The reason why I'm not jealous or possessive of Fola, is because I know no one else can make her feel the way that I do.
Pretty simple, really.
Despite the fact that she is engaging in sex with at least two other guys, and a girl.
Hmm. Never thought I'd be able to accept someone like that. Whore is a harsh word, and I refuse to apply it as a label towards her. But I sometimes wonder what is the correct label to be using.
Or the way she should be.
Fola describes herself as "sex positive" and to me, that kind of means, "I can have sex with whoever and whatever I want, as often as I want" which basically means.. Hmm, there's that whore word coming up again, but she's not that. I think a whore is someone who charges for sex, Fola does not, nor would she ever, I don't think.
But is that the thin line that divides her? Hmm.
A whore not only does it for money, but also is willing to disrespect themselves. Again, Fola isn't that, I don't think. But.... She did share with me that she has a fear of being alone, and of being rejected, so perhaps she is willing to disrespect herself in exchange for another person's validation.
And then there is the matter of how much she respects the sacredness of the act itself. Whores usually don't, and I'm not yet sure if she does or doesn't. If it's all entirely about her own pleasure, the pleasure of her partner, or both..
Again, time will tell where she fits among the terminology and archetypes that I use.
She's a curious lady, that one. Earlier last night (I don't know why I got up at 5am, sheesh) I was asked a question about ley lines, and that all segued into us taking a trip to Arizona someday. Ostensibly to check out the vortexes.
Funny thing, when I told her that we were going to be going there eventually, I was as surprised as she was, and not surprised at all, if that makes any sense.
That statement, "Fola and I are going to Arizona" doesn't ring any kind of alarm inside of me, telling me that it is a false statement to be making. It came out true to me, because it is.
It's going to happen. How? When? Why? Questions I don't have the answers to, but I feel that they will be answered at some point or another.
Funny how I thought of Arizona at that particular moment. Why Arizona? I still remember how in 2009 when I was walking six or so hours from Fort Sask to Edmonton, in the middle of a warm summer evening, I looked at a particular star in the south and had this conviction that something in Arizona was calling to me. Not only that, but days earlier, I was at a gas station in Manitoba where this old fellow on a motorbike stopped to have a conversation with me. He brought up Arizona as well, for no particular reason.
Other small reminders during that bit of a spiritual quest I was on, seemed to indicate that I was to go there someday. At the time, I was wondering if that meant immediately, as in within the next few weeks or months; but, it's 2017 and almost 8 years has passed since I had those experiences.
Fola asked if aliens could reincarnate, and I said yes. It makes sense that they would. Life is everywhere in the universe. Why would only one planet be the host to all of it? Why would souls be trapped in the one location? Didn't make any sense. But hey, I could be wrong. I'll always allow for an amount of doubt in everything I believe, so as to make room for new possibilities and evidence.
When I mentioned to her that I believe aliens to be Archons; I kind of felt something being triggered during this moment in our conversation. Especially when I teased her about her being a goddess, and she responded with, "I am a goddess".
I was like, yup. Yes you are. And again, no alarm bells going off inside of me.
She's my goddess. And I'm...
Heh.
Not going to say those words, because I refuse to take responsibility for their implications.
I'm just like everybody else. More flawed than most.
And so is she.
Another thing that I found interesting, is how she is helping me build my personal philosophy up by asking me all those questions. Like I mentioned a few posts ago about her clarifying my convictions. With her questions, I find that I'm starting to identify where my strongest points are in the beliefs that I have. The stuff that I feel most absolutely certain of, and the stuff that I don't feel certain much about at all. It's extremely helpful for us to be having this dialogue. She is helping me filter out the raw material of my mind into something polished and refined.
I definitely do appreciate that, and so does she.
So, I'm still not sure what we are yet. Soulmates, true mates, twin flames, whatever.. I think this area is still undeveloped and misunderstood. Read an article about twin flames earlier in the day, and I didn't feel like it was accurately depicting what twin flames are. Maybe by its definition, it is accurate, but it is leaving the emotional maturity out of the picture and assumes that we will have unbridled passion and extreme emotional turmoil between the two of us, because regular people aren't able to be objective and self-aware enough to keep themselves from falling to pieces.
Regular people, I must add. We're not regular people, unfortunately.
Or fortunately. Depending on how you look at it.
Regular people don't get to have nearly as much fun as we do.
I'm starting to think of drawing simple analogies and parallels to help describe my set of beliefs. One of them, is to conceive of our world as it was presented in The Matrix. In regards to the "Archons" or aliens if you would rather; they could be considered the Agent Smiths of our planet/solar system/galaxy/etc. And not only would they be Agent Smiths, but they would be Oracles as well. The anti-thesis of an Agent Smith.
Always a balance, don't forget. The "Neos" of the world, are the ones that have woke up. Except it is critical, not to wake up completely, otherwise you will upset the structures of power on this planet. You would in effect, be inviting an invasion of your own city of Zion should you become a harmful and disruptive influence on the rest of us. Discretion is key. Never be preachy. Don't upset the unspoken rules and laws of our world just because your ego seems too large to be contained by it.
In essence, you are in jail and you must make peace with it until you can leave. Even though the damn door is open, and you could walk out anytime you'd want.
When can you leave? Hm. It's different for everyone, I suppose. Everyone has their purpose and reasons for being here. Everyone has their obligation to fulfil. You'll know when you achieve them.
Another good analogy is to think of all this like a video game. As avatars that we control (higher self), we navigate ourselves through various levels. Facing a boss at the end of each one. Succeed, and we move onto the next. Fail, and we start over. But not at the very beginning, only the beginning of the level that we are having trouble with.
Aliens/Agent Smiths, could be seen as the "mods" of the game we're playing. Think Warcraft in this respect. Moderators walking about with certain privileges, performing certain tasks.
Yeah, that all makes sense to me. What evidence do I have for all this? (pulls out empty pockets)
I could go into a boring list of "facts" as gleaned from various sources, but they would still all be speculative. Gnosticism brings in the Demiurge idea, and while I would be stating a fact; the idea of the Demiurge itself is merely a concept. No "proof" there, other than it having been mentioned by a source outside of myself.
Even reincarnation is a bit iffy of a thing to prove, but I believe it absolutely. Can't offer much else other than speculative "facts" as well.
I suppose we all know what the truth really is, but the veil of forgetfulness is a sticky thing to remove. That's why I pay close attention to some of the "facts" that I speak about. Such as reincarnation. Does a part of me flinch or withdraw, or feel uncertain? If so, then it's probably not true. Or it is true, but requires further clarification/research/understanding/etc.
That's my methodology for sniffing out the "facts" of esoteric, metaphysical concepts. Just pay attention to the stirrings inside of myself. Anytime I feel something is wrong, or contradictory; than it most likely is.
But when it comes to aliens and I don't feel a twitch or hesitation.. well, I've stumbled upon a truth, and it's up to me to further develop and explore it. Attach other truths to it. Extrapolate from there and build up a system of belief that all clicks together perfectly.
A piece here, a piece there. Buddhism, Taoism, Judaism.. You get the idea.
Imagine if in every book, there was only one nugget of truth in it but it was surrounded by 90% bullshit. How would you know what is true? You would have an interesting time of trying to figure that out.
And whats worse, is the people who would take a book like the Old Testament and believe the whole damn thing. Nuh uh. The whole damn thing isn't true you know. As I said, this is the world where 90% of everything in a book is bullshit, so what do you do now?
People tend to approach a haystack, see or know that there is a needle in there, and then not bother looking for it. Too much work. Instead, they put up a barricade around the haystack and say, "this is my haystack!" and advertise that they've found the "truth" in this one pile. They don't want to go to other piles and collect other needles. Again, too much work.
Kind of like having a cookie with a single chocolate chip in it. Too many people refuse to break that cookie up into pieces and just take the chocolate. They'd rather hang onto the entire thing. And they get protective of it too sometimes. Oh, do they get protective. If you point out all the brown stuff around their single chocolate chip and question them, they get defensive. They don't know what the brown stuff is. They just know there is a chocolate chip in there someplace, and that's all they're happy with. The rest of the cookie, well, it comes with the package. It's odd, but they won't question it. They don't have faith enough to do so.
Too convenient just to believe in one thing, and then not have to bother with anything else at all. I've got an anchor now, so what more do I need, right? Negative. Spirituality is a process of evolution, it is not contained in a single book or idea. It's scattered everywhere. It has multiple layers and meanings and forms.
Unfortunate really. Those people who are spiritually lazy could be intensely passionate about the one thing that they believe in. Kind of an odd hypocrisy to live with, in my opinion. You have to admit that with so many different systems of belief, even if one of them is right and the rest is wrong; then you have some crazy odds going on. You better hope you picked the right one.
Anyways.. Yeah. New day. Not sure what I'll be doing. Texting Fola, obviously I guess. That much I know.
Hmm. Maybe do some reading. Music, for sure.
I'm starting to feel like a slob. An unemployed loser, now that February is around the corner. Which would make it since November since I've had a job. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I'm living off my line of credit, so I'm not too worried yet, but I also understand I can't do this forever. I need to make a living at something that I would enjoy and feel good about. Insulating is not it. I know that deep in my heart, but I don't have any other options at the moment as far as making money goes. I don't even like the idea of needing to make money. Weird, I know.
So, I'm trusting my higher self on this one. I know there is a plan in motion, and that financial issues will be addressed at some point. For good or bad, we'll see. Maybe bankruptcy will be an option, I don't know. Maybe I'll win the lottery, I don't know that either. Or maybe something or someone will come along and guide me to a new path where I'd find a new kind of job, and be happy with that.
I don't know either.
Interestingly, I have no urge right now to be working on my novel. And that's okay. I enjoy not having the stress of writing that thing on me. It feels good. And I kind of know why I'm not putting much effort into it, its because thats not the kind of novel I should be writing. Do I want to write it? Absolutely? Do I want to finish it? Yes, of course. Do I expect it to be any good, or good enough to make a lot of money from? I don't know. I hope so, but I'm not going to put all my dreams in that one basket.
Money shouldn't be a motivator, but unfortunately the world we live in makes it a necessity, so..
Oh well.
It's a new day, a new life and I'm feeeeeeeeeeeelinnnnnnggggg...
...good.
