Decided to blacklist her.
Its been enough of a gong show that I don't have much else I can do with that woman.
Here is what happened yesterday.
I woke up that afternoon was the word "piezoelectric" on my mind. I remembered fragments of a dream that I had, where I was teaching a little girl, possibly Ivy, how to bend spoons. I remember seeing her bend one and then showing her how I did it, which made it bend and curl even more. During all that, I could feel a type of static electricity shooting out from my fingers. Which made it all the more interesting that I woke up with that piezoelectric word in my mind, which means electricity generated under pressure.
Also in that dream, I had a sense that I had mastery over the world. Kind of like lucid dreaming. There was a moment where I was driving in a car and came across an extremely steep slope. There wasn't any way for the car to start going up at this impossible angle, but I remember looking at it and going "sticky wheels" and then the tires of the car stuck firmly to the surface as I drove up to the top.
Dream symbolism/interpretation tells me that I am coming to mastery. The desire or the realization of mastery, in some way shape or form.
After getting up, I went to Toys R Us to pick up this:
So, from there, I stopped at Carl Jr's for food since I haven't tried them before. Fola was about to get off of work, so we agreed to meet at Hermitage Park. She said she would be there at 5:50, which would give us around 40 minutes before I would have to leave for work.
I get there at around 5:52 and noticed she wasn't around. Decided to sit on a bench and eat my food.
At 6:15 she arrives. Coming to my bench, giving me a weak hug and kiss and sitting down. Looking cold and distant.
"Are you tired? Stressed? How was your day?" I asked her, noticing something strangely detached about her.
"No, my day was good. Busy." She says.
And then tells me that she contacted an ex-boyfriend of hers. A guy named Steven, who she loved and was loved by for a number of years.
Why? Because he got this as a tattoo:
I was livid. It was bad enough that she contacted an ex again, its even worse that she's using this Baphomet thing as a reason she thinks I should be okay with.
This comes from last week, where we had a fight over her joining the Ordo Templi Orientis (OTO), an organization that basically encourages narcissism and selfish behavior, where rituals and spells are cast to summon demons and Gods like Baphomet for whatever reason or another.
Look at what part of the initiation ceremony involves:
The Ceremony of Minerval, in appearance trivial and formal, contains a doctrine of substantial occult significance. The Candidate before admission is bound by an obligation in which he recognizes Baphomet as the Supreme Authority.
And the form they have to fill out involves them pledging an oath to the order, where they remove the OTO from all liability involving broken bones, psychological trauma, sexually transmitted diseases and even death.
When I asked if she was joining, she said yes. Then she read my email about how I am ending the relationship if she does. Then she changed her mind.
She is ignorant. Can't even be bothered to read any of Crowley's books or to do a little research into the OTO before agreeing to join. Has no problem with swearing an oath, because as she told me yesterday, "I don't believe in contracts/oaths".
What a shitty individual. That's the woman I love? And want to be loved by? What the fuck is wrong with me? With her?
If she joins, she's basically joining a cult that reveres selfishness and teaches sex magic.
Signing that form would be like signing her soul away. They can do whatever the fuck they want with her.
And.. man... We got over that crisis last week, I thought, until she sent me a picture of this, a few days ago:
Right next to the SRF guy. Fola told me she thought that was interesting, and I knew why.
That idiot girl has no mind of her own. She blindly follows "signs" that take her in what appears to be a dark direction.
I've given up on her. There's no hope in fixing stupid. She wants to be laying naked on some altar and fellating some guy during a ritual? Go ahead. I want no part of it. I won't be renouncing Jesus and God and supporting a cult whose founder thinks its okay to subject small children to all manner of sex acts and depravity. As his words say:
Moreover, the Beast 666 [Crowley] adviseth that all children shall be accustomed from infancy to witness every type of sexual act." Israel Regardie: "The Law is for All", Arizona 1975, 114
Wonderful. And this is the woman I am dating?
That's my soul mate? My twin flame, who is willing to swear an oath to the leader of a cult in which he advocates for pedophilia and corruption?
http://www.parareligion.ch/2009/secret/secrets.htm
That link is so interesting. Crowley was a mad man. He died broke and penniless and unloved and riddled with sexual diseases. Heck of a role model to look up to.
And Fola wants to join this shit.
Oh, and part of the initiation involves consuming semen.
Yeah... I don't want to be spending the rest of my life with someone who is willing to do and believe in all these things. Someone so utterly brainless. Inconsiderate, selfish and without empathy.
Do what she wilt, shall be the whole of the law.
Fuck her.
She can go back to being how she was when we met. Sleeping with multiple random people, getting STDs and following "signs" all the way to hell.
And fooling herself into thinking she wants to help people and become a great healer.
And develop her psychic powers.
Fucking idiot.
I've loved her, and she knows that. She's felt that.
She does not respect that.
So.
Fuck her.
We're done.
And I had to blacklist her, because I am so quick to forgive that I don't know what she will text me with next. And I don't think engaging with her is wise. She doesn't listen to me anyways. Won't listen to reason.
Won't follow the path of love.
That's her choice.
She's made her bed.
And now she must lay in it.
All hail Baphomet.
May God have mercy on her soul.
Should she want and deserve it.
