So, after posting my last entry, I decided to skim through some of the older posts.
(cringes)
Yeah.. they're bad. In a pathetic way, even.
Yep. This isn't how I want to be. I need my sense of humor back. I need to stop posting about Gina and try and find other things that are worth talking/thinking about.
But, it's tough, let me tell ya.
Everything reminds me of her. I have a box of Pizzelle on my counter, which are these vanilla-flavoured Italian wafers that I remember her once saying, "Pizzelle...!" in this cute faux-Italian accent of hers this one time we were at the Italian supermarket.
(sighs)
And she's.. the most important thing in my mind right now. Sad as it is to say.
So..
Man..
I've got to re-prioritize. Got to place my focus on where it can benefit me most.
Writing. Meditation. Self-improvement.
Maybe, I should focus on the goal of taking a vacation once this job is done.
Go off to Zimbabwe, or someplace remote. Just by myself. New people. New faces.
And.. learn.
Share.
Whatever it is that I will end up doing.
Hmm. Czech Republic.. I'd love to go there someday and see where my dad is from.
But.. I don't work at my job with that kind of thought in mind. I work because I need to survive. I don't consider it as a way of realizing my dreams, even though that's exactly the point of work.
To realize a better life for myself. To give me the means to have one, anyways.
Hmm.
Such a pathetic batch of entries on my blog. I'm really not proud of the tone I'm using in my posts and the.. seemingly lack of optimism I have in many of them. I'm taking myself too seriously, and that needs to change.
My sense of humor is one of the best parts of who I am, and none of it has been on display for a while.
Just taking things too seriously, I guess.
Got to let levity in.
Time to fire up some weed, and zone out to the lasers.
I'll find myself again someday.
I always do.
