Lesson #9: As good as I am in having sex, I still have a lot to work on.
One of my mistakes made with Gina, is that I thought too highly of my skills in bed.
When we first started sleeping together, it was incredible. Sex was amazing. It was this romantic, spiritual, animalistic thing where we held hands and she would run her fingers down my back. I'd give her these little nibbles and bites, and pulled her hair a little while kissing her neck. I'd spend a half hour going down on her, and I still can't forget the way she went down on me in my living room. Even though I was freaking out a little because the patio window was open, and the neighbors across from me were inside. Possibly filming all this and posting it up on some amateur porn site.
But, eventually the sex became watered down. I think we both started taking each other for granted.
One of the things she wanted to have me do, was doggy style, and we've never done it. Not once. I didn't know why I wasn't into it, but I'm now thinking it's because I saw her as wholesome, and pure. Doggy style to me, feels impersonal for some reason. You can't see your partner's face, and it's all about experiencing penetration, rather than bonding on an emotional/spiritual level.
I'm such a chump, I should have done it with her. I should have experimented more. But at the same time, Gina really was pure and wholesome in my eyes. I didn't want to sully her. I knew she wasn't the type to accommodate my enjoyment of her swallowing after giving me a BJ, or the sort that would want to spontaneously have sex in the forest somewhere.. She wouldn't want to be spanked, or would want to put a blindfold on me and tie me to the bed. I just didn't see her that way. Because of this, we went from what she said was the "best" sex ever, to what I remember of our last time; which involved no oral, and ended quickly. I was grumpy, tired, and needed release; but that should not be an excuse for my not giving her what she wanted. And what she wanted that night, was simply a connection. Which I failed in providing.
I suppose we both failed, in our own ways.
Sex is not just the physical, it's the psychological that matters too. Especially for women. If my partner and I had a bad emotional connection that day, chances are, the sex won't be good either. To have great sex, means more than just knowing what to do in bed and how good one's techniques are; it also means being open, and giving. It means paying attention to the other person, and not only yourself.
It's not always easy, especially on days where I'm stressed and would have really liked a quickie without having to spend over an hour working to give my partner an orgasm as well, but.. I don't know. I'm not really sure how sexual compatibility can even be developed in a relationship. I've always assumed that the person I sleep with, is never really going to change. If they're adventurous, they always will be. If they're not, they won't. But I don't know.. Is is possible for a woman to suddenly start enjoying swallowing after a BJ? Or to want to be spanked? Can an ordinary, good and decent human being be able to express more deviant passions in the bedroom? Just out of the blue?
All I know is, I really didn't like the pressure of having to give her an orgasm, not when it was so easy for me to have one. There are times when I just want to come and not have to worry about anything else.
But, sex is give and take. And I think I took too much. I didn't give enough back.
I really don't know where I am going with this, as I'm not sure what the "lesson" really is, other than to remind myself to always consider my partner's needs and not just my own.
But, I think it has to work both ways too.
Communication is key. I really think I... I don't know. I don't know if you can "mold" anyone to be exactly the right person you'd want to be with in bed. But I'd like to think it's possible. I've always considered myself open to fulfilling whatever fantasies my partner has, so why couldn't I have assumed the same of her? She did try this one time, to bite me like I was biting her, but I didn't like that. I wanted other things.
I guess it was that fear, again. The fear of offending her.
The fear of losing her.
But I lost her anyways.
Lesson #9: Do your best to accommodate the sexual preferences of your partner. Sex is not always about you.
