Lately I've came to the realization that I have been overthinking my life. What my goals are, where I stand, who I am, what I need, what I should be doing, etc. And I've come to understand that I'm putting far too much pressure on what my expectations are.
So with that, I'm announcing a break from blogging. And perhaps even surfing the web. Just until I get more centred and relaxed with where I am. I've already eliminated gaming and have freed up a significant amount of time for myself, but it's still not enough to push me in the direction I need to go.
I had a great time last night at Thanksgiving dinner which my mother graciously hosted. An aunt and three cousins also made an appearance.
It wasn't until I was driving home that I realized how much I love my family. How grateful I am to have them in my life and that in spite of all of my problems, I still have people out there who love and care about me.
I also texted the ex, wishing her a happy Thanksgiving. Of course, she didn't reply but I don't feel any sense of regret or shame over sending it.
Today marks the 33rd day since I've last seen her and my feelings haven't changed. At all. I still love and want to be with her. Although I'm aware that we might never get back together, I don't know how long it will take for these feelings to go away.
Anyways.. I'm preparing to move onto bigger and better things in my life right now, but I don't want to over exert myself. I need to put my focus onto the things that matter most to me right now. Writing my book, finding true love and learning to love myself again.
So.. I'm going to take a short break. While I live to write, I sometimes feel like I force my thoughts and it comes out unnatural and lacking in any real insight or wisdom. At least when it comes to blogging that is, as I get the sense that people are reading what I'm saying and I'm compelled to hold certain thoughts back. I need to move past this by setting my focus free and allowing the expression of my heart to come through, rather than my ego.
This is me letting go...
For now.
