I was paid a visit.. and BEHOLD! Jehovah's Witnesses! My favourite prey!
From time to time I get visited by these guys and I relish the opportunity to air out my "concerns" about Christianity while they stand flabbergasted - flummoxed even, by the 1-2 punch of questions that I have stored up over the years.
I thought it would be just another go at it, but they came prepared this time. Greeting me by name and the lady that I have seen twice before, had decided to bring her husband along as backup.
I think it went on for about a half hour, me leaning against the door frame and casually deflecting their assertions.
It started with, "where do we go after we die? the bible answers these questions!"
I'm like.. "probably hell, since I don't believe in biblical mythology."
They showed me a passage proving that I was right. That God would send sinners to a "fiery" hell.
Then I moved onto phase two. What kind of God is this? Vengeful? Merciless?
"Oh no, he's a loving God." they assured me. Yet, could not quite explain why God destroyed Babylon, Sodom & Gomorra, brought down the walls of Jericho and my personal favourite, the story of Abraham where he was asked by God to sacrifice his first-born son.
And fiery hell, oh my. This is a loving God?
Yes he is! Of course they pointed out the relevant sections in the Bible, yet did not provide any reason as to why he was so involved in human affairs back in the day, turning people into pillars of salt, appearing as a burning bush, etc. Yet in the present day, he remains woefully inconspicuous.
I was complimented a few times, "you're a thinker! I love it!" and "see? I told you he would be interesting!"
There was a moment where I couldn't surpress a smile when I was told that the Bible did indeed have scientific evidence behind it, I mean there was a passage that vaguely suggested the Earth was round, long before science discovered it. Incredible!
Of course, I pointed out the numerous ways that certain passage could be interpreted as well as reminding them of the revisions made over the years.
Still, as fun as this all was, it didn't come close to the last visit where I was told that God would bring paradise to Earth at the time of the rapture. To which I responded:
"Who wants to live forever?"
Then, a debate about how nice it would be not to die, grow old or get sick. And of course that lead to a discussion about who gets to stay at what age, what the purpose of living would be and the problem of over-population. Touche. I mean, I thought I was making some logical points.
But, the pleasure I was getting from this was miniscule. I realized as they were passionately arguing their points, that I wished I could feel as fervent and dedicated to an ideology as they were. I wish I had that "core" to fall back on when times get tough and need something that helps me feel optimistic and good about life.
I remind myself that though I am spiritual, my fragmented secular way of thinking is without much evidence to be inspired by. For those type of people, they do not need "proof" to feel so passionate about their beliefs. I admire and somewhat envy that, but at the same time I'm afraid of throwing my skepticism out the window and just believing.
Maybe I lack the conviction. Or maybe I'm just afraid of deluding myself.
But I do believe that there is a God, yet I can never settle on a definition of it or what it's purpose may be. I feel that we are all parts of it and we do share in the act of creation. Yet, just how much influence and power do we actually wield? Is there a purpose to this existence? Or is it a playground where we strive to fulfill subjectively petty needs? Just how much of our ego are we allowed to satisfy without feeling ashamed about it? Is the acquisition of money and power really such a bad thing? Are there any punitive consequences to being amoral and selfish?
Seriously, what is the point of all this?
I feel sad just thinking about it.
I want to know.
