Yesterday was interesting. Shortly after I made the last post, I was contacted by Sheila, who is this lady from eHarmony that wanted to chat with me.
What was interesting in particular, is that she sent me a "smile" in early August that I reciprocated, but when she responded to my message with a one-word answer; I just didn't bother responding. I figured she was one of those vanity queens that wanted the world to cater to them and carry the conversation.
Well, about four days ago, I realized how unfair I was in judging her to be that way, so I send her an apology explaining why I choose to ignore her. She then responded with a slew of messages and suggested we chat that "weekend" which she didn't bother phoning me during.
Until today.
She calls, and its a private number. She didn't give me her number over eHarmony, and explained further that she accidentally chatted with clients of hers (she's a social worker), and that was the reason for all the distrust/lack of messages/etc.
Anyways, we talked for over an hour. About consciousness, mainly, and our thoughts on it. I found myself handling the conversation quite well, knowing about Shrodinger's Cat and bringing up the double-slit experiment, etc. Consciousness, quantum physics, its all the same stuff.
So, she was enthused enough about our conversation that we met about an hour after it ended at Boston Pizza. She was much prettier in person and a lot less snobby than her photos made her out to be. Really intelligent and motivated gal. I enjoyed talking to her.
It was hard eating though. I could barely pay attention to my food, and neither could she. We eventually forgot to take the boxed up remains of our meal before we went over to Ikea.
Again, tight bubble. The world didn't exist except the two of us. We breezed through IKEA without really looking at anything. Stopping for coffee and ice cream near the exit, only to talk for another hour or so.
It was basically four hours of us talking about our exes, mainly. There wasn't much in the way of quantum physics after our phone conversation. Sheila was really hurt by someone who cheated on her, and not only that but twice. Two guys cheated on her. Long-term relationships. 3 and 4 years respectively. Both good looking guys, and she kept showing me photos of the "model" she was involved with.
Meh. I.. I guess it was catharic in a sense. We both got our exes off of our minds. She still didn't seem to be over the "model" guy, and I wasn't completely over Fola, I suppose. I tried to explain the connection Fola and I had, and she couldn't quite understand it. And her connection with her ex was intense, but a different sort of intensity. The dude was cutting "I love you" into his arm when she wanted to break up after finding out he cheated on her. With multiple women.
Brutal stuff. Lots of ugliness coming from us both.
We're also both empaths, it seems.
Anyways. Yeah. Conversation ended on a bit of a downer, when I gave examples to her of how deep my connection with Fola really was; and I think she was weirded out when I explained how we "shocked" each other with "energy" that one evening in bed after doing pot brownies, and yeah. No need to retread old stuff that is already written in my blog, but I could tell she had no idea what to make of all that.
I had her also say, "you guys look so cute together" when showing her photos of us. *sighs* that is not the first time I've heard that. It really.. Yeah.. hit me. We did look good together.
We may even be twin flames.
Fuck, me...
So.. I didn't know where to go after IKEA. I had no plans to do anything. Didn't want to just go home, so I drove outside the city a little bit and found an isolated spot to park in. Sat there thinking about stuff. Listened to music, and then began making my way home where I found another isolated spot on the way there, and sat there for a long while.
Then, Sheila called again. Another long conversation. Really interesting. About relationships, and being an empath. The reason she called was primarily because she read my other blog, and was impressed by the "about me" section I had on there as well as one of my articles.
Yeah, so.. Despite how good this all sounds as far as a potential girlfriend goes; she's not my type. The conversation was stimulating, sure, but I think it was mainly because of how I carried it. I hate to take credit, but I think I said more things of use than she did. So.. I..
Yeah. She... made me miss the ...
Man.
(sighs)
Fola.
Olufolakemi.
...
Sheila called me again today, really excited to talk. Really appreciative of our conversations yesterday. But, yeah. I don't feel much of anything for her, and it reminds me why I don't really like having female friends. Michelle texted me a whole bunch last night too, and that was a bit different because she was asking for advice, and I was happy to provide something of value to her.
But Sheila.. Mm.. Yeah... I'm not going to say I dislike talking to her because I do, but I am also realizing that if and when the lady who is meant for me arrives; I can't divide up my time and energy between her and other people. I mean, I will, obviously, but I won't be able to give my "friend" relationships the attention they might deserve.
Or maybe... The attention needed to sustain them. I don't know. I don't even know if I want to be friends once my lady arrives, but for now it'll do.
It's tough. I didn't do much of anything today. Actually, that is wrong. I cleaned up the place a bit and though it seems like I kept busy for a few hours, there wasn't a whole lot to show for it. Got rid of a bunch of food items, such as cereal from 2014 (Apple Jacks!), and other small odds and ends that I've forgotten about. Cleaned the bathroom. Uhm.. Swept the floor. Wiped the glass on the patio door. Dusted. Random odds and ends.
Then I went to Elk Island Park. There was nobody there until about a half hour after I arrived. A big bus of Asian tourists emptied out, and a crowd of them came towards the lake, holding selfie sticks and whatnot. It was a humorous sight, but I was certainly reminded of how beautiful that lake actually is, and I smiled along with them at how they were appreciating all of it.
I went for a walk shortly after that. It was a gloomy, cloudy day and the sun couldn't be seen; but there did come a moment when it peeked out, and I immediately turned towards it.
And talked.
To me, I like to pretend like the sun is God. Or an aspect of Him, anyways, that I can directly address.
I told him how... I was confused. How I don't really know what to do or where to go. How to steer my life. In what direction.
I reminded him that I appreciate any signs that He felt would be useful to send my way.
Didn't have any signs or anything, unfortunately.
It felt... I felt alone, more or less, but... I also realized that I need to take matters into my own hands. I needed to learn some focus and discipline. I had a book on Yoga with me, and though I keep meaning to try it; I never made a serious attempt of it.
I flipped through this book and realized that I really should be operating off of my intuition. Today was the first time in a long while that I thought about intuition, and how it has served me in the past.
I realized that all those yoga poses were really not as valuable as they seemed, if my intuition did not feel inspired by most of the ones I've looked at. I realized also, that in the past, my body would contort itself in certain ways (during sleep) that came from necessity on an intuitive level.
I most remember placing both hands over my heart, and my right (or left) leg is pressed against the side of the other. I don't remember ever having done this before, but I do know that this behavior started about a month or so before I met Fola. And shortly afterwards as well.
And I thought of other instances in the past where it seems like my intuition knew what it was doing. Even this week, with having quit smoking and not eating hardly anything; I'm noticing that my intuition is at work. I'm operating off of something unseen that is telling me I need to fast, and to cut down on meat, and sugar and coffee.
I've had a single muffin today and I am not hungry.
A raisin-bran muffin. That's all, folks.
I am certainly being prepared (or preparing myself) for something. Not sure what, though.
But something is coming.
I looked up the chakras again, mindful of the third eye sensation I've been having today, and mindful of other instances in the past of other sensations and thought I should research them more fully.
Took a chakra test, and like Boyd once told me at Sundra Healing; it looks like I need to focus on my throat and sacral chakras.
Yeah, chakras. Who knows...
But there is something to that warmth in my chest. The sensation between my eyes. Top of my head, etc. Different things I've experienced at different times in life, and recently.
I tried to figure them all out.
Couldn't really do it. But I do know that certain parts of my body do become energized in some way. But not by any conscious means. I didn't meditate on these chakras. I... don't know how I "activate" the "third-eye" or why I don't seem to have psychic powers even while feeling those sensations.
Who knows... Maybe I do have those powers. But I'm thinking other things. Maybe that third eye sensation doesn't mean what mainstream literature is saying about it. Maybe it means something else.
I don't think the Yogis may have gotten everything completely right in their assessment of the seven major chakras. Or at least there is some part of the puzzle missing in all this. At least in relation to me.
Hmm.
So, I decided I'm going to see what happens if I focus on my throat and sacral chakra. I'm going to try meditating tonight and see if I can effect any change on those, through music and conscious awareness. Maybe burn an incense stick or two while doing it.
Hm.
Life is weird. Such a mystery. I don't know what to make of it sometimes, and I sometimes also think its so simple. So ridiculously simple among all the complexity it seems to have, that I feel dumb for thinking there is more depth than there really is
I'm just thinking that its all about love. Everything is all about love. We're not put here to suffer, we're here to learn how to give and receive love and to understand its value, and our relationships with the ones we love and are loved by; are reflections of the love we have for ourselves and for divinity. For God, perhaps. For nature. For the Universe.
The Infinite Universe of Love and Light.
Hm.
No, it can't be that simple.
Could it?
I'm still focusing on my intentions. I'm still paying extra attention to self-awareness and how my body is feeling and needing.
Right now? Mild third eye, and an interesting heart sensation that is a bit different than before with Fola.
I'm a little excited, thinking that it is a precursor of some sort. That it is leading to something.
Or someone.
Third eye just throbbed as I typed that. Hmm.
Might be an indication of manifestation.
I really should get into a salt bath.
There is something about that, that I seem to be needing right now.
Hm.
Yeah.
Life is weird.
Not sure what else to type here.
I...
I am being lovingly guided towards a higher and happier purpose.
I am blessed with great wealth and prosperity.
Fola loves me unconditionally, and has acknowledged and apologized for the mistakes of the past.
And...
True love is coming my way.
...
Hm.
Yeah.
Bath time.
