Random ex-girlfriend musing #1,238
Gina was so excited to be with me in our first few months together. So excited. She was so attentive and happy and trusting and spirited and... I felt so flattered at how hard she was trying to make me happy, that I became incredibly suspicious of it all. This kind of thing has never happened to me before. Ever. And I'm almost 40 with plenty enough experience with women.
She used to wear lingerie often. This one purple satin shirt that flattered her bust; and this incredibly sexy black top with matching panties and a garter belt holding up these crazy fishnet stockings she had on... Oh, man. (fans self) it was something else.
She really liked me. And I was really suspicious.
And I guess, I'm just not used to having someone like me this much. It was so hard to accept that it was easier to take it all for granted, than to express any genuine bafflement and sincere appreciation on my behalf.
I'm pretty disappointed with myself right now. Kind of zoning out on an episode of Luke Cage and letting my thoughts fly loose. Not the most blog worthy thing to rush to the phone for, but I want to remember that. Going into the future, wherever it will take me and looking back on how I was. How I am now.
Kind of important I'd say. Also had a date with Amber, who said she gets 150 messages a day from guys on POF and that I was the only one worth meeting out of all of them. I felt super flattered with that. Date went okay I thought. Nothing too remarkable. She was alright looking, and was a single mom of three kids; two of whom refuses to speak with her. Messy divorce. Long hours at work, where she arrives home exhausted each day. Has her 16 year old daughter with her every other week. Big and ugly chest tattoo that she had on display. Kind of low cut shirt. "progressive" style blond hair cut with part of her head shaved, and hair just past her chin.
We just went for coffee, talked, had some laughs, a smoke and then she left an hour later. Yawning fairly often.
Eh. No real excitement on my part, but I'd sleep with her I think. Or hang out. Whatever. I think we only scratched the surface and that there are things worth exploring in each other.
But I'm still playing it cool. Staying true to my heart. Not pretending to be anyone but myself.
We'll see what happens. Funny kind of coincidence in how we met, too. Amber and I were supposed to meet in August, before she started ignoring my last "what time tonight?" messages. She said she was working late, and I figured she had her reasons for not texting back.
Turns out she really doesn't remember why she ignored me months ago. There was some 48 year old guy she was involved with around that time, so maybe this was the reason why I got ghosted.
There's other details, but I'm not going to bother getting into them. No point, really. So so date, and I'm not fighting off any kind of strong feelings while being away from her. So really, no big deal if it doesn't work out. No weird feelings today either.
Well. Last episode of Luke Cage now. I love the black representation on this show. Same reason Coming to America is one of my favourite comedies. Eddie was such a cool cat back in the day.
Watching this show reminds me that I had sex with a well endowed black woman once and it was amazing.
Even if she wouldn't pay for my coffee those two times.
Ah well. Always moving forward, I guess. Got to know the good from the bad and experience the extremes on both ends.
Hope something good shows up for me soon. I would appreciate a beautiful and playful girlfriend to have right now.
Her head on my shoulder. Wrapped inside of a blanket with me. Netflix and chilling. Or just laying in bed upstairs listening to music and having conversation with lasers on the ceiling and a fog machine going.
(sighs)
Where's that lady hiding at?
