Alan Watts has given me pause for thought.
The random quote I got today on my phone was this:
"Never pretend to a love which you don't actually feel, for love is not ours to command."
And, I have to ask myself. Am I pretending to love Gina? Or, is it something else? Is she a fantasy I'm hoping for?
I don't know. And I don't have much time to think right now, as I'm posting this from the parking lot at work and need to go soon.
Did 20 minutes of meditation today and it sucked.
Within the first few minutes, I cried. Thinking about her again, until I could calm myself down and focus on my breath. And by the time I pulled myself together, the twenty minutes was up.
I don't think I'm going to come in to work tomorrow. It's double time, but it's optional too. And I'm still not feeling well. Coughing, got a cold, feeling tired.
(sighs)
Life goes on.
Without her.
