Looks like Marion offered to come visit me this Saturday, and given that she will be arriving in the afternoon; I'm kind of certain that she will end up sleeping over.
And you know what that means.
We're texting like mad right now, well, maybe not mad, but frequently and I sometimes have these "pop in" thoughts of a certain so-and-so every time I say something funny.
I wish I was having this conversation with my ex. Not Marion, I'm sad to say.
I'm sure she's a great girl. She has a pretty smile, but.. I don't know until I meet her if she's someone I would get along well with. Texting is one thing, meeting in person is another.
But, yeah. I've noticed this habit of mine where if I experience something amusing or interesting; I tend to think of Gina, and wish I could share that moment with her. Whatever it is.
God, I'm really hooped. I.. man.. I miss her. And I learned from that relationship, and with Gyngie; I also learned how to be in a long-term relationship.
Wish I learned all that stuff before I met Gina. I just wasn't ready for her.
(sighs)
Well, that's all I really wanted to blog about. Nothing too remarkable going on at the moment. Reading Timothy Zahn's "Heir to the Empire" and watching Narcos at the moment.
Smoking, smoking like a chimney. Not really moving ahead with my life, really. Other than this Marion business going on at the moment.
Pretty sad, actually. There aren't any jobs at the moment for work, and the weather is so lousy that even if there was; I couldn't be psyched about getting out there and working in this all day.
So it looks like I'm going to have to dip into my line of credit to cover expenses for this month. Again. My savings have dried up a while ago.
Not the best life, I admit. It's easy, but... listless. The only excitement I'm getting at the moment really, is the possibility of meeting someone interesting enough to start a relationship with and possibly having sex. That's about it.
Life should be more than just that.
My book is a tough one. The next chapter requires some creative thinking before I can begin writing it. I've put in all these.. things in the story, that I will eventually have to account for, and it is kind of boxing me in a little. So.. I'm going to have to keep thinking about how the next chapter will go. There's a bunch of loose ends and plotlines that need to be wrapped up and preserved.
(sigh) hopefully it'll all come together at some point.
Mm.. I really should quit smoking. Start exercising. Start meditating.
But, I kind of.. don't feel motivated at all to do these things.
Listless..
That about sums it up.
So much for the great changes Gina inspired in me over the summer.
I knew it couldn't last.
