If I aim to keep what is left of my dignity, then I must not contact her again.
No scarecrows.
No snowmen for Christmas.
No happy birthday sign in May, also planted on the side of the road she drives to work on.
I can't go through with any of it.
So, I should start "forgetting" right? Just let her go, gently from my embrace. It's all I can do. She won't contact me. She is not going to suddenly arrive on my doorstep someday, with a "I loved your cd" or a "do I still have your heart?"...
That's gullible. Horrifically so.
No. I can't do it. I am that gullible, but I can't gamble on whether or not Gina is too.
I think she wants to believe in love, as much as I do.
But how do I know for sure?
I don't.
And... That's where the pain is. The not knowing. The uncertainty.
I know she doesn't love me.
But I'm sure she would have.
If I was the me back then, that I am now.
Humbled.
Hopeful.
.... Time to sleep.
