With the fog machine, and the right music, it's sooooooo good.
And while watching this, I was listening to random songs on my headphones and making a small playlist of "Green Light (fog)" music that worked well with the effects.
Did the same for the red laser beam. Tweaked the lighting of the room with the Philips Hue bulbs, and then hunted down the right music (still in progress).
You know, the hope is strong with me right now. As inexplicable at it sounds, I am actively creating these "moments" so that I can unpackage them quickly, in case someone special comes by.
Someone special like her, of course. Gina.
Which is who I realize is motivating me to do all this. Tweak the lighting in my rooms, so if she does come back, she will be extremely impressed with what I've been able to do.
And I realized something else, as well. If Gina is TRULY my soulmate, assuming the idea actually exists, then I know that it is only a matter of time, before I hear from her.
However, if she is not my soulmate, then I will never hear from her again. It can't be just me doing all the work. I would never ignore an email like the one I wrote to her, had our positions been reversed.
I would not so easily turn my back on love. And neither would my soulmate.
Yet, she did.
Even if she didn't listen to my cd. She had to have read my email.
And that would be all my true soulmate would need.
If Gina doesn't believe me, then I am truly not responsible for whatever the repercussions are. Such as living out the rest of our days in loneliness, and loathing, and regret.. Although, I'm not feeling too much of any of those. Except for loneliness, I'm not loathing or reg.. Well, wrong. I am regretful at certain times. Such as whenever I think about how I missed the chance to meet her kids.
I did meet her mom on the phone though.
(sighs)
There's no sense in regret, I guess. I know that I could be only the man I was at the time, with her. All those bad relationships and dates, and years of loneliness and wanting...
Well, I wanted to look my gift horse in the mouth before allowing myself to get excited.
That's all.
I was too scared that someone like Gina would be a ruse, and that I would suffer a terrible heartbreak if I opened myself up to her, and she rejected me.
Well..
Again, if she was my soulmate. She has to bear some responsibility in not wanting to get back together with me. Given that she broke up through text, ignoring my messages afterwards, and not ever telling me how something could be wrong enough with us, that a sudden breakup like this, was to be expected.
I did not deserve to be broken up with, like the way she did it.
I did care for her. I didn't love her, but I cared. I wanted to love her.
But my fears were getting in the way.
Now that they're gone, and now that I'm ready and able to be the best man I can possible be with the woman I love, and that I've confessed all this to her in email; then I've done all that I can. My "soulmate" would hear the truth of my words, and will act upon them. Eventually.
I refuse to believe that human stupidity and skepticism will triumph over the wisdom of our souls and hearts.
But, perhaps it can.
That's why I wait.
To see if Gina really is that stupid. And whether or not soul mates cab actually exist.
Because if I never hear from her again...
Well, that's where spirituality comes in. The afterlife is not going to be pretty, if I arrive there after having died without knowing who my true love is. And if it was her, there will be big trouble once I make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. Assuming that there is a light.
But apparently many near-death experiences claim that there is.
Anyways.. my bedroom is beautiful. I've got the green laser going only, with the yellow tinted bedroom light. It's perfect.
Gina would absolutely love it.
I'm ready now.
Bring her on.
