Interesting. I switched on the laptop with the intention of going over my novel, but the urge to post overrode the initial impulse I had to write something fictional.
I think I'm more interested in letting go of the creative process, and just letting my thoughts fly. No structure, outline, characters or plot needed. Just throwing down my feelings without any pressure of getting spelling or grammar correct. Or making it entertaining enough for someone to read.
Funny, I can write for hours on my blog, but I can't seem to extend this ability out to my novel. Although I can get going pretty good with a book, depending on circumstances and state of mind. Still though, there is pressure in wanting to create something worthwhile and I'm somewhat intimidated by it. I've blasted so many movies and books for being uninspired and paint-by-numbers, and I don't want to be accused of doing the same.
See, one of the antagonists in my novel is a carbon copy of that guy from Luke Cage. "Shades," and it already feels like I'm pilfering ideas from elsewhere although I came up with the character's appearance long before it was realized on TV.
And then, certain other ideas I've used before, have subsequently been used elsewhere, although I'm pretty sure I came up with them first.
I guess none of that matters if I don't have a published work to prove innovation by. I've got to get it out on the market and claim intellectual ownership of whatever ideas I come up with, before anybody else does.
Then again, there is really no such thing as originality these days. Everything is a variation of the hero's journey. And everything that has ever been made, has been inspired or derivative of something that came before it. The only originality one can hope to express, is an original compilation of unoriginal ideas.
There is nothing original about painting a bowl of fruit on a canvas. Nothing original about the medium, either. But what is original, is the individual interpretation and presentation of whatever it is that is being expressed. That's the difference there. There might not be anything truly original anymore, but there certainly are ways of being unique.
Hm.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm not really looking forward to turning 39. My mom is going to take me out for supper, and I might be hearing from Gyngie since she asked me a few weeks ago when it was. I'm.. kind of sad to be somewhat hopeful to hear from her. Mainly because I'd like her to come by, and I don't know if she'd be in the mood for it. I don't want to be the one that invites her, and be turned down for some reason or another.
Gyngie is the only single female in my life at the moment. And she is not in a good place right now. She has no money, no car, is constantly playing video games all day, is irresponsible and undisciplined. She has mental issues, which she is actively trying to resolve by going to this group thing every day, which she also hates.
She's really at the bottom of the well, and it breaks my heart to see her like this.
And my problem is, holding my tongue whenever I see her. When I see fruit flies buzzing around, or her place being in a state of disarray; or her unwillingness to get a job, or to read the chapters I've asked her opinion of three months ago that she still hasn't gotten around to (despite her promises). And its honestly depressing. I keep wanting to come up with some new inspiration for her, or piece of advice that will help turn things around, but she doesn't want to hear of any of it. She doesn't accept criticism very well. If at all. And... for someone like me who is interested in self-improvement and bettering quality of life; Gyngie can be such a frustrating person to interact with.
But, maybe there's a lesson there I need to learn. No, there is a lesson there. Don't help those who do not wish to be helped. That's the lesson. She doesn't want to be helped, or given advice towards. If she does, she would ask.
But I don't have much compassion or respect towards those that think that way. Which makes it hard on me because I understand her mindset. She is the version of me that has given up on life, and would rather indulge in escapist entertainment than to sit around and find ways of improvement.
Hm. One of the reasons I like hanging out with her, is that my faults come out front and center and makes it obvious what I need to change or do in order to form a better relationship with her as a friend. I want to be able to better understand people, and how I should handle someone like her. My cousin Marek is similar to Gyngie, and I haven't seen him in a couple of years due to the frustration he brought out in me. Gyngie's (ex) friend Matt left her for the same reasons I left my cousin. The frustration of watching someone's life implode due to negligence on their part, was too much for him to bear.
So maybe, in order to correct this, I'll simply just have to turn a blind eye. And that is what Gyngie apparently wants. She doesn't want me to point out her dirty dishes, or how bad her place smells, or hear anything negative come out of my mouth. She understandably wants someone positive around, who makes her feel good.
And I get that. But this compulsion of mine to try and motivate people to live a better life, well.. it really is a strong compulsion to have. And I have to wonder, maybe I shouldn't bother investing myself so emotionally into the outcome of other people's lives. Their lives are their responsibility. Not my own.
But one of the things I most enjoy, is watching someone take my advice and having their lives improve as a result. It doesn't even have to be advice. Just a simple movie recommendation will do. Or a book. Or music. Or something that brings a bit of joy, or illumination into their lives.
That's the part I enjoy most. When someone's eyes light up, and they passionately declare their enthusiasm for something that I brought to their attention they were previously unaware of.
It's such a thrill being able to share the treasures I've come across in life.
I guess that's why my novel is such slow-going at the moment. It's the perfect canvas to paint these intentions and aspirations upon; but it has to follow a structure. A story. And I'm finding that the story is getting in the way of the ideas I want to express.
See, my favorite chapters are the long discourses where I wax philosophically about one thing or another. I find the story to be window dressing when it comes to two characters discussing the nature of existence and I have an opportunity to put into them the things that I have learned over the years.
Education has to be entertaining, else it has no value. Given the deluge of information that is infiltrating all of our lives; people are more selective about the information they wish to expose themselves to. Not everyone has time to read an article from start to finish. The headline and possibly a paragraph or two, is sufficient enough for most.
So then, attention is the most valuable thing in the world right now. Being able to grab someone's attention, is an important skill to master. But it has to be governed by an internal set of principles and ethics. Why? Because getting attention is easy, when you are negative and shallow without much shame or honor for yourself. Getting attention when you have something positive and uplifting to share, is much harder. Not everyone appreciates the same things. Not everyone wants to be "uplifted."
Sometimes all we want to see, is a pretty girl taking a selfie while wearing tight yoga pants.
Intellectual discourse takes more effort than it is worth, for most people. It's not easy. It's not simple and quick and immediately gratifying, but it's still important. More important than the bulk of what people are seeing on social media these days.
Cracked.com is a good example of the solution to what I feel we should be pursuing. Education as entertainment. There are some great articles on that site, and they are hilariously entertaining to read.
So, that's the difference. Be funny, be smart, be open-minded and don't fall into the trap of taking yourself seriously. Everything is malleable. Everything changes. Nothing is really important if you stop to think about how insignificant we appear to be, in the grand scheme of things.
So then.. to make someone laugh and to teach them something new, is all I can hope for.
Gyngie is a good person to practice this with.
Hmm. Again, baby steps. No attachment to outcomes. Just live in the present.
Easier said than done, sometimes.
But I have to try.
It's worth trying for.
