Listening to Johnny Cash's "Live at San Quentin" on the turntable and I'm waiting for Fola to show up. She's already almost two hours late, saying she stopped at Marshall's. Didn't say what for or how long she'll be, but I almost regret telling her to take her time.
So, last night I prayed. And as usual, I asked for help. I was a bit more specific in what I wanted to have for today when meeting with Fola. Compassion, Clarity, Wisdom, Strength and Sexuality.
You may be wondering about that last one, but I do feel it is a part of the life force that animates us. When we are sexually aroused, I feel that it is a pooling of energy that has always been with us. Just re-distributed to our nether regions.
Baking some apples in the oven now. Brown sugar, cinnamon and a lot of butter. Hope these turn out well. They're about ready and I mistakenly thought that Fola would already be here before they are finished.
Well, God. Blog. Whoever and whatever is reading these words. Myself, included. I realized that I am one with everything as the cliche goes. There is no differentiation in the grand scheme of things where "everything is energy" as Fola likes to say. But, there are specifics. There are aspects. A drop of water may be wet, but a grain of sand is dry. Zoom in far enough with a microscope and you end up with basically nothing.
When I think about this (not so) absurd notion, I am having a hard time really believing it with the fullness of my being. I realize that a table is solid, but again, zoom in with a microscope enough and you have tiny particles separated by proportionally more space than there is substance.
And last night, I thought about God and myself being one and the same. That when I talk with Fola, I am in the most general of terms, speaking with myself. And for how it sometimes feel whenever I touch her; it truly does seem like another version of me.
But it's really hard to know what to do with this information. This knowing that separation is an illusion in the same way a table appears to be solid. I understand and believe this, but... I can feel the solidity of a table. I can see the difference when I look in the mirror and when I look at another human being.
