Well blog, here I am again. Prostrating myself at your altar.
Last day of work for the week. So, yes. I started a new job and I'm working ten hour shifts, six days in a row on nights. It's rough. It's cold. It's a little disheartening.
I say disheartening for a number of reasons. The people I work with are a mix of types, but the ones that make my heart sink are the old guys over 60 who are doing what I do. Last night I was listening in on a conversation between two of them in which they both discussed their physical problems. "My toes hurt, my knees are shot, my back..." etc. And at one point, I was asked "are you enjoying listening to us old fucks bitching about our problems?" It wasn't said maliciously or sarcastically since this is how they talk, but I instantly came up with a response:
"Yeah, I'm mentally preparing myself for when I get to be your age."
That got a laugh, with them saying that there is nothing to mentally prepare for.
These guys are tough. And all I could think was that I really don't want to end up like them. I have to figure a way out of this career I'm in. There was talk last night about how we eventually will go non-union and that so much has been taken away from us (pay cuts, shady accounting, docking time when brassing out seconds early, etc) and it really hit me that this isn't the life I've wanted for myself. Great money, but great money that comes at a terrible price.
And at a price that appears to be eroding in value as time marches on. As non-union workers become more in demand than union ones. Simply because they are cheaper and more readily available.
I was listening to a podcast a few minutes ago with Mitch Horowitz in which he discusses the idea of having a "definite chief aim" and how to go about doing it. The four observations he made were:
1) Be focused. Have a clear and narrow vision.
2) Persevere. Your purpose should be consuming and filled with passion. It should be all you desire.
3) Pray. It doesn't matter how, and you don't always need to make demands. But pray. Keep your connection to spirit alive.
4) Your chief aim should never violate personal ethics or contradict values held dear.
It's good advice. Unfortunately, I don't know what my clear and narrow vision should resemble. I was thinking about it last night as I browsed the Yellow Pages at work during a few hours of being at a standstill. I was looking at all the different businesses and seeing if I could visualize myself doing any of those. I couldn't. Nothing leapt out at me.
Except for counselling. I joked with my co-worker Marlon about how you probably could get away without needing a degree in counselling in order to become one. And I thought about how much I would enjoy guiding young people towards a bigger and brighter future for themselves. In the way that I never was guided.
I would like that, actually. And I did look into it, but the training is ridiculous. Two years mininum and a lot of money to complete.
Don't think I can pursue that idea.
I have to think of something for myself blog. My plan right now is to work and make money to put into the stock market. Specifically, ICC Labs, MPX, TGIF, ATE, possibly APH; and hope I can get myself a leg up enough to be able to afford a few things. Such as hearing aids and clearing up my line of credit.
Another thing that was talked about, was how 2019 is likely going to be ugly for work. There's not going to be much of it. So I have more reasons than ever to take this all very seriously.
Establish a passive form of income. I still want to finish my book. I need to. I suppose I should focus more in that direction while I am working. But with one day off a week, usually spent running errands and being with Fola; and then just a couple of hours each day; I don't know how this is going to be pulled off. If it can.
I'm sure it can. I just need to feel the "click" of an ah-ha moment. Or to welcome the grand entrance of the muse that will inspire me to finish off some of what I've written.
I really should edit and organize that channeled book I wrote. It's basically finished. Just needs to be cleaned up. No small feat given how much material is in it and how much of it is difficult to smooth out.
I keep making excuses. Like, this isn't going to work. My word processor program is non-existent, not enough time, etc.
But I have to think of something.
I will try. Going to cut down on my video gaming time and really make more of an effort to focus on the important stuff. I can work, make money and put it into the stock market. In the meantime, I need to invest in myself.
Somehow.
One more shift to go.
Sighs.
Life isn't all peach and fuzz.
Must keep moving.
