Yup. Got off the bus after work today and the super tells us all wide eyed that we're working 21 days straight instead of 7.
I'm not even prepared. No...
That's not even important. Weird feelings today. Came when I saw a picture of Fola on my phone.
Ended up texting her a few minutes ago saying that I missed her, and I am afraid to ask what she is feeling because I probably wouldn't like that answer.
I'm assuming I'm blocked on her phone, also.
(sighs) Well, I was honest. Heat coming off my chest, ears feeling wide open, bit of a heat from my head.
If she's with someone else, there is nothing I can do. If I am blocked, I will not be able to get through to her.
I said I wouldn't be remembered for being weak in the end, but it seems like that's what I'm going to be.
Or not.
I don't know. I just spoke a truth. I do miss her. I'm not going to pretend that I don't.
Despite everything.
(sighs)
Tough, tough. Tough. 21 days straight and this.
This isn't want I want to be doing with my life, but it is my life, and I do need money and I can't be so quick to turn down easy money.
Well God, here I am. Your servant in surrender.
I am speaking to you from my heart and soul.
I love you, and I am baffled by you.
So much.
Today... These feelings.
I feel loved. And loving.
Had a nice conversation with a man in the smoke pit. I'm tired and need to sleep here soon.
But I feel good.
And, I don't know. Let God guide me. Let my higher self show me to where I must go next.
There are energies at play, here, that I do not understand the workings of, but try to. I can't pin their causes down. And so, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I'll just ignore the analytical side of myself and just enjoy them.
Whatever they are and wherever they come from.
That tarot reading video told me to speak my truth. And my truth is that I love Fola.
Deeply.
No matter what I said about her in my blog.
I loved her.
And I don't know where my heart will be taking me next.
To someplace good, I feel.
I don't want to jinx this by writing any further. I'm going to lay in bed and enjoy these feelings. Listen to music, and dream of a beautiful life for myself and the ones I love.
With all the good spirits of the universe rallying around me.
For better or worse.
For now, and ever.
The only moment is now.
And that is all that matters.
I'm probably going to send this to her.
God help me.
