("Kiley and I are still having great fantastic mindblowing sex")
So, yesterday... some of my troubles were a bit farrr awayy, as I picked up Gyngie and brought her over to my place. We got pretty drunk on tequila shots and rum with 47% alcohol. Had an intense discussion about her issues and some of mine, and basically passed out while watching the new Godzilla film. "That's not Godzilla!" "It is Godzilla!" Zzzzz...
I'm confused about Tanya. Supposedly we were supposed to be doing breakfast this morning, but I haven't heard a peep or a squeak from her about it. The last thing I got was a text saying, "cool" when I sent her a picture of me at the flea market. I had nothing to respond with. Sure, I could've said, "you're darn right its cool" but.. pfft. If you're going to respond with one word and not follow it up with anything, then you shouldn't be expecting a reply. This also goes for people who send a "LOL" and nothing else. I get it, you don't want a conversation.
And Kiley was ignoring my messages yesterday, until I sent her one describing what I would do to her in bed. Here is what that text looked like:
"Oh, and as for how I imagined you"
"In my bed, on your knees with your black lingerie pulled down and me giving it to you from behind."
Then she responds with, "David, I love your imagination"
I wrote back several hours later, "I love it too" and included a cheeky smiley face emoticon.
What a weirdo she is. What a weirdo I am, I guess. What a weirdo Gyngie and Tanya and everyone else is, including my mom and stepdad.
At the flea market yesterday, I gave Trina the psychic a gift for Christmas. It was a handmade mailbox, probably painted by Amish/Hutterite people; and it was an awkward experience. As I gave it to her, her shop was crowded with people and her gift-opening moment kept getting interrupted by a couple of rude/clueless patrons. "How much is this?" some guy asks, referring to her Himalayan salt pyramid lamps. "I feel really relaxed, is it just me?" this same guy blurts out. To no one in particular. And then this other young gothy girl was in there, commenting on how nice the mailbox was and then stealing away the "limelight" from myself and Trina by talking about how Trina was dressed. "Thats a lot of purple" and Trina telling her how "dark" she made her felt.
It was a surreal, disappointing experience. I asked Trina what my name was, "Is it Mark?" and I was bummed. I was given a hug on sight, which was great, but her forgetting my name for the second time, is pretty lame. Especially coming from a flea market psychic who is supposed to somehow "know" these things.
I felt like I entered some kind of feeding frenzy in her shop, with all those people in there demanding her attention. I felt small, and insignificant. I picked up this cool looking jellyfish suspended in glass (glows in the dark!) for 20 bucks, and Trina gave me five bucks back. So at least I got something interesting out of it all, because the rest of the flea market sucked. I couldn't focus on any of the items there. It was too.. Or maybe I was too off-kilter from after seeing Trina, that I wasn't able to hunt down interesting little things like I normally do.
I don't know what I expected in doing this. I thought we would have a one on one conversation that lasts for more than a minute, uninterrupted, and that just didn't happen. Went in, dropped off the gift, got a hug, thank you, the jellyfish, and left.
*yawns* Its Monday morning and Gyngie is sleeping on the couch downstairs, with the patio door open. I can't believe how warm it is outside now. From -28c to +3c in just over 24 hours. Unbelievable. The world is ending/global warming is real/etc.
It was also awkward being with my mom/stepdad yesterday. When I mentioned going to see Gyngie later, they both started bashing her for being fat and that she "wants" something from me/is using me.
"She can't look at herself in the mirror! She's a beached whale!" was one of the things my stepdad said. My mom kept giving me the, "its good to have friends" speech and "don't let her take advantage of you" speech, both of which made me want to get the fuck out of that place as soon as I could.
They are really both negative people, I have to say. Even if my mother has this image of her being a sweet little old lady; I can tell you that is not the case. They're negative. They're racist. And where my stepdad openly insults and flaunts his negativity/ignorance; my mom keeps it toned down, and I think she secretly gets pleasure from my stepdad going off on his rants.
They say that generosity has a correlation to guilt; and I got a ton of stuff just for coming over yesterday. Including my stepdad's old MacBook. Yeah.. That was really nice of him, and appreciated, but.. they could've at least wrapped it up and given it to me for Christmas. I don't get how it was put inside of a plastic bag and handed over like it was some unwanted trash they needed to get rid of.
Mom gave me a bunch of food to take home. And money.. which I hate getting, because I feel like loser whenever I get it. But I know better not to argue with her, because I can't ever "win" these arguments. I've grown tired of getting angry with her for giving me money that I don't need. I don't want her money. She should be saving for her retirement/old age and..
I just don't want it.
And.. my mother should be giving me the things that I want most. Respect. Kindness. Thoughtfulness. Love. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'm getting much of any of those things from her.
Sometimes I wonder, if my mom has some psychopathic tendencies in her. She sometimes just seems to fake being a positive person to the point where everyone believes her. Or maybe she really is a positive person who also happens to be racist/is against fat people/etc.
I don't know, and.. I probably never really will know what is going inside of that mind of hers.
Man...
I don't feel like there's much else for me to be writing about in here. Just blabbing again, as usual.
("Kiley and I are having the best sex of our lives")
Four more days of that to go.
(sighs)
