Well, it hasn't been that great of a day, but I'm not going to cry about it.
I got up early, put the garbage out, went for breakfast and coffee, put the laundry away, cooked myself some ribs for lunch.
Got a haircut later.
But.. meh. This Kiley business seems over with, already. So much for the power of visualization and affirmations, right? I admit, although I was 100% committed to doing those things; I wasn't putting in 100% of effort.
As usual, Kiley dragged her feet and went hours without texting back about what our plans are for meeting; so I decided to call her, and.. bleh.
I could tell from her voice, and some of the things that she was saying, that she was a bit of a mess. She was talking about how busy she was, and how she had all these things to do; but then complained about procrasination and how hard it was to get stuff done.
Also, she said maybe next week we'll meet. So.. I'm.. Well, I wasn't' thrilled to hear that, but I'm not completely bummed out about it either. That voice of hers wasn't pleasant sounding.. and.. she seemed pretty scatter-brained and insensitive, actually. I don't mean to put her down about it, but those were the impressions I got from the conversation.
Looks like they fired the lady I enjoyed talking with at the barber shop. Another reason for my mood to sour a bit. I liked her. But, I guess thats that.
And then, when Gyngie was telling me about how she didn't have any money to get her daughter a birthday gift (which was today) or a Christmas present; I stepped up and offered her to sell her a gift for a quarter.
What does she say? "Tonight wouldn't work anyways, she's going out and I'm in a raid."
Meh. No "thank you" no "that's nice of you" or anything like that. Being in a raid in Destiny is more important than the gesture I was making.
Yet another reason..
Man..
And that flower I made for Gina? It fell apart when I accidentally knocked it over. Not completely, and I could probably fix it back up without much effort; but..
And last night also, I had the compulsion to re-activate my account on OkCupid and I got into a few good conversations with some of the girls on there. Not so much today. In fact, I think I offended a few. Unintentionally and without meaning to do so.
Nothing really.. made me feel good today, I suppose.
Not a thing. Other than getting a few chores done.
Well.. I don't know what else to say here. Another thing I did last night, was bargain with "God" to give me proof that my faith is well-placed. And.. yeah, going by today, I don't feel like it has been. I hate admitting it.
(sighs)
It's tough. Not a silver lining in sight, really. I'm out of work, and the future doesn't look bright for me on any level. Job-wise, relationship-wise, personal growth, writing... It just doesn't. There's nothing.. Nothing I look forward to. Nothing that I can really be happy about.
I feel stumped. But.. I'm still okay. I feel like an idiot and a giant loser, but I'm still okay.
For now.
Guess I'll be drinking tonight.
God seems to have forsaken me.
And I feel darker now.
