Living in a Fool's Paradise

Phew. What a day, what a night.

Yesterday was busy, as I scrambled to assemble the photo frame collage thing for my mom which took me around two and a half hours to complete.

Check it out.

That.. was.. arduous. But worth it. My mom loved this thing.

Here's a "behind the scenes" footage, uhm, outtake photo of my mad scientist lab as I labored away.

Wasn't easy..

And then when that was done, I had to wrap up my mom's second present. The bracelet from Pandora that Gina gave me the idea for months ago. I decided to wrap it up in four different boxes, for maximum surprise awesomeness.

That would be box, #4 you're looking at there. Yes, there is a fake hand inside. Because I keep hearing how people "need a hand" and figured my mom could always use an extra hand around the house. See? I'm actually not crazy at all. I'm smert and thought-fill.

Of course, I had to weigh this box down with something, so..

That did the trick. Two of those from the garden outside and it felt exactly like this thing I was telling my mom about a few days ago over the phone.

A fog machine! What I've always wanted!

Do you think my mom would actually think I got her a fog machine for her retirement/65th birthday gift?

Yes, yes she did. And the reaction was hilarious.

"Sunshine, what am I going to do with a..a.."

"Fog machine, Ma. You can make smoke inside your house with it."

The whole table erupted in laughter at that. I let it play out for a bit, and then told her to open it up.

Of course, the hand had people in stitches as well. So did the two rocks I plopped casually onto the table.

Then, she unwrapped the second box, the third and finally the forth, where the bracelet came out.

"Oh, it's beautiful!"

And that went perfectly.

The dinner was awesome. Had a great chat with my cousin Mark and his wife Jannette. Later on, I got the mirror/photo collage out, and she was close to being teary eyed.

I made my mom's night a special one to remember, and I'm so happy she was happy with everything. My aunt Alexandra was impressed with the photo frame, and said she was going to get one too.

Some photos from the event:

'twas a great time.

But..

Heh.

It..

(sighs)

This is the stupid in me speaking, but it would've been so much better if Gina was there with me.

While I was putting together the frame, and wrapping the gifts, and being at the party, and seeing my mom's reaction...

All I could.. well, it wasn't all I could think of, but I kept thinking about how nice it would be if Gina came along.

Ironically, my mom's best friend who is also named Gina, asked me where my girlfriend was.

"We broke up two months ago," I said.

The look on her face.. (sighs) .. I had to.. well.. be brave, I guess. It made me feel small, and sad.

Thinking about it now, is making me feel small and sad.

I wish..

Man..

Forget it. I wish we didn't break up. That's old news. But w.. no, WE didn't break up. She broke up. I didn't consent to any of it.

And, today was a little unusual regarding thoughts of Gina. Yesterday, they were prevalent. And I noticed that every time I did something that I think would impress someone, I'd automatically think of her, and how I'd want her to be impressed.

But, not today. And I had a bit of a shopping spree going, where I picked up a lot of cool little things from various places, like Goodwill, Stokes and Winners.

Check it out.

My best haul yet. Most of those goodies were from Goodwill, where a strange impulse told me to go inside and check the place out. As soon as I entered, a giddy feeling swelled up in my gut and I found two wicked pictures almost immediately, and not only that, but they were 50% off for that day only. So, 3 bucks for that old school mirror thing ("Entertainment, for man & beast") and 20 bucks for this really nice picture of a pregnant lady and child, done in a swirly abstract/impressionist style.

Got a book from there on Jakob Boehme, two stuffed owls, a couch pillow, an old school metal smiling Sun thing.

And..(sighs)

The stupid in me made itself known once I saw it, but..

I saw a Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers vinyl record for five bucks. It.. was Gina's .. Well, Gina said this one Christmas song on there was her favorite.

I'm still a stupid idiot who dreams of someday having her back. So I can..

Man..

So I can impress her.

Love her.

Cherish her.

I don't know why I still think it's possible. I don't know. If I truly believed we would never get back together, I wouldn't have bought that record. But I did. On impulse, without consciously considering it. It was the first record I saw in the bin, and I snapped it up on my way out. Didn't look at any of the rest.

And now, Come Rain or Come Shine by Don Henley is playing on my headphones. Out of a sixty-plus track list on shuffle.

The lyrics are hitting me hard. This is actually my favourite song. I first heard this while watching Leaving Las Vegas with Nic Cage and Elizabeth Shue.

"I'm going to love you, like nobody's loved you. Come rain or come shine."

(sighs)

Why am I such a schmuck?

I am a hopeless romantic. I have to accept that.

But, am I really hopeless?

I don't think so. Not yet.

I'm filled with love right now, actually. I may not have Gina to project it onto, but I am projecting it onto other people. If that makes sense.

I haven't stopped.. Well, I've really slowed down with the dating sites in the past while. Been tired of meeting so many lemons on there. I just started messaging this cute lady named Amber, who has red hair, which I really enjoy seeing on a woman. But, she has one of those ugly chest tattoos and, I don't know.. I'm not expecting anything. She wants to meet tomorrow, and we're working out those details now, so we'll see what happens.

But.. Yeah.

I kind of don't want a strange girl to come to my house, and see how well decorated and clean it is.

I want Georgina. Carolyn. Baby doll, to be the one to first see it.

...

I am such a schmuck.

Tomorrow is a new day.