The saga continues, my blog in all the dealings I've had with Fola, this weekend has been one of the more illuminating ones yet.
It pretty well started with my pissing on her. Yeah. There was a moment in the evening when she went into the bathroom shortly after we left the bath, and I really needed to pee. Knowing that she was into this sort of thing (and I wasn't) made it easier for me to make her that offer, to which she accepted.
Sighs.
So... it felt interesting. She was sitting in the bathtub while I urinated all over her chest and neck. Afterwards she said something about wanting to catch it in her mouth, but didn't uh... want it in her hair or something.
Fucked up, isn't it?
Afterwards she tried to convince me that I "liked" doing it, with that knowing smile of hers. I felt... Well, I keep telling her that most of what gives her pleasure, is what gives me pleasure. I've always been a giver when it comes to sex. And other things as well, like gifts, advice, etc. So it didn't really bother me much to be doing this to her. Or for her, to be precise. In a weird way, I was basically reaffirming my love for that woman, no matter how soundly I disagree with her on a lot of her quirks and fetishes and ideas and opinions.
Yeah. So I do love that woman. Despite all the headache she has caused me. Despite her unpredictable and irrational behavior and her general untrustworthiness and lack of appreciation and .. man, the list goes on and on.
She came to spend the night on Saturday after work and left this afternoon. She took two days off work just to be with me.
That says something.
But I wonder. I still wonder what she sees in me sometimes. I wasn't particularly charming or intelligent or talkative this weekend. Kind of the opposite. But when it came to being physically intimate with her, there was... it was never a disappointment in the several times we've done it over the last few days.
Always amazing intimacy between us. Always. Still have that eye contact. Still have that unconventional way of kissing where it doesn't matter if I'm slurping on her nose or if our mouths are in a weird position and our tongues are pushing against each other. It's... our thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm making love to myself and conventional norms are tossed out the window when it comes to doing what feels good, rather than doing what feels proper.
It's a weird way of being, thats for sure.
My stocks... Uhm, tangent time. My investments have really become an obsession of mine. Marijuana stocks are a one in a lifetime opportunity to be getting in on (near) the ground floor at the moment. Granted, everything is a bit... overvalued, but not by much and I don't think the hype has really priced itself into the stocks that I've invested in. Well, except for Namaste I guess. That one has been tough to bag-hold on. Bought at 3.69 and it's now just under 3$. $2,81 I think.
I have very high hopes for two of the five that I own. ATE and ICC. ATE has the potential to triple within the next month or so, while ICC has an extremely attractive amount of upside in which they could get acquired by a company (Aphria would be my guess) or their share price will quadruple by around the summer time. So, from around $1.61 right now to five bucks about, is what I figure this little company can achieve. They're based in South America, and I think that is their biggest advantage. While everyone is focusing on Canadian and to a lesser extent, American weed stocks; I really believe that the South American market is being ignored and looked over.
I am hurting for more money to invest in ICC and a few of the US players like TGIF and MPX. But mainly ICC, because I am anticipating a buyout at some point. And I really like Aphria to be the one to come along and pull the trigger on them. Aurora already closed an overly expensive deal with Cannimed, so they won't likely be ICC's suitor; and I'm not sure what Canopy is doing, but because Aphria bought out Nuuvera, I think ICC would be a perfect fit for them. Given that Nuuvera signed a supply agreement with ICC a short while ago. Now they are owned by Aphria.
Makes sense to me.
I want.. I will be rich someday, my blog. I find it funny that for the longest time my desire was to find the woman I can love and be loved by. But.. it doesn't feel like Fola, and yet it does.
To be honest, it feels more like Georgina than anything.
Ugh. My arms are so freaking itchy right now. Unbelievable. I'm still dealing with this weird case of hives or whatever it is I'm afflicted with. I think its aggravated by chocolate, but I'm not sure. I know that this itching spell came about shortly after I had a bunch of Toffee, so thats my only guess at what it could be caused by. Sweets.
I need to change my life.
Fola... made me promise to write tonight. For an hour. Although I don't think if this blog entry will take that long to do. Definitely a half hour, so maybe I can stretch it a bit.
One thing I've noticed is that my desire to write has been curtailed over the past while. I'm not too interested in doing it, although I know I should. Too obsessed with stocks and with Fola, I suppose.
Obsessed.
Hmm. It doesn't feel quite like the right word, but it'll do for now.
I'm still unemployed. Money is running out. I really don't want to go back to insulating, and I can't even. Given that I've smoked some pot this weekend, meaning that I will likely fail a urine test if I start anything in the next couple weeks.
But, I for some reason aren't all that concerned about money right now. It's almost tax refund time, and I anticipate a nice amount of money from that. I also have a tiny bit left to keep me afloat for at least one month. So, there's that.
Wish I wasn't so itchy right now. It's rough. Doesn't matter how much cream I smear onto my skin. But anti-histamines seem to help. Can't believe this has been an issue since November.
Fola once though that it was because of the Reiki attunement I had that caused this to happen. But now she's thinking its because I haven't been writing enough.
I don't know what it is.
It sucks. Hard to sleep. Hard to really relax. Too much energy and attention being diverted away into babying this rash and weathering another storm of itchiness. The doctor said it's "eczema" which isn't very helpful to me. The stuff he prescribed didn't appear to help either.
Not sure what this is. Or why I am experiencing it.
But I do know that it's been anticipated. And is somewhat needed. Until it no longer is.
Doesn't make sense, but... I am trusting that there is something higher than myself that knows the trajectory of my life and all the events leading up and throughout the course of it all. I trust whatever this force is. This intelligence. I know it's there. I know I am watched, and loved by something that I cannot quite see or touch or hear.
But I can sense it, sometimes. Whenever I look up at the sun each day. When the light feels "right" at a certain time in the morning. I sense this profound.. open secret of some sort, around me. Evading the directness of my curiosity and my gaze, preferring instead to lurk in the periphery where it winks and cheers and laughs and claps. And consoles. Even when I feel utterly alone. It consoles, should I still myself long enough to listen and accept.
Hm. I am.
I am.
I am...
I am me.
And this journey of mine is a wonder to behold.
Like marijuana stocks, I am an industry only getting started.
There is so much potential with me.
And I lower my head in deference to the powers that be, who can help me realize the gifts that I can offer to this world.
Because that is what I aspire towards. Prosperity. Love. Purpose.
Truth. Beauty and Justice.
I have suffered enough.
I am ready for better things.
There is still so much to say that I am leaving unsaid. Fola talked about moving in with me. Not soon, but eventually. Talked about my meeting her parents. Talked about the places we will go.
She has a lot of faith in me, it seems. Even when I give her as few reasons as possible to have it.
I appreciate that.
My mother is the same. And I appreciate that too.
I want her to do well.
Which is why I plan on buying ICC stock for her once she gets back. Maybe get some TGIF and RKS or MPX in there as well.
Sighs.
ICC.
I am resting my hopes onto you.
Don't let me down.
Bring me to where I need to be.
And let me make this world into a better place because of my success.
Thank you.
And you too, Namaste.
I'm going to hold you until you hit five dollars :)
ATE... Surprise me, please.
Growlife.. Hmm. Maybe you'll surprise us too.
Harvest One. Everyone hypes you up. You'll double this year. Easily. No matter the price you are at right now.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Let the fun begin :)
