Alright, weirdness continues. Didn't think I would ever talk to Fola again after last night, but I got a big apology text (that I don't actually believe in very much) and she asked to see me, either tonight or tomorrow.
So, I made a deal. Delete all my texts, and I'll listen to what you have to say. After that, I think its done.
Not trying to be manipulative or anything, but I want to make it clear that what we had was gone. Is gone. And might never be coming back. But, I've been on the receiving end of having my texts and phone calls ignored; so, I wouldn't want to wish that kind of feeling onto Fola.
Still love that girl. Not as much as I used to, or want to; but still do.
Eh. I believe people can change. But obviously, she's not going to change overnight or in the course of a single day, so I know I'm not that dumb to expect it to happen.
But, we'll see how it goes when she gets here. I had our monthiversary meal planned out about a week in advance, so, it's a shame to have to waste all that work I put into making my blackened chicken.
I know that I'm the mature one in this relationship. I'm not going to be anything less than cordial and respectful towards her tonight. I don't know if I should be expecting the same, but I also know that I have zero interest in sleeping with her. Or kissing. Or touching.
Not going to happen.
So, we'll see.
I don't think she's learned anything from yesterday, other than the fact that she misses me and is willing to swallow her pride and anger long enough to.. well, hopefully be cordial and respectful as I plan to be.
Who knows. Might turn out to be a shitty night. Could be a good one, even.
In any case, I did promise she could see me if she deleted my texts; and she said she did, without saving or sharing any copies of it. So, I have to keep my word.
Honestly, I'm not particularly thrilled to be seeing her, but whatever. I do sort of miss the old Fola, and there's a chance that might be the one who will be arriving tonight. I'll put the odds of that happening at around 25% actually. Not a whole lot of confidence with this.
So, anyways. Defrosting the chicken now and I'm not going to bother with setting the place up to make it look as nice as it usually does for her. No candles. Nothing special added or set up. Just a meal, a conversation and hopefully that's it. Sayonara.
I think.
Well. I'm looking at it from the perspective of what I would've liked Gina to have done with me. Invited us over for a face to face before we broke up. Guess that's something I've learned from her. Didn't want to break up through text. Don't want to leave her hanging, either.
Just kinda resolve things I guess. If they can be resolved.
I doubt she has anything constructive to say, so I'll just suffer in silence and try not to offend her somehow. I don't want our final memory to be tarnished by some ego tripping or whatever will (likely) occur.
Anyways.
Cross my fingers.
