So, la de da. Not sure what I should be posting about. Listening to some Sigur Ros and still a bit buzzed from the coffee I had earlier.
Hrm. Thought I'd try out this SRF stuff that Fola seems insistent about me checking out. Apparently you go into this kind of chapel setting, and sit there and meditate for a bit. Chanting is involved also, not sure if I would be getting into doing that.
Well, it's worth a try, just for the sake of experiencing something different. I'm curious about the Self-Realization Fellowship ever since I saw a documentary on Yogananda a while ago on Netflix. Seems like an interesting character. Definitely had some spiritual thing going for him. Bonus goes to Steve Jobs having been a big fan of the guy, so with that kind of validation, I think it's worth looking into.
Looking at their website, they suggest dressing conservatively as if going to church; and the room is small, so I'm hoping it won't be too weird or boxed-in. Good thing it's a fairly short service, so I'm not worried about having to meditate for four hours with a bunch of strangers. Not sure if I can even do an hour of it, so we'll see how this turns out.
Haven't decided if that's what I most want to do tonight, since I do have a date with my mom for some all you can eat fish tacos which she is excited about, as am I.
Yeah, so, Fola and I are still talking. Still working through our shit. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with the fact that she is non-monogamous, but I'll give it a try for as long as I can stand it. Uhm, by "try", I basically mean, "put up with her beliefs" rather than myself becoming poly like she is.
Or non-monogamous. Whatever label she finds most convenient to stick onto herself at this moment in time.
Yeah, life is going on. My days are both interesting and boring all at once. Not really interested in gaming or tv or movies; but I'm liking music, and reading, so that's helping with my leisure time.
Chris told mom yesterday that there is a call for a bunch of journeymen at Redwater and I felt a bit of a squeeze in the chest knowing that I had a pot brownie a while ago, and it's probably going to show up on the urine test. Which means that I basically can't get this job unless I cheat on the test. I could ask Fola for a bag of her urine, but I'm sure it will look suspicious if they found a bunch of female hormones in it. Heh. So, not going to even bother entertaining that thought.
Meh. Honestly, as restless as I am right now with these long unemployed days where I sometimes feel useless and listless, I could stand waiting a little while longer before going back to work. I have the means to wait, and because of a (likely) positive outcome on the test; I wouldn't be able to get anything even if I tried.
So, well. I don't like sitting around the house feeling like a useless hunk of crap, but.. I'm kind of forced to at the moment, until something comes around. Or until the THC clears my body; whichever comes first.
I need to exercise more, I think. Go for walks. Swimming. Whatever. It's not healthy being sedentary like this, and smoking like a chimney for lack of anything more exciting to do.
Writing on my blog is nice, though. I like putting my thoughts down and looking over old posts to see how far I've come and grown since. There's definitely progress in motion, even if from my vantage point it doesn't appear to be all that much.
Those who keep trying, can never fail. It is only when we stop trying, can we admit to having failed.
I really like the stuff I come up with every now and then. A thought does not become real until it is written down, and so, I am writing these things down. Making them more realer than real.
Hrm. Hum.
Yawns.
Laying in bed typing all this, kind of impressed that I was able to write this much when I initially started with little idea of what to talk about. Guess I've got a gift for gab. Fola kind of laughed at me when she called me a writer once, and I was like, "I guess." I do consider myself a writer, but to me, a writer is someone with credentials. Published works. Articles, essays, pamphlets, whatever. That's not me at the moment. I'm just a nobody who can't finish what he starts. My half-assed books are proof of that. Years in the writing, when all it would take for someone dedicated, is probably a month or two to finish these things.
But, again. I'm not going to push against that which I feel resistance towards. If I don't feel like writing, then I don't feel like writing. If I don't want to work on my book, then I won't. Why inflict that suffering on myself? That guilt? I know books like the War on Art is good for snapping people out of their apathy, but for me, it was a bit too jarring of an approach. I guess it'll work for certain others, but not me. I kind of have to write because I want to, not because I feel guilty that I'm not.
Right now I'm reading about Tantric sex, as per Fola's request, so that we can try these things out together. Not really thrilled about the idea, to be honest, but she seems to be, so I'll humour her and educate myself on the subject somewhat.
Thing is, the book is all about building a strong bond between myself and my partner, and it's all monogamous based. I tried telling Fola last night this, and she kind of shrugged it off. I just don't think it's easy or even possible, to achieve what she would like to experience, if she continues seeing other people while we are involved.
Involved in a part-time relationship, of course. Which sucks. Don't live together, don't have regular sex, she's sleeping with other people, and I'm not. So, how the hell is a strong bond supposed to be formed given how irregular we've been and how out of sync we are on the idea of sleeping with other people while inside of a committed relationship? She mentioned last night that herself and Larry had to do some "relationship mending" which means that obviously there is trouble brewing within their marriage. Again, both a good and a bad thing and what needs to be, I suppose.
Mm. Guess that about covers it. Got a dresser to assemble today, and it has been kicking my ass the past two days. Came in like, a hundred separate pieces and is such a pain in the ass to put together. I have a Rubbermaid storage thing that I want to put outside, but that damned thing has been sitting in my basement in a hundred different pieces as well. Fuck those people who engineer and plan to ship them that way. Yeah, I get it, you can stack them more easily in the stores, but fuck if they are even worth the aggravation of putting them together. I'd rather pay someone a hundred bucks to have to avoid needing to do that.
I think that sort of thing should be regulated somehow. Pull in a group of 18-21 year olds, put them in separate rooms, and tell them they have to assemble whatever item a company wants to sell. If they can do it successfully in under two hours, then yep, it's good. If they are struggling to make sense of the instructions or the thing is all lop-sided and incomplete; then, back to the drawing board. Fuck the company and fuck their products. Pardon my French.
Anyways.. STD test is going to happen shortly here, going to see if I have gonnohera or not. One thing I know for sure though, is that I can't spell the damn word and my spell checker is too incompetent to figure out what I'm trying to type. Damn you spell checker. (shakes fist)
Going to see Fola tonight, and ask if she'd like to go with me to see Matthew Good this Saturday. Though I've already seen him over five times live; it's been a few years since I last saw my favourite Canadian musician. I can't believe he's still doing all this, more than twenty years since he first started. Kind of feels almost like family to me at this point. We're both growing old together. We're both trying. We're both learning about life.
If I ever had to watch gay porn, it'll only be if I see Matthew Good in it. Not sure who he would have to be porking though. Maybe a CGI character. That'll be something to see. Personally I'd pick Jessica Rabbit for that guy. But she's going to have three boobs. Just like in Total Recall.
Hrmph.
STD time.
I'm excited :P
