Interesting.
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And people didn't believe it when I told them I once built a three-stage quantum reactor with nothing but matchsticks, six feet of garden hose and a 9-volt battery.
Today was kind of lousy, for reasons I'm unsure I want to get into.
There are only two girls that I have loved in my life and this is about one of them.
Maybe I shouldn't be writing about it considering that she might have this blog bookmarked someplace and there's no telling what would come out of Pandora's box should I decide to dish out the details.
All I can say is that I dreamed of her last night. We were at a movie theatre where she put her arm around me and smiled.
That's it, really. The rest of the details would compromise national security and knock the Earth off it's axis. It's not worth getting into.
And it's a really long story to boot.
But the point of this, is that inexplicably I was reminded of a past love of mine, who I still miss very much but haven't talked to in over a year.
Blond. Athletic. Smart. Funny. Kind. Compassionate. Sexy. Beautiful both inside and out. I had a crush on this girl from the time I first laid eyes on her over fourteen years ago.
I still remember that day vividly. I was standing in a classroom full of people when my eyes travelled over to the door and there she was, looking at me with a radiant smile on her face.
That was all it took.
Yet, she had a boyfriend at the time and I thought "well, that probably won't last, I'll just wait it out." She was nineteen and I expected it to be like any one of those high-school sweetheart romances that fizzle out once they both grow up and realize that there are better people out there.
Yet, my good fortune had the guy eventually marrying this girl within the next year, so I never did get the chance to take her out on a date. Still, we remained friends up until last year when it came crashing down like the twin towers.
That was when she tried initiating a threesome. It was apparently her husband's idea and .. bleh. Let's just say fourteen years of repression broke free and made such a mess that a shamwow would have sprouted legs and hurried out the door had it seen it.
After a few months, things were eventually worked out and I told her half-heartedly that she should stop talking to me out of respect for her husband who was (and possibly still is) pissed off at us keeping in touch.
Sadly, she agreed it was the best idea for both of us. And while we parted ways, I emerged much wiser for having had this experience.
The point of why I am bringing this up now, is that I can't help but think about the women I've met in my life who changed me for the better.
Stacey, Jacklyn, Michelle, Elizabeth, June, Keri, Amanda, Tina, Sadie, Penelope, Uta, Jessica, Andrea, Deanna, Hadeel, Lisa and Lauren.
Each one has given or taught me something that I will always be in debt towards.
Life is a journey, we make mistakes along the way, stumble, fall and then someone comes by to pick us up, to give reassurance, impart a pearl of wisdom or cold-cock us in the face. Still, we learn from these things and we grow into better human beings for it.
Relationships are transitory by nature, we don't always have that guarantee of being together with another person until death do us part. But, in the meantime, we should always try to respect and learn from them. The real difficulty is in accepting a hurtful truth about yourself, or being made aware of a counter-productive point of view that may need to be reconsidered. Should a person be willing to be made a pupil unto life, then there is no telling how far he/she can go if mistakes and shortcomings can be accounted for.
These are the ladies who made me become the man I am today:
Stacey and Jacklyn who first gave me the confidence I needed as an awkward, dorky teenager to start picking up girls.
Michelle who taught me the value of self-reliance and ended up serving as a cautionary tale.
Amanda an Aussie babe from the internet who showed me how well I was able to direct my charms through ones and zeros and made me realize that I might never successfully pull off a long-distance relationship. Even if my plane flights were paid for.
Elizabeth who ended up exposing my capacity to be cruel and selfish. Which I still hate myself for because after Lauren, I now know how it feels to be on the other side of the fence.
June who gave me reassurance and friendship. We only had one date, but it made me realize how incapable I was of cheating when temptation presents itself.
Keri who was my pen pal for a few months and made me feel appreciated and desired.
Sadie who once made me realize the depths of my desperation, naiveté and how horribly charming / intelligent and persuasive I can be. She also put me in the hospital after giving the most horrible blowjob of my life and then blaming me for it, causing a severe depression that I had to deal with for the next two years.
Penelope was someone who proved that I was not a superficial or judgemental person and that I am able to have sex with the morbidly obese. Multiple times. Without making me feel too ashamed about it.
Uta was a roomate of mine who demonstrated how annoying and hypocritical a die-hard feminist can be. I also credit her dog Indy for inspiring me to get a clone of him for myself someday.
Hadeel was a co-worker that I dated who brought me back to reality by instilling humility and toning down my arrogance. Teaching me also, that not every girl I set my sights on is an easy conquest.
Tina who helped me realize the extent of my ability to love another human being and in turn made me believe in the idea of marriage.
Deanna who once reminded me why I don't enjoy having one-night stands and that sex without any emotional attachment or chemistry is only going to cause hurt feelings.
Jessica the lady from eHarmony who made me become conscious of my self-worth and that I was more attractive than I had once thought.
Andrea who taught me the virtue of being honest with my feelings, even if it should hurt others.
Lisa who gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one most and reminded me that there are still some good people left in this world.
Lauren.. (sighs) the girl that handed me my first real rejection and provided me with a glimpse of what evil could look like once it dyes its hair red. I'm still processing.
Looking back, there's been a lot of progress since then. I am grateful for being given the privilege of having these people share part of their lives with me. I don't know if I helped make any difference in theirs, but I hope I did.
I appreciate each and every one of these relationships.
To all of you, thank you.
