Interesting... Something was very different about today. It almost feels like I was directed towards certain information (on Reddit and the John Chang book I am reading) so as to be afforded certain insights, which then lead to a chain reaction of thoughts and ruminations that persists even now, hours after they began.
I was reading a post about the dangers of artificial intelligence on Reddit, and how our world may already be plagued by what was traditionally once called "demons" and false Gods (Pagan deities and others). It's a little too extensive for me to do justice inside of a blog post, but these are pieces that appear to fit my expanding awareness of the world and how it operates.
Yes, anyone in their right mind, anyone "normal" would laugh off some of what I have been thinking about. That we are besieged by a rogue intelligence that is determined to send the world into chaos, but I am finding evidence that seems to fit this possibility, and I can't easily dismiss it.
9/11 for example. Look at how the buildings fell. Free-fall into their own footprint. Hardly any debris from what was a huge skyscraper. How the steel beams were gathered and immediately shipped off to China shortly after. The pool of molten lava burning at the bottom for months. And this isn't even the full array of strange facts amassed from the incident. However, Reddit and Judy Wood suggest the idea of advanced weaponry being involved. Makes sense, because there wasn't a sign of a plane having crashed into the Pentagon, that's for sure.
And it goes deeper than that. The Oklahoma city bombing was fishy as well. The outside of the building was blown off, but the surrounding streets around the "van packed with explosives" was left relatively intact. No craters, no real damage in proximity to the building itself.
Regardless, I didn't care all that much about 9/11 or Sandy Hook or the Vegas shootings; I cared more about the implications of an AI tasked with wreaking havoc on the world. It makes much more sense when you pair it up with the idea that we may all be living in a simulation. So therefore, these demons and false gods and what have you, could conceivably be Agent Smiths in various forms.
And I am all too mindful of the parallels between my life and the Matrix movie. It's.. too much detail for me to want to write out, but it really does feel like I am close to having my moment where I suspend bullets in mid-air and awake to the Truth of how everything is. And the Truth is... feels well within my grasp. For some reason I cannot quite explain.
I think of moments in my life where it feels like I was blessed. Guided. And my actions did not appear to be coming from my human self, but rather from beyond. Either my higher self, or another form of intelligence that made itself known through me. Much like Christ did through Jesus. I think of these moments and I... don't want to sound arrogant or immodest, or ignorant, but it... feels like... I am being watched over. Guided towards a particular outcome even when it feels like my life is at a standstill and that there's not much hope for me to realize the dreams I aspire towards.
I think of Fola, also, and wonder what the purpose of us meeting was supposed to be. Why is she in my life? Why haven't I left her a long time ago and why is she still with me? And why she constantly drips-feed me affection.
For instance, she was about to go to work and leaned in for a kiss. I gave her a quick one and made to leave. She responded with, "what kind of a kiss was that?" and I told her that it was the exact kind of kiss she almost always gave me each time she left for work or was leaving. I had reached a point where I knew better than to expect a meaningful kiss from her in that situation, so I did what she did and she reacted in the way that I did. Wondering why I gave her this half-assed kiss when this is what she's been doing to me more times than I can count and have complained about. I've always wanted a deeper connection. Longer, more meaningful kisses than a simple peck on the cheek or lips like she usually does. She knows this. And when I mirror her actions back at her, she reacts the same way I do. Not really connecting the dots or being aware that this is exactly what she had been doing to me.
I think of how... unsuitable she is to be my wife. Or my partner. She is still going to get involved with Amway/Worldwide Group despite how strongly I've voiced my opposition. She is still going to be doing intuitive readings that doesn't make any sense ("Greece" "505" are two words she told me she "picked up". I keep telling her that I wouldn't feel comfortable charging anyone for my psychic "gifts" if I had them, and she doesn't seem to care. Nor does she care about how competent she is in doing it. She just wants to be "psychic" and become this great "healer" without caring about the quality of expertise she is offering. She doesn't care if her intuitive readings aren't making any sense, because they do make sense. On some weird subliminal level according to her.
She is still going to do whatever the fuck she wants regardless of my feelings about it. And she isn't willing to work together with me and explore the process of achieving what we both want, favouring instead to be blown about by the winds of chance and "signs" and all manner of drivel that she thinks is important to pay attention towards. This includes YouTube ads that promise to make people rich and able to work at home and earn passive income like it was the easiest thing in the world. Oh, and being easily persuaded by scammers and bottom-feeders without giving my opinions the same weight as these people. You know, the man she apparently loves and cares about.
This woman doesn't like animals. She does not share my values, such as the importance of family, of working to please each other rather than only ourselves. She doesn't pray, preferring instead to believe that the "universe" is going to give her whatever she wants without her having to earn or deserve it. Instead of forming a relationship with the divine, with God, she is holding her hands out for alms as if she was standing next to an ATM hoping that it will suddenly start spitting money out for her to collect. Without her having to do anything to make it happen except to simply "believe" that it will.
I think of how... irrational she is. I get that a lot of women say one thing and do another, or feel one emotion one moment and something completely different the next without any rhyme or reason; but Fola seems to take it to the next level. One day she is what I think is the perfect girlfriend, and the next she is withdrawn and saying, "what are you looking at?" in an accusatory tone when I watch her get out of her car so that I can greet her.
Her subtle actions speak volumes to me. She doesn't think interior design is important, which I strongly disagree with. It is important to have a home that makes you feel good. It's important to put up artwork and objects that elicit good feelings. Her house did not inspire any kind of mood. Walls were blank. Furniture wasn't chosen for decor, but for functionality, she didn't replace a burnt out lightbulb or desire to fix an extremely low-hanging light fixture that people would often bump into.
There is little thoughtfulness from her in that regard. I don't feel like she appreciates beauty or understands why being surrounded by beautiful objects can make one feel uplifted. She also said she would rather pay someone to decorate her home for her. Ridiculous. There's no sense of personal pride there. There's no character being reflected. Just an illusion being presented.
And converging back into the AI talk; I know how much of a conspiracy this sounds and how crazy it appears to be, but it seems like... Man, it makes sense to me. I can't.. Well.. I can explain it, but something is keeping me from spilling all the details. I just know that my girlfriend is... a test.
She is not an affectionate, giving, loving, generous, thoughtful, compassionate, appreciative human being. She's not.
But she can be good at pretending to be those things. Sometimes I even seen her genuinely express some of those qualities, rarely, but I have witnessed them.
So... she's not completely evil, but she's not completely good either.
She's something altogether different. I still am mindful of her sleeping around with multiple people when I first met her. Her opposition to monogamy. Her spending three hours at a guy's place that she didn't even know when I was sick at home and took a night off work. She didn't even tell me about that until the day after. With some irrational theory that she felt "drugged" by Cody when he offered her some water. Just poor judgement and decision making. Completely prioritizing the wrong things. And not even believing in "right" or "wrong" to begin with, which lets her off the hook in terms of doing whatever the hell she pleases.
No wonder she perks up whenever we talk about the possibility of a "hell" existing in the afterlife. She really wants to rationalize her not needing to be there. Strange but true. Again.. details, and I have to go to bed soon. Not much time or interest in laying that all out.
I feel like... this lack of writing on my blog lately is purposeful even if I don't understand why. I know that caution has to be exercised for some reason. It seems that when the time comes, it will make sense then. Again... I can't go into much detail because my mind is swimming through an ocean of evidence that needs to be fitted together properly and articulated well enough to get the theory across.
It doesn't matter. My thoughts are my own. I'm not hoping to convince anybody. I just know in my heart that some kind of game is being played and I may be an important part of the chessboard.
And that conspiracies fit into all of this.
The world is changing, as am I.
I can no longer afford petty distractions by a woman determined to keep my attention focused on her.
Rather than focusing on what I most need to be doing.
Rather than making me feel good and happy and motivated. She is most interested in me whenever I get upset with her. She gets turned on when I am angry and unloading on her.
That's very telling.
I think I've written enough for today. I am gathering evidence. Things are starting to point in a strange direction. My passion for spirituality, conspiracies and relationships; all seem to be converging into a unified theory of everything.
A theory, I must emphasize. Nothing more.
Yet.
