Second update. It's not much but I needed to get some stuff off of my chest.
I made hamburgers earlier on the frying pan which caused some grease to show up on the oven. My mother comes down, grabs a disgusting old dish towel that was hanging on the oven door and wipes it clean. Places the cloth back in a bunched up position, washes her hands and then dries it on the same towel.
Do you see what is wrong with this picture?
Can you see how I silently suffer? How I hold my tongue at the grease on the handrails of the stairs, on the light switches and knowing that my mother is unclean and admits to it?
Not only that but earlier she was in the basement moving my blankets around while I was gone and told me she smelled mold. I am not surprised. That explains my itching scalp and body.
In her infinite wisdom, she figured putting a blanket under the mattress would "help" the problem.
I'm done with this place. I am so done.
Can't live here. Not for years, hardly can stand it for months. Weeks.
Days.
This has invited much soul searching. Trying to figure out why I have been betrayed and led astray in all the events that lead up to losing my home. My sanctuary.
Still doing the manifesting. I don't have anything else I can do. I don't know what else there is.
Getting a job isn't going to solve anything. Getting a government handout isn't going to help much either.
Time is not on my side here.
Gaza is getting bombed terribly right now. People are without water. Countless families are grieving and suffering in ways we cannot imagine.
But my grief and suffering is not to be marginalized or compared.
I am not seeing the point of being here any longer. I await the signal and for how long I can wait, I do not know.
But maybe I should set a date.
April 2024.
That's about all I can do. Make it to that date and then...
Well...
There's no point to going on after that.
I am willing to give myself over to the powers that serve good in this world. To do as asked. To be a vehicle for these intelligences that want humanity to succeed and progress forward.
In exchange... I need that signal.
I need that sign.
I was thinking, if my mom passed away tomorrow I would not know what to do. I wouldn't want to continue living here anyways. I would not know what to do with Princess. She deserves to be in a home with a lush green lawn for her to walk on. Not tiles.
I miss my old place.
And I am mindful of Pastor Len's words.
And the words of the lady at the Airbnb.
If I am to serve a purpose in this life, I am ready to begin it.
I refuse to acclimatize to this dystopian reality our society is fast becoming.
I want to make a difference. I WILL make that difference.
Should the holy mother and father harken onto these words.
I'll be honest, my faith has taken a big hit. The more I study, the less sure I am of certain things.
Which is why I need that signal.
To set me on my way.
Deliverance and renewal.
Karlee on a beach.
Poker with Berwick, dinner with Max, coffee with Lena.
Meeting Lucy, Tyler and Christ.
The green Jeep will take me to America. The book and the shirt are part of the signs I need to see in order to become certain of my path and purpose.
Reside in Mexico.
Own my own home with a tire swing hanging from a big old oak tree in the backyard where the porch is.
Curing Karlee of T1. Publishing a book. Millions in the bank.
Becoming strong and fit.
With new hearing aids. A Polish passport.
Meeting a sloth, dolphin, koala bear and having a golden retriever as a pet.
I am ready Father and Mother.
Harken onto these words.
There's not much time left.
I don't know what to do.
