Took the time to dress up my Plenty of Fish profile today, and I was pleased with the results.
Here are my "interests",
Music, movies, reading, writing, pizza, eating your cooking, vintage stuff, flea markets, antiques, small towns, metaphysics, ancient Egypt, science fiction, cheese, Elvis, backgammon, poker, video games, Ewoks, stars, podcasts, magic tricks, guitars, Ritz crackers, Oreos, Smarties, memory foam, dogs, wearing sunglasses at night
And my profile, itself.
"Happiness is the settling of the soul into its most appropriate spot." - Aristotle
Hi there. As the title says, I'm an old school kind of guy. I'm into kitschy vintage, value village stuff, flea markets, antiques, books, 80s nostalgia (by the power of Greyskull!) and random other things. Yeah, I hold doors open for people, too. And I'm fully housebroken.
Lately I've been putting in the effort to making my place look all nice and manly. This means putting in light projectors, coat hooks that look like little people crawling up the wall, and having a fog machine in my bedroom. You can't get any more manlier than that.
I read lots. Think lots. About all sorts of subjects. I'd do really well as a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, and I'm equally as good at poker, where I've earned millions of fake dollars playing against other people online. Without even wearing pants.
I'm looking for someone soulful and sweet. She's thoughtful, kind, with an interesting/mischievous personality and a mature, playful outlook on life. She should be the sort to be able to tell whether or not I'm joking if I say that having her dressed up in a Princess Leia outfit, would be hot. And then, well, doing it. Haha. (straight face) (ambiguous winky smiley emoticon) ;)
Any other questions, feel free to ask.
And my "what would I do on a first date" question,
First dates should be simple, casual meetings. Yes, that means having a boring old coffee someplace.
The second date is the important one. That's when we'll fly out to Paris for the weekend and walk around with loaves of French bread under our arms while saying "oui" to everyone we pass by.
Haha. That's it. Not bad, huh? I really enjoy it when I create something special like this. I just know, that nobody on these places can write profiles like I do. I have had compliments on them, several times from many different people, including Gina and I always manage to attract interesting people with those. According to some of the girls I've dated, they told me stories about how some of their male friends are lucky to get one message a year, from anyone on dating sites.
So, it has to be my profile that is entirely responsible for all the woman I've dated and chatted with.
Too bad that most of them can't reciprocate with anything worthwhile, as far as being complimentary goes. I appreciate those, who genuinely appreciates my writing. Gina was especially gushing about mine, even telling me how she saved it and reads it from time to time. From both OkCupid and eHarmony before I closed both accounts shortly after meeting her.
I have some funny pictures on there, made great with the captions I used, such as Mr. Roper and the caption being, "how I envision myself in 30 years." and the next photo is of Cindy Crawford and the caption says, "how I envision you, in 30 years."
Haha. Love doing these things. Love it. I may not find my "soulmate" this way, but I'm sure those that come across my words will feel a rich, emotional presence, if even for a brief while, and even if they don't write me with anything in return.
I'm sure my words are making some girls laugh, whether they're attracted to me or not, makes no difference.
In other news, got my daily blatant reminder of Gina again. Yesterday was seeing a Bench billboard while driving, and being reminded of Gina's photo with her wearing a Bench sweatshirt.
Today's reminder, occurred as I googled for "vinyl wall decal", and found a website that would be able to custom make a specific quote I'm thinking about putting up on one of my walls.
Here's a screenshot I took.
Four of the first screen of results, had the name "Georgina", in them.
I also was reminded today of her, by this gift that she got me.
It was from Canadian Tire, and it was cheap, but man.. I loved that Gina thought to get it for me. It's totally my thing, and she knew it well.
Also, found this in the back of my fridge.
The Lazy Man Peach Cobbler cake, that she made me a long while ago. I should clean it out and leave the Tupperware on her doorstep, but.. heh, she'd probably get mad at me again if I did.
I would've had a good laugh, though. Maybe I should leave it on her doorstep with the..
Aw, hell no. As funny as it sounds to me, it's just too much to risk. It won't be taken with a smile and a "oh that guy, again!" it's going to be, "fuck, he's still harassing me." and I can definitely not go along with this. Or any contact.
Sam Cooke is playing, Laughin' and Cryin' is the song, and the green laser light show has already started.
Kinda feel like shit. It's a beautiful mood in the room with the music and light, and comfortable pillows, but I'm not really feeling appreciative of what's around me.
I'm actually getting bothered by thinking about her so much. I really.. don't know what to do, except I can only do nothing about any of how I feel. I'm allowing myself these pains of despairing, so that I can ... I don't know... be honest with my heart, for once? Not try and tell it these lies, to try and mask the pain somehow.
I'm going to be completely straightforward with my heart, this time. At least I'm trying to be. If I meant what I said to Gina, about loving her, then that entails my making sure I don't cause her any more pain or suffering by unwanted contact of mine. Such as leaving Tupperware on her doorstep, or those scarecrows I planned on putting by the side of the road where she drives to work.
And.. I briefly had her face as my lockscreen photo for half the day today, and it was rough keeping it on there. I didn't want to turn my phone on, and look at her face.
So, put an Erica Campbell one on there instead. It fits perfectly, with what I need of my mood right now.
Just.. distraction. All I can do is try and distract myself, and it's not easy doing it. I was putting up new curtain rods earlier on, and there was a lul in the middle of my work, that an especially demanding thought of Gina comes in, arresting my attention for a moment.
It sucks. It's definitely not normal behavior.
I should stop acting like this. Yes, I am in love. Still in love with her. Yes, it happened after we broke up, and it didn't happen while with her.
It's an unhealthy obsession, only because there's no way Georgina believes what I wrote in my email is true. I do love her. My heart is hers. If she wants it.
So, what am I supposed to be doing?
Following my damned heart. And I can't figure out what the hell its doing right now. I keep feeling.. this.. detached kind of love for her. It's really distant and buried, but it bubbles up to the surface every now and again.
And I don't enjoy sounding like a crazy person for writing all this.
Anyone who has read my blog, would call me crazy.
But, crazy should not be used in a negative implication. Crazy as a word, is defined as being outside the norm of whatever is considered to be "normal" behavior. Nobody really knows how to catalogue other people, except to contrast them with what psychology believes to be the ideal model of whatever the peak of mental clarity would be.
You can only contrast, by comparison. You can't really define what "correct" behavior and thoughts should be, within the "ideal" model. Freedom of neurosis, is apparently what is considered to be ideal, normal behavior. Except for the fact that everyone on this planet has some neurosis or many neuroses that could be considered to be irrational by some, and indicative of mental health and functioning.
So, who should have the right to judge what is, and what isn't, correct/rational behavior?
Nobody should. I mean, yeah, if you have a guy who thinks he's a secret agent while on a vacation trip to Mars, where he meets mutated women with three breasts and is married to Sharon Stone, then maybe you should put that fellow into a padded, white cell. At least for a short observational period of time.
But, as long as someone doesn't have malicious, abusive and hurtful impulses; then why should they be considered a danger to society? That's how I would categorize mental sanity and clarity of thought. What their true natures and intentions are. Shouldn't that be the criteria we go by?
So what if someone is different? That doesn't make them any more crazy than you are. All the great thinkers of human history, have been thought to be eccentric and weird and strange and odd. Nobody thought Tesla had any sanity in him, but he did produce incredible results by his work. Despite him falling in love with a pigeon, and sitting in a chair with giant arcs of lightning flashing around him.
That guy was nuts, man. But boy, was he a genius. He talked to angels, or spirits who then gave him these crazy ideas of his. And he could immediately visualize and design his inventions, tweaking them in his mind and immediately executing on them. The sheer brilliance of that guy, is woefully under-appreciated in the schools' textbooks, and general media.
I suppose my point is, there's a good sort of crazy out there, as well as a bad sort. There's both good and bad forms of craziness. Then, I guess, a person's mental health is judged on integrity, and honest connection with whoever is evaluating the individual. Whoever of authority, that is.
Anyways.. yeah.. I'm not liking how much I think of her. Cried again a bit today, while putting up curtain rods.. So..
Fuck.
I'm hoping.. (sighs)
Fuck, man...
Hoping is so fucking hard, right now.
I can't figure out whether to let go, or to hold tight.
I'm sort of doing both. And it's hard as heck to keep up.
It's like a juggling act. I really have to know to keep my balance up, so I don't trip over my own two feet and embarrass myself.
Been embarassing myself for as long as I can remember.
I'm just too..
Naive.
Trusting.
Believing.
Yep. Those things. Weak points of mine. I can't really figure out how to fix them. Or whether I should.
Don't really want to be anyone other than who I am. I love who I am. Sure, I wish for some physical changes and being able to have normal hearing; but I wouldn't want to change anything about myself.
I'm good just the way I am.
(shrugs) the great unknown is before me. This green light show is sick. And "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol is playing..
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
I've done it.
I created this moment. This light show. These new pillows behind me. That smell in the room coming from the new diffuser with scented oil, that I picked up from Pier 1 Imports.
Chorus of the song is going.. Wow.. powerful stuff.
I wish I could freeze time right now. Wish I wasn't posting, actually, because this isn't even getting my fullest attention.
I'm going to stop typing.
Time to go enjoy.
