Woke up to a Medium subscription on my phone from Fola.
I'm glad I wrote what I did last night.
And... I was thinking this morning that in spite of all that happened yesterday, I am probably going to forgive.
My... mind isn't cooperating with me right now. I'm stuck on what to type next after my last sentence.
Was thinking of other things to mention about yesterday that I didn't and... I just don't... Feel like it anymore I guess.
Opened up this blog to specifically rant on her some more and...
What's the point?
I was hoping she would take pictures of everyone's reactions to my gifts this morning and she didn't.
Told me yesterday to remind her. I've asked her twice to do this for me.
Why should anyone have to remind a mother to take pictures of Christmas morning with their child and family?
She really doesn't care.
Just got a text from her a short while ago thanking me for the pizza cutter. No mention of the rubber chicken that I've gotten three of them. No pictures of anything. No comment on what Sade thinks about her gift or Ivy or her mom.
Just made it all about her.
I shouldn't be surprised. I've seen enough of her to know that this is the disappointment I'm expected to endure for as long as we're together.
She can't be "fixed" if she doesn't want to be.
She won't change into something that she is not.
She won't become a Georgina.
And... though I get fooled by her time and time again, she won't be genuinely expressing love to me by her actions.
Words... texts...
But nothing from the heart.
Nothing in her eyes. Her smile. Her actions...
Like taking the pictures I asked her to because I'm not able to be there while everyone opens their gifts.
Can't count on her for anything.
Other than to be disappointed and hurt. Repeatedly.
Disrespected. Not taken seriously.
And so on.
What a way for me to begin my Christmas.
This isn't how it should be.
