I don't know what that shift meant for me yesterday but it would have coincided close to the horrible hurricane that landed in Acapulco, Mexico last night. It went from a "tropical storm" to category 5 in hours, surprising the million+ residents late in the evening. Scenes from the city are horrendous and looked like a bomb went off. Palm trees broken off, power lines on the street and there are no numbers of casualties reported yet but I can only guess hundreds may have died.
The more I look into this world, the less I am liking it. Not for many of the people on the planet but because of the selected few who are running this clown show.
The social contract has been broken. The reason why I segued into this is because hurricane Otis did not look like a natural storm. I realize there's no evidence for it being man-made at the moment but I am recalling the Canadian wildfires, the Argentina wildfires, the fires in Spain, the earthquake in Turkey, the flooding in Pakistan, what happened in Lahaina, Maui and a host of other weather events that have been dramatic and worldwide.
The "climate change" narrative... I don't even want to get into it.
Today was again more of the same. It's colder outside and I don't enjoy running my vehicle to keep it warm as I sit and listen to podcasts but...
It's better than being at home. Which I can hardly see it as such. It's not my home, it's where I currently live.
Call it whatever.
My prison.
I was thinking about manifesting, simulation theory and the law of attraction today going over moments in my head when miracles happened in my life. I am having a hard time connecting what manifestation was successful and the method/means used. Not all of the strange incidents in my life were consciously asked for or visualized. Two of them for sure was.
How I found my ex in a park that was 45 minutes away after hearing the words "Jackie Parker" in my mind.
How the star projector I wanted was too expensive ($200) and then shows up at a thrift shop a week later for $15.
How I had my first girlfriend through the use of a blood ritual that worked in less than 4 days.
The way I'd bump into people I know across great distances.
The warm feeling in my heart prior to *something* happening.
There are... so many pieces of the puzzle that feels disconnected from one another but I'm certain there is a way to fit them into one picture.
Simulation theory... but, if this is a collective dream and I am dreaming my own dream.. well...
I want a better life than this.
Last night I looked again at places to move to. Spain, Uruguay, Vanuatu close by Australia and I couldn't really settle on anything. Assuming I had the money to be able to move and live in those locations.
I think of my list and I know that a road trip to America is in the cards for sure. I also know I would have to go to Australia at some point. Perhaps even Poland.
Once I get millions of dollars in my bank account.
And there's not much time left for that to happen.
It needs to happen soon.
It needed to happen awhile ago.
I can't imagine getting a job again. Still living with my mother. What joy is there to live a life like that?
Even if I were to move to a nice place like Mexico, what would I be doing to occupy my day with? Just sit on the beach? Read books? Play video games?
I have a feeling that I am meant to do something much more. Some form of activism. Something to do with Jeff Berwick.
Which is why I was following the situation in Acapulco so closely. Max Igan lives there and fortunately is in Austin, Texas due to return on Friday. I am curious to know what his home and the secret garden is looking like.
I think Jeff will be okay but Max might not have anything to return to. He doesn't know what is going on either. No communications. No power or water.
What a terrible situation to be in for those that live there. Especially the impoverished who have nothing but shacks and a corrugated metal roof over their heads.
I feel for them.
But back to activism. I knew in my bones for the longest time that I wanted to make a difference to the world. To people. I want to bring humanity forward. I want to help elevate the collective consciousness.
A decentralized communications app sounds good. Headtwerk sounds great as well.
Wish it didn't all go sideways on me over a year ago. I could've still kept my domain name. Could've traveled to Mexico and met with Jeff last winter. Maybe he would've liked my idea and help fund it.
But... thinking of ideas right now is somewhat pointless. I can't do much with the situation I am in,
My spark has.. diminished. I haven't showered in three days. I feel a little gross. I feel isolated. I feel like I'm running on empty.
My mind goes back to how I once was. I miss that so much.
Making my bed in the morning with the sunrise coming through the window blinds.
Taking a shower.
Things that I used to take for granted and now cannot so easily do.
Can't invite a woman here so what's the point? Not even interested in one. I can hardly love myself right now let alone another human being.
So...
Is there a special plan for me or not?
Am I going to change the world or not?
Because time is running out and something has to change in a big way.
A big big way.
For the better.
Still buying those lottery tickets because I can't see what else is there to put my hopes towards.
I swung hard on the pendulum and now it's time to swing equally as hard the other way.
Otherwise there's no point to any of this. Watching the world burn on a daily basis. Watching the controllers of the world having their way with us while I stand helplessly by.
I can make a difference.
These words and just that.
Words.
But I am at the bottom of it all now. Should millions of dollars come into my possession, it will be tears of gratitude and a resolute affirming of purpose.
And frugality.
I probably wouldn't even get excited at first if my numbers came up. 01, 06, 09, 11, 25, 44.
I would nod my head, sign and photograph my ticket and go through the motions of collecting it.
Then the real work begins.
Which I think starts with a road trip through the states and possibly into Mexico.
A solitary adventure but a mission as well.
I feel it in my bones.
Time is running out.
It has to happen.
Soon.
