Second post today I guess.
Just came home from sitting in the dark in my car listening to Higherside Chats and then Tin Foil Hat.
Felt a warmth in my chest. I imagined it was a spirit that was attached or listening to me and I decided to take time to speak my grievances, my needs and wants and desires to it.]
The sky was clear tonight and I could see some bright stars. One of them seemed to act strange so I recorded a 3 minute video to see if any anomalies would come up. It did blink a few times but nothing really abnormal.
Of course the first spot I parked at soon had a fire truck come rolling by with lights flashing and guys getting out to investigate a pickup that seemed to be leaking something from underneath.
Second spot was supposed to be really isolated but there was still a few cars going by blinding me with their headlights and one of them parking next to me despite there being literally hundreds of other spots to park at.
Par for the course I suppose. Didn't expect to get privacy but it would've been nice to have it.
I wish I wasn't wasting my time like this. All day listening to podcasts, watching videos but there's really nothing else I can do. No way of building forward momentum. No real responsibilities to attend towards.
Just sad contempt at both the state of the world and myself.
They say that the universe acts like a mirror and reflects what you put out but all I can think was that I didn't put out any of this. I smiled lots before this all happened. I had a good and positive attitude, a wealth-based mindset and was forward thinking looking for what I could improve in my environment and life.
Didn't ask for any of this.
But anyways. No point in repeating myself like a broken record. Yeah, it sucks and it is what it is.
When will it turn around? Who knows? If I'm not looking for a job then I'm looking for a miracle, a sign, something.
At the very least, it's possible, as Les Brown would say. If I can imagine it inside of my mind then it is not outside the realm of possibility.
Yeah, I know. The law of attraction is spelt with the word "action" in it.
I'm not going to sit and imagine while twiddling my thumbs. Best I can do is put these thoughts out there, write some of them down, pray, visualize and buy lottery tickets each week. Is it pathetic that this is my course of action? Maybe. But to be honest, I'm not going to fight to push myself over this hump because there's too much involved for any one solution to this massive problem I am dealing with.
Other than the one solution of buying that ticket each week.
I know the lottery is probably rigged. The numbers are known in advance. I've seen evidence for both the American and Canadian ones paying all the wrong kind of people. But I've also seen proof of what looks like good people winning, so... If the algorithm is known, then someone knows it which means its in the network of consciousness that we are all connected to.
Maybe the numbers will come up in a dream. Maybe if this was a simulation and I'll make it happen myself. Maybe the invisible world will step in and make it happen regardless of what I do in the most unexpected of way or perhaps expected as can be.
Well. Battery is low on this. May as well wrap it up.
I planned on writing a list of things I am grateful for but I know I would struggle writing anything for right now. I'd have to dig into my past to find these moments and experiences of which there hasn't been very many.
I'm ready for things to change. To go on adventures. To serve.
Let's make it happen.
