...Tirrrreeddd...
Couldn't do a 12 hour shift tonight, got some derision for it too. "Whattya mean you're not working 12s?" from Matt, who ended up leaving 8 hours in due to some "emergency" Pfft.
It was.. a depressing night, actually. I didn't have any fun at all. I felt like a dumb robot going through the motions, and didn't feel like saying very much to anyone there. No real jokes. Nobody really laughed.
Part of the reason for this, aside from not enjoying the work, is Greg. Before the shift started, I was in a conversation with him and somehow it shifted from the presidential election to World War III looming just over the horizon.
The thing about me though, is that I'm very familiar with conspiracy theories and I managed to correct / inform Greg on a few different things. He brought up 9/11, and explained how it was all for "oil", but I believe that's not entirely accurate. I believe there's more to it aside from the obvious, topical reasons that most people list when it comes to talking about 9/11.
Yes, Cheney conducted war games as this was happening, yes pilots were told to stand down. Yes, you can't use a cell phone from 2001 to call anyone at over 2,000 feet in the air. Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams. Yes, they weaken, but what about the squibs? What about the firefighters who claim to hear an explosion in the basement shortly before the collapse? What about the insurance policy taken out a short while before the WTC came down, making Silverstein happy and rich to be done with an aging building in need of repairs? Or him saying, "pull it" shortly before building 7 came down in a free fall? How about those security guards/dogs that were removed from the building weeks prior to the collapse, and reports of a single floor being "renovated" that some people have stumbled across, with the theory being that nano-thermite was painted on the exposed beams? Or the molten pool of metal that burned for months underneath the rubble? Did a plane really hit the Pentagon? With all the cameras around there, all we could get was a short blip of a video that doesn't show a plane at all? Did Osama actually came up with the plan to hi-jack plans, being that he was ex-CIA and that such a gesture seems ultimately pointless, being that there was no benefit to be had from committing such a heinous crime? No profit to be had? What about how all his family members were shipped out immediately on the day of the collapse, rather than hold them for questioning? They were up in the sky even when every other plane in America was ordered to stay on the tarmac.
Yeah... I'm aware of all the details. And when Greg started fear-mongering in regards to Russia vs the United States in an upcoming World War; well.. I listened.
What happens with me whenever I hear outlandish or depressing stuff, is that I listen. I take it all very seriously. I believe everyone has some value in making a prediction, but that's all it was, a prediction. And yet, knowing this, didn't make things any easier for me. I ended up thinking about WWIII during the shift, and the possibility of it happening.
It doesn't help to see stuff like this, either.
"Paulina Takes a Pole" with a blurb at the end that says, "Party on, Paulina" as if swinging around a stripper pole is newsworthy and liberating and empowering and acceptable behavior all at once. Just because she is the daughter of a beloved local hockey icon, doesn't make this okay to print. It's useless information. It's not even entertaining or worth discussing with anyone.
Then there was an article about a big ass sundae being made. Entertainment via gluttony.
78 bucks for "deluxe" potato chips make with rare Nordic mushrooms and "special" seaweed.
A man biting someone's nose off. Wow. Can't wait to tell people about this one.
Big feet.. I don't think I even bothered reading that one. Oh, wait. That's the sex orgy one. Some swingers club in London is banning patrons from wearing clown outfits as they fuck one another. Article reads like it's a normal thing to be visiting a swingers club, and the "ban" is apparently controversial enough to report it on the second page of the paper.
And lastly, someone decapictated a baby Jesus in Ontario and the local "artist" decided to take it upon herself to do a painfully bad restoration. I admit I shook my head after having a tiny inward laugh about it, but it's still sad. It's still pathetic to see what passes for newsworthy these days. Some person fucked up a restoration. And some other person decapictated the statue. I'm not sure which one of these is worse. Of all the others, this is the only thing I would *maybe* report on if I was the editor. But I probably wouldn't, given the humiliation the artist likely has already experienced.
And then this article.
Advertising revenue in newspapers are way down, and further declines are predicted to be seen. Looks like everyone is flocking to the internet, and nobody cares to advertise in print anymore. Also meaning that fewer people are reading the paper, so that means 20% of staff is going to be laid off. Which translates into a shittier newspaper, with no silver lining in sight.
I've been reading about lay-offs in print media for over a decade now. Seems to happen all the time. Why would any young person get into journalism nowadays, given the present state of affairs? Why would any newspaper invest in content that involves serious investigative reporting, if fewer and fewer people are reading their publication? Why not cater to the lowest common denominator and write about sundaes, strippers and noses being bitten off instead of reporting news of quality and substance? It's far cheaper. More entertaining, too. Less thinking involved.
Yeah. The newspaper, that thing I once loved, is on it's knees. Gasping for breath with a black hood over its head, and completely naked and hog-tied. Blubbering out drivel in desperation of retaining what is left of its readership.
Did you know Madonna would give anyone who votes for Hilary, a blow job? Seriously. I read it in the paper. She said, "I'm good, I make eye contact, I swallow" .. and this is acceptable to print? I don't care if it was said in the context of comedy, it's still not something any family paper should publish. Should we be slapping an R rating on newspapers now?
I started reading the paper when I was very young. Mainly for the comics, but I gravitated towards the entertainment section and occasional article or two. I think I was reading it as early as six years old. And there would never be any kind of blurb about celebrities offering blowjobs for votes, or clown costumes being banned at orgies.
Maybe the newspaper does deserve to die. It's only a subset of a larger multi-national corporation anyways. Kind of like AT&T which supposedly is buying out Time-Warner, which was previously a gigantic corporation and is now becoming even bigger. Meaning a lot of cut corners, less editorial control, less personalization and local content, competition.. the list goes on. Soon every newspaper and form of media will be owned by just a handful of megaliths, who will dictate all the media that we consume, with no regards to ethics or quality of service/content, etc. Long as the shareholders are happy, right?
Well, newspapers won't die out completely I don't think, but they've definitely become a shell of their former selves.
The comics used to be great, until they got rid of the good ones due to cost issues. No more Calvin & Hobbes. No more Far Side. Fox Trot. For Better And For Worse. Garfield. Archie. Not even Family Circus, or Ziggy, and even those two are still better than the ones we have now.
The newspaper used to be much thicker. More alive. Relevant.
It used to care about the quality of its writing, with many local sources and now it's basically pulling articles out from other publications and pasting it in. It's skimping. It's being half-assed and negative and oblivious to what its purpose should be, and how much of an effect it has on the psyche of others.
The amount of crime being reported.. (sighs) .. Nobody wants to read bad news. I don't need to hear about a cat that was shot with a bow and arrow. Or another female teacher in a sexual relationship with one of her students. Or another murder. Stabbing. Bombing.
I blame sensationalism, among a few of the things responsible for the death of print media.
I blame careless, misguided editing.
I blame a company that allows its principles to be compromised, in favor of political appeasement, advertising dollars and catering to the ADHD generation, who only are able to pay attention to short blurbs, rather than long-form articles.
I blame a population that fails to see the value in sharing a common point of reference, and are instead inhabiting their own little bubbles where they allow in only the information that interests them most, and they get it all off the internet. Causing a kind of fragmentation among everyone else, being that people are all off doing their own thing, in their own worlds. Further and further distancing themselves from everybody else. Making themselves more segregated and separated from everyone else. And.. sadly, these kind of people don't find newspapers all that compelling. And I don't really blame them. Given the reasons I've stated above.
Who can trust the media to report with fairness and accuracy anymore, anyways? There's too much at risk. Look at how whistleblowers are treated nowadays. Look at how much content is being farmed from elsewhere. Or ignored, for being too controversial. Don't get me wrong, there is some great stuff that is only available on the internet, and news is pretty much instantaneous if you want it; but the average person doesn't have time enough in a day to sort through all that. So, thusly, the population is becoming less knowledgeable and less interested in the day to day going-ons of the world around them. And what they do know, is not what the person next to them also knows. There's no common ground. Instead, there's an infinite horizon filled with rabbit holes for people to fall into. There's too much novelty available. Too many distractions. And there is always something shiny being waved in each person's face.
If I wasn't so tired right now, I'd expand on my argument and make better points, but the sentiment still stands and counts for something. I'm not happy with the way the world is, right now. Or with what people are valuing these days. It's all spectacle, no substance. It's all about personal realities and not staying in tune with the world as much as we used to. We don't sit around for family dinners anymore. Or look through photo albums. Or talk on the phone, like we used to, tethered by a curly cord mounted to a box on the wall, without call-display, so we always had to pick it up and wonder who is calling. Now, we can easily ignore anyone. We don't even have to talk, either. Just text. Calls go to voicemail. Emails. Snapchat. Instagram. Facebook. There's no need for real human interaction anymore it seems.
There's nothing that really unites us with a common point of reference. Like the newspaper used to do. Nowadays, it's Game of Thrones. That sort of stuff is what people talk about around the water cooler these days. Hardly anybody brings up something they've read in the newspaper.
Again.. I wish I could be making a better argument right now. But, I think a good step in the right direction for newspapers; is to separate crime stories into their own section. I don't need to be flipping the pages and finding something depressing on each one of them. Make a crime section. A politics section. An international section. Make it easy to flip through and get past the nonsense that liberally covers almost every page. Invest in quality content. Quality reporters. Discerning editors.
Stop pandering to the lowest common denominator. Keep your dignity intact. Report the news that honestly makes a difference. Both positive, and negative. And keep a balance between the two.
(sighs) anyways.. back to my night. A dumb robot acting mechanically was what I felt like. Depressed about Russian/American relations. Depressed about the upcoming election. Depressed about newspapers dying. Depressed about what I do for a living. Depressed about my ex-girlfriend.
Just depressed.
So much for, "feels good man" which is what I wrote in my last post.
That didn't last long.
When my shift finished up, and I was walking to the parking lot with Doug who openly-speculated about layoffs coming soon (more negativity); I had a quiet moment to myself at my car, when I looked up at the sky and saw how clear it was, and how bright the stars were.
I.. looked up at this one bright star, this same star that I followed years ago, and...
I just wished I was up there. Somehow. Up among the stars, looking down on the planet. Visiting other planets. Being removed from humanity, but still alive. Still thinking. Still curious, and still able to keep optimism and hope and curiosity and creativity somehow...
(sighs)
And.. those flashes of Gina really bothered me tonight. She pops in, and pops right out. I don't want to entertain these thoughts anymore. But, I realize that I do. That a part of me just refuses to let her go and that it would be a form of betrayal if I do, because she is the woman that I love and to let her go, means to concede defeat. To accept that I will never see her again. To accept a life without her.
And.. I.. I'm not ready for that yet. But.. there's nothing. There's no reason for me to have hope, as far as getting back with her goes. I haven't the faintest possibility to latch onto, other than the ones I've conjured up in my mind. And I know how much my imagination can stretch.
(double sighs)
This world, man. This world. It's a mess. I'm not doing too well either. Work is sucking out all the joy out of me, and being without her just makes it harder. I don't care about the money I make. I don't even recognize its value, half the time. It's just.. it feels like something I have to do, rather than something I want to do. And that's exactly what it is. I can't imagine what my life would be like, if I worked for minimum wage. At a job even worse than the one I have.
It's not like its a bad job.. but..
It's not me.
I don't belong here.
I belong up there.
Among the stars.
At least, that's what the romantic in me is saying. But the realist.. (sighs) the realistic side of myself says nope. You're stuck here. Make the most of it.
And, so I try.
Suck it up big boy.
And fasten your seat belt.
Life isn't done with you yet.
Even if you sometimes think it is.
Well...
Off to bed.
