Faith and patience.
How do I accumulate faith?
By becoming convinced that it is a good quality to have.
And to be convinced, I need.. signs.
And.. there has been a few, but they are so subtle.
I really need to let go.
And believe.
Or..
Take charge of my life.
Should I follow my heart, or my ego?
My ego wants to leave the scarecrows..
My heart.. well, that's a tough one. It's hard distinguishing it from what my ego wants.
But, buried within me is the answer.
I want to be with her, but I can't contact her.
And.. if I love her.. if I do love her..
I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I fight? Should I try?
Or should I let go?
And allow "it" to happen?
Whatever, "it" is.
I need to place faith somewhere..
If not in myself.. if not in her..
Then..
I don't know.
These posts are scaring me a little. They're.. not indicative of a loving, hopeful person.
I'm too bogged down by all this.
And I shouldn't be. I.. work depletes me. It makes it harder for me to know exactly how I should be feeling, because I just don't have enough time to really pay attention to myself.
I'm taking the night off.
Fuck it.
It's needed.
