Going Home

Ever wake up in bed with the feeling that something important has happened, but you have no idea what it is?

That's what I got this morning, and I can hardly remember the dreams I was having. Just brief snatches of memory. Three of them, actually, each having nothing to do with the other.

First one, involved Gina, making it the third day in a row I dreamed of her. In this brief flash, I recall us being face to face, and my saying something along the lines of, "I can do whatever I want" and then kissing her neck and her lips while she looked on me with those beautiful eyes of hers.

Next up, was a dream of me in my bedroom. Or a bedroom, since I don't think it completely resembled the actual one I have. In this flash, I remember looking at the bed and the surrounding objects and noticing a kind of "jitter" around everything. My immediate instinct, was that there was some kind of psychic energy being manifested in the room. Causing things to "shudder". When I had this thought, I was then.. and this part is hard to recall correctly -- I was then contacted by some form of intelligence that may have arrived in the form of a round floating ball. I don't remember what it said, but I do remember that instead of reacting towards it with fear, like I probably normally would; in the dream, I accepted whatever it was. Imagine seeing something scary, but instead of running or being afraid, you stand up towards it and you try to understand what it is, and what it might want. That's dream #2.

Last one was of my neighbors. In the dream, I could hear and then see one of their cars driving across my back lawn. Since in real-life they do park in the backyard, I didn't consider this as anything exceptional in the dream. Except, they were moving out, and a moving truck arrived, also parking on the grass inbetween our houses. I remember going out there and looking annoyed and wondering why the screen of my basement window was torn off. The white guys who were in the moving van, gave me a sheepish look for whatever reason or another.

That's it for the dreams. And I also woke up with the urge to listen to "Going Home" by Sam Cooke.

Here are the lyrics:

goin' home
goin' home
I'm a going on
quiet like some still day
I'm just going home

It's not far
It's just close by
through an open door
work all done
care laid by
going to fear no more

mother's there
expecting me
father's waiting too
lot's of folk
gathered there
all the friends I knew
all the friends I knew

nothing loss of days
no more fret or pain
no more stumblin on the way
no more longing for the day
going to roam no more

that morning star lights the way
restless dream all done
shadows gone
break off day
my real life just began
I'm a going home
I'm a going home
I'm a going home

Strange stuff, huh?

For someone who thinks alot about the inner processes like I do, I still am somewhat stumped on what the purpose of dreaming is supposed to be. For a long while, I thought of dreaming as a way of "defragging" your hard drive (mind) in order to better optimize information. It still seems like a reasonable hypotheses, but there are times when I question this theory of mine, because every so often I get data that doesn't seem to fall in line with the idea.

One thing I'm mindful of while dreaming, is to spot triggers. I call them transition-triggers. What they are, are the moments inbetween one dream and the next. Where you can dream of one particular thing, and then suddenly a new dream appears where you dream of something else. 

What causes the transition? What triggers it? Because of how often dreams seem to roll along on a narrative, it's interesting to wonder what breaks or completes the current dream and creates a new one. Did the narrative finish? Or is the theme ongoing? Is there a coherent theme or message being expressed, or is it all simply random?

That's the thing though, I don't believe in randomness when it comes to dreaming. I feel like each of the elements that a person dreams about, has some significance worth thinking about. Sure, I have had dreams where it seemed like absolute nonsense with no rhyme or reason; but there are times when a dream is so coherent and stabilized, that I wonder what the purpose is for it.

So.. yeah. It felt like something important happened to me while sleeping, but I have no idea what it is. Even listing the brief bits I remember, it doesn't ring any bells for me.

If I had to break it down, the first dream is a wish-fulfillment fantasy. Second was.. alien or spiritual contact. Third, was an expression of annoyance towards my neighbors intruding upon my property.

So.. Gina, aliens and trespassing.

There's no link between any of those. And waking up with "Going Home" running through my mind.. well, I haven't a clue...

One time I remembered having three dreams that occurred in perfect sequence. Smooth transitions, and fairly logical ones too. It ended with me turning my back on this beautiful looking naked gal (with a hooded face), in favor of my wife.. who was this brunette. And my child. Who was a boy.

Eventually the hooded-face gal revealed what was underneath, and it was terrifying. She looked reptilian. And to me, this signified the triumph of the spirit over the flesh. In that sense that I overcame temptation, and instead choose my family. Love over lust. 

So... It's interesting to think about. And that sensation of something important having happened to me; well, I haven't a clue, and its still lingering as I type this.

Got to get ready for work today. (sighs) coughed up some phlegm almost immediately after getting up and now it's faux Neo-Citrin time.

Muscles are sore, still feeling a little tired despite how much sleep I got. But I have to go to work. I'm already ashamed of having missed two days and explaining it to anyone who asks, is going to be a bit of a challenge. "I was tired and weak and sore" doesn't really cut it. Even though it's the truth.

Oh well. I just hope it won't be a big deal when I get there. Some people do get jealous at others who take time off. Calling them "part-timers". It's a strange phenomenon, where people feel the need to point out someone who has been absent for a day or two, and kind of diminish them in front of everyone else. I suppose some people feel the need to reinforce what they consider to be "unacceptable" behavior. Or behavior that conflicts with their own sense of right and wrong.

Whatever. Not my problem what other people think. I know I wasn't well enough to work on Saturday, and I'm still not great right now either. But I'm still going.

Two days off flew by. All I really remember of it is grocery shopping, watching those two movies, checking out the first episode of Duck Dynasty which I didn't care for, and playing Xcom; even though I had already finished it last week.

Felt like I wasted my time off. Didn't write anything. And now I know better than to go near video games. They're such time wasters. Gears of War 4 is out, and I toyed with the idea of picking it up, but decided against it. There's no time left for me to waste on such things. I don't want to trade one form of reality for another, and indulge in escapism. I want to be right here. With both feet on the ground. Making the most of the little amount of time I have left. That we all have left. Until the day we die.

There are better ways of spending that time, than to stare at a screen for hours on end.

All things in moderation.

Life is too short to waste.