I can't believe I have been posting on Blogger for nearly 20 years now.
I have to say while reading my earliest posts is that I'm embarrassed by some of them. I was tempted to delete a few because I didn't like the spirit that I wrote them in. This arrogant kind of know-it-all style with frequent swearing.
I've come a long ways since. I realize that those early years I was insecure and didn't know how to express myself very well. Didn't understand the value of humility and walking softly while carrying a big stick.
What I mean by that is I had a voice that I expressed too harshly at times. The world was in that state at the time where shock came through when saying provocative things. It got people's attention.
I'm glad I'm no longer like that. I hardly ever use profanity these days. It was harsh and jarring but...
That's what people were like back then. Every other word was the F word. Especially where I worked in the trades.
I find it interesting that in the past... maybe five years, people have slowed down considerably in using profanity to get their point across. Yes, it grabs attention but is also a reflection of the coarseness of one's character.
As an immature young adult, I had no idea of how to deal with the world.
Still don't, it seems.
I miss how I was a few years ago. Filled with life and energy and optimism because I was doing well in the markets and was on my way to removing debt that I've carried for almost ten years.
At the same time, losing most of what I've collected over the years has instilled in me a sense of anti-materialism. I still love learning, I still enjoy beautiful things but... even if I had a million dollars today, I wouldn't splurge on expensive and needless items like a Lamborghini or buy a six bedroom house.
My views have changed in some respects. Others have remained the same. Such as loving relationships being the most valuable thing one can hope to have in this world. Seeking truth. Admiring beauty and being surrounded by beautiful things. Having compassion for others and helping get them through whatever tough situation they are in. Finding pride and satisfaction in one's accomplishments.
Keeping quiet and humble. Trying to avoid coming across as an authority although I do know quite a bit about certain things.
There's always someone better than me out there. Always. More intelligent, more good looking, more wealthy, more articulate, more compassionate, charming, spiritual, etc.
One of my earliest posts had to do with the death of my cat Fluffy. That one hit hard for me. I remember spending four years afterwards being depressed without realizing it.
Loved that little guy.
Everything lives and everything dies, though.
Including the image of who we think we were and who we are now.
Not everyone transforms themselves or grows into adulthood with a mature head on their shoulders.
Especially in a society that prioritizes adolescent behavior and pursuits.
What I wouldn't give right now to be living in a cabin, being self-sufficient and sharing it with the woman I love. A fellow hermit herself.
It's a shame that I could not have found the right lady for me in those early years of mine. What a difference that would have made. All that wasted energy on dating and dating apps and being with the wrong type of women would've gone towards better things to focus on and deal with.
My spirit... my soul has always been sensitive. I protected my vulnerability through an inflated ego. Pay attention to this, not that is what I subconsciously projected. Growing up hard of hearing made such a construction necessary to have to deal with people in this world who didn't see things like I did.
I've had more than a few nights where I cried to myself, wishing for the "one" to appear. Someone who is a lot like me.
But... it seems that when I'm vulnerable with another, I get taken advantaged of. When I'm contained and collected and secretive, I get people drawn towards me.
I suppose the lesson is to... be careful about who you share your energy with. Not everyone appreciates it. Not everyone reciprocates. Not everyone sees the world like you do or shares your values.
I've felt like a fish out of water for most of my life. Just being born with a hearing disability does that. It's immediately made obvious from an early age that I was different than everyone else.
The innocence we've had as children gets challenged by the world we live in. The movies we see, the music we listen to, how we are educated, how we deal with conflict. Some people develop strategies to protect that inner-child of theirs and others push that innocence aside because it no longer serves them.
I've kept my inner-child alive for a very long time. He would awaken whenever I'd visit flea markets or watch a good movie or listen to a great song or being around animals.
It's a shame that this world has warped the souls of many to no longer preserve and value the wide-eyed sense of wonder and innocence we once possessed as kids.
We don't encourage creativity and individualism much these days. Those days of dreaming to become a rock star or a best-selling author are behind us.
One of my earlier posts talked about the excitement I had when Guitar Hero came out. It was a videogame where you played this plastic guitar along to your favorite songs, giving that feeling of being a rock star although it didn't teach you how to actually play the instrument. We don't have that... kind of game around anymore. Kids prefer Minecraft it seems.
Sighs.
Creating a better world and retaining the purity of our childlike innocence has a lot to do with the environment we are placed in. Once we graduate from school, we are expected to join the rat race and follow the pattern of waking up, commuting, coming home exhausted and then distracting ourselves with entertainment. Do this enough times in a mediocre job and that spirit eventually gets covered over and excused away because of adult "responsibilities".
Even something like Disneyland nowadays has been corrupted. As a child, it was exciting to visit an amusement park and to consume what we once thought was wholesome family entertainment but now longer is. We now have men dressing up as princesses and Disney films are filled with propaganda that is ingeniously delivered.
The trend nowadays is obvious. Spoil the innocence of our children so that they will not be tapping into that bright spark within themselves.
I did not know that Walt Disney, Jack Parsons and Werner Von Braun were all buddies until recently. No wonder stuff like this was inserted in some of the branding:
And with movies like Frozen, there are no need for heroic men to save the day or do anything because women have got it all handled.
Comic books today weren't like the ones I grew up with. Calvin & Hobbes, Dick Tracy, Richie Rich, Archie. The Far Side. They're gone and replaced with more mature comics and animes.
I used to love reading the Saturday newspaper because of the colored versions of all of my favorite comic strips. Recently I looked at a paper and was appalled at how boring and non-sensical most of the comics were. There's no imagination or wonder to any of them. Nothing worth smiling about either. No clever puns or anything witty.
And no heart to them either.
The old world is gone. Along with Blockbuster Video, cartridges in gaming consoles, CDs.
All digital. All designed by committee.
Souless.
Commodified.
I didn't mean to go into a negative direction with this post but as lover of vintage and old things, history has shown how important it is to protect our children from the influences of the adult world. We used to do it through toys and even toys nowadays has lost that innocence.
How did we go from this:
To this?
Isn't that kind of absurd? I mean, a car for a kid to drive around in is pretty cool but look at the design and how its prepping them up for a materialist lifestyle once they're older.
And the movies for them haven't changed in the good ways either. More geared towards ADHD and those with lowered attention spans.
And political correctness.
Well...
I don't think we can expect to see a return to how things once were. Bringing that innocence about and childlike wonder we once celebrated is going to take some effort to pull off in the world we now live in.
I feel bad for our kids.
I feel bad for everyone.
