I just realized, that I must decide to never contact Georgina again. That means, I can't do my idea next month where I plan on leaving scarecrow figures and a sign that says, "Happy Halloween" on the road where Gina drives to work. It's a stupid idea. I would then come back two days later, and place another scarecrow holding up a sign that says, "BOO-Tiful". So she will know its from me.
God, I can't go through with it. I sound like a crazy person.
And that's exactly what I am, if should I decide to do something dumb like I described above.
Gina has to be a powder keg right now. I can't touch her in any way from here on out. Ever. Because, the consequences would be too severe.
I've already done enough. I've proclaimed my love to her. I made her the cd, and if she threw it away again, then so be it.
But, if she read the email and listened to the cd.
Then, all I can do is wait. And hope.
That's it.
Leaving shit on the side of the road where she works, over a month from now, is insane. It really is.
No matter how much of a reaction I know I'd get, if she took my feelings with sincerity.
But, she doesn't. She doesn't think that I truly love her. And she never will know for sure, unless she looks me into the eye. Of her own volition, to confirm if what I am telling her, is the truth.
That's the only way she'd ever get to know for sure. Whether or not I am wrongfully obsessed or if I am telling the truth, she has to verify it for herself. And to do that, means she needs to have some bit of faith in everything I have confessed. That I didn't, am not misleading her to think that I am playing a dark and ugly game.
I truly am not.
But, that would be a severe consequence if should I ever contact again. In any form, whatsoever.
So.
All I can do. Is wait.
And hope.
(sighs)
I really am a schmuck.
