Yeah, so, my sleep is fucked. Haven't been able to get myself on track with having a day routine again. Ended up going to sleep at around 10am yesterday and slept until 3:30pm. An ugly mess. I even set the alarm earlier too, but kept hitting the snooze button all way from 1:11pm and up.
And I woke up with a new email from Fola. Yes, she said she was thinking a lot about me over the past few days and hoped I was doing well. I kind of nodded to myself when I read that, and didn't think much of anything else. Wasn't going to reply, that's for sure. If she was making an apologetic gesture, she had better be more convincing than that. I want something heartfelt and vulnerable from her, if she still has feelings for me. Because I can't go back now. Not if she will remain the way she is. I would be torturing myself endlessly if I was to stay in a relationship with her. There would always be something to fight about that I won't be able to have a level-headed resolution of conflict with her. A mature and loving perspective towards a relationship isn't going to happen over-night for Fola, that's for sure.
Tomorrow morning I am meeting with David, the writer guy at the library and I am a bit nervous and definitely uncertain of what to expect. I sent him a couple of my chapters from No Love Left On Earth, and a chapter of something I called "Conversations" which was a short bit of something interesting I found.
So I will absolutely have to be up earlier tomorrow. That alarm isn't going to be snoozed off this morning when it goes off. It better not be. I think my meeting is at 8:30am and that means I should probably get up at around 7:30am to get ready.
And I still have to do laundry, dishes and packing my suitcase tomorrow before I leave again for a week. Gosh darn it. I really didn't manage my time very well. I need to also pay some bills, too.
Hm. If I really crush it, all that can be done in an hour or so. I don't think my flight leaves until 6:30 or some such.
(sighs) Well. That email later seemed to trigger something in me. I don't know. I went to West Edmonton Mall thinking I needed something to do, and maybe have a bite and see what they had for sale there. Thought about getting new shoes.
It was while there that I started to feel really comfortable with myself. I had my headphones in and the music was perfectly selected via shuffled "liked" songs; and walking around was a blissful experience almost.
There was a cool bedspread sheet set I saw, but balked at when I looked at the price. A duvet cover and two pillowcases was 120 bucks. That's actually 50% off. Heck if I'm going to pay that much money for a couple pieces of cloth. I don't care how cool and gothic and mystical it looked. Oh well.
Hm. Already in bed and feeling sleepy. Going to continue on with my music and see if I can actually fall asleep this time. I could use all the sleep I can get.
Catch you later blog.
No. She won't break me.
I think.
