"Kiley and I are having sex. Kiley and I are having sex. Kiley and I are having great sex. Kiley and I have had great sex. Kiley and I are fucking. And it feels soooo good."
With boobs like that, you can see why I've been reciting mantras and affirmations all day.
Those are some amazing looking nipples I tell you. Hrmph. (loosens collar)
See, I'm not one for vulgarity or using profanity when I don't need to, but Kiley is a special case. Mainly due to her having sent me a photo like that the second day we started chatting (and I didn't ask for nudes) and mainly due to her actually approving of that message I sent her, saying that I was thinking about fucking her.
"Kiley and I are having great sex."
When it comes to mantras and affirmations, I've read more than enough times that writing them down makes them become more potent. "Kiley and I are having sex."
And interestingly enough, after a day of not having been texted; she responded this morning and I teased her a bit, but holy hell, her texts are terrible.
Terrible, I tell you. I thought about putting them up here, but I ain't gonna. They're too depressing.
"Kiley and I have had sex."
See, I'm picturing clearly in my mind, this woman on a movie screen, on my bed, facing towards the wall, on her knees and getting plowed from behind while I grab the back of her lingerie with my left hand and hold her hip with my right. It's really vivid. I haven't incorporated any smells or sounds, but I'm working on it. Sounds are easy.
"Oh, David. Oh!"
"Kiley and I are having great sex."
As mad as all this sounds, I'm really interested in seeing what will happen when the week is up. I'm telling you, her texts are terrible and I often have to wait hours before getting a reply that makes no sense. It's actually pretty demoralizing, but..
"Kiley wants to sleep with me and have great sex."
Hmm. I like that mantra better for some reason. "Kiley wants to sleep with me." "Kiley wants to sleep with me."
Again, I'm so curious to see what will come out of this.
She said last weekend, that the weekend after this one, is the one where we'll meet. So technically, it'll be next weekend, Christmas weekend sometime; when she will want to come see me.
It may sound like I'm already in a shoo-in for this, but really, someone needs to read the entirety of our conversation to know how low my chances actually seem to be. She's flaky, but at least she's having sex with me.
"I am having sex with Kiley, and she loves it."
I wonder if varying the mantras are a good idea or not.. Hmm. I suppose it wouldn't hurt. Variety is the spice of life after all.
So, Tanya.. Hmm. She's tricky. I thought she would want to come meet me tonight, but it turns out she is going to help a friend "clean" her house, and that we should do breakfast on Monday or something. How lame is that? I really don't know what to think of her now, but she did call me earlier today, even if she did take a long while in responding to my messages from last night.
She's not flirting, either. So.. I'm not really sure how to make her "interested" in me, although I already know she is and she still owes me for having cancelled out on our last two dates; although it really wasn't her fault, this one kind of is.
Hmm. Again.. Not going to worry about it. I'm just going to accept what life has to offer, and face it calmly and with grace and gratitude.
Well, as much as I can, anyways.
See, I've been rejected enough times to know that.. another one isn't going to end things. Life is still going to go on. I will go on, and that's that.
And I should never put all my tadpoles in one basket.
So that is why I went on Tinder earlier today, and did a few swipes. Nothing came of it unfortunately, and that's okay.
She'll come eventually. Whoever she might be.
Right now, I just want to test my self-control and willpower. Kiley & Tanya are each giving me something to work off of, to see if I have what it takes.
So far, so good. I think. Although a part of me inside is disappointed that things aren't happening more quickly than I'd like; but that's okay too. Fast or slow, it doesn't matter. I'm just going to do what feels right, and put myself first. Not other women.
Well, except for Kiley.
Did you know she and I are having great sex?
Yeah. I went into the future and came back to report it to my present self. It was unbelievable! Those tits of hers were as magnificent as the picture.
Heh. I've never been comfortable with the words tits, pussy, asshole, cunt and cock. Obviously she is, therefore I'm going to have to make some exceptions and adapt myself.
Part of visualization is you need to *know* that what you're asking for, is going to come true. Or has already happened. I'm not sure which approach is actually best. Some techniques call for you to act as if it has already happened, but it hasn't (yet), and I'm not willing to fool myself into thinking that way. So therefore, I am basically relying on faith, and putting my confidence into that instead.
But faith is a tricky thing to define. I think I would call it as a form of "trusting". A "knowing" that I am capable of having whatever I want in life, if only I can trust myself and know that I am capable of getting it. And with Kiley, I do know I'm capable, and that all that's missing, is to trust myself.
To trust myself, is to have faith.
Doesn't have to be a higher power or anything, but it does have to be faith. Although I'm pretty sure it utilizes some kind of higher power, or appeals to one, regardless.
Asking God to make this girl have sex with me, seems kind of weird, but I could see it happening.
"Kiley and I have had the most amazing sex ever.."
"And her boobs are cray-cray."
Man.. It's only been two days of this, and I still have five more to go before I can quit the mantras. This is going to be an interesting ride.
"Kiley has fallen for me."
"Kiley wants my penis in her vag."
Yep. Pretty sad of me to be doing this, but hey.. Once it happens, I'll have the last laugh.
Only five more days to go.
(looks at boob photo)
Phew.
Can't wait to touch those.
God, I'm such a pervert.
Good thing we're having sex.
