirit guides.

Tell me what I must do.

Restore me to how I once was.

And bring her to me.

Whoever she is.

In the meantime, I will continue to be trying my best to be myself, and not lose sight of who I am and what I want and must do.

I have a mission to complete.

And I need help carrying it out.

Thanking you in advance.

I know something is listening.