It finally happened. After meeting Karlee online in February, we spent two weeks together and it now has been about three days since we last saw each other.
I'm sad, of course. I love this woman and she loves me. I don't think I ever said "I love you" with as much ease and without any hesitation as I did with her.
Yet, the truth is that she is over in Australia and I am here, in Canada. Almost 30 hours away by plane. Impossible to see her without a passport and money to be able to stay in Australia for any length of time to continue and develop our relationship.
It is disheartening to think about the distance between us. There is no way of either of us swinging by on a Saturday night to watch a movie together, to make love and wake up in the morning in the same bed.
These are difficult times as they are and both of us are in difficult circumstances in our lives. She is living with an abusive husband, young children with behavioral and developmental disorders and a medical condition that is at present, incurable and an omnipotent part of her daily life.
She has a mother much like my own who relishes the creation of drama and strife in people's lives. Her mom even has the same breed of cat that mine does.
We both met over our discontent over the state of the reality in which we inhabit. Her reasons are far more palpable and agreeable than my own yet we converge on general themes and ideas of why this world appears much like a farm for human energy that is populated by a robotic form of consciousness (NPCs) and possibly managed by what is popularly known as "aliens" which are in essence, avatars of the operating system tasked with keeping it running. This also includes the astral realm where technology is used to coerce and persuade the recently deceased to come to Earth for another round of life in a new body under the pretenses of having a "mission" to fulfill or "learning" to be done.
It is no secret that I feel like I have been manipulated by this place enough. I have felt betrayed by the forces I have long prayed towards and sought assistance from. I have reached the bottom of the pit by having to live with my money and going through bankruptcy with no real hope in sight for getting my life back to the way it was.
No hope that is, until I met Karlee.
It was a year ago I drove around outside of town looking for a suitable place to hang myself because I no longer wanted anything more to do with this life. I have spent considerable time looking at Near Death Experiences and putting pieces together to get a good sense of what the afterlife is and what our purposes are for being on this planet.
I thought I was done and treated my life according to that fact. I no longer cared about work, about love, about money or sex or family or friends or ambitions. I had already mentally and spiritually checked myself out from this place and was making preparations for my physical exit.
Each day I was reminded in many ways big and small of how pointless this existence is. The majority of people who did not seem to acknowledge the manipulation and destruction of Western society through political means and media/corporate ideology. The purple haired heavily tattooed liberal feminist woman was the template by which I directed my contempt towards and the men that turned a blind eye to the degradation and ethical erosion of our society.
Each day I thought about the looming financial collapse, intentionally caused inflation, the weaponization of compassion servicing the LGBTQ+ movement and so on and so forth. I was thoroughly demoralized and without optimism for the future of humanity. Both my inner and outer worlds were collapsing and I wanted nothing more to do with the slave system I found myself in, run by cattle and the politicians and media personalities that herd them.
And then I met Karlee. This sweet strong lady who has endured so much struggle and heartache who decided to fly all the way here to come see me. Booking us Airbnbs to stay at for two weeks.
I have never felt more grateful for anyone in my life. Karlee was a gift that came out of nowhere.
Those two weeks were magical and when they ended, felt like we emerged from a dream to be back to the way we were.
Back to this grotesque excuse for "reality" where everyone is struggling to earn enough money to be able to put food on the table and a roof over their heads while paying for their car, the insurance on their car, medical expenses, taxes, bills and so on and so forth.
Just working to survive. Chasing those dollars. Focusing on the superficial and ignoring the deeper questions of what type of world this really is and who runs it and why we are here.
Karlee and I aren't exempt from the need to earn money to survive but we at least are asking and exploring the important questions.
Our time together started off nice and slow with me happily reminding her after a few days that we aren't even at the halfway mark and that we still had over a week left to go. Then, at the halfway point it felt like everything accelerated until the last day when we said our tearful farewells in the car and at the airport.
We both hate this place. Our bodies. Our circumstances.
But together, hardly any of our complaints were a focus of conversation and that was a nourishing and satisfying way of being. Just being present. Cooking, cleaning, travelling, talking, kissing, touching, having sex... it was a window into another life. A look at the potential of our relationship.
And yet, we are so far apart from one another that it will be difficult to continue on without my going to Australia and settling down with her.
I don't know what to say... I want it to happen but a visa to Australia costs almost $10,000 if I plan on staying for more than a few months. That's for a work visa. A partner visa requires marriage and is about $10,000 also. I don't have the money for it and yet Karlee is optimistic and suggests we both can save and work together to make it happen.
But it's tough. Who knows how many months it will be before that happens. She has separated from her husband months ago and will soon be entering a stressful phase of legal battles to gain her freedom. It won't be easy.
I am feeling so mixed about all of this. I know I want to be with her but in Australia? NWO central? Where they refuse organ transplants to the unvaccinated and have set up quarantine "camps" that they stuffed hundreds of people in during the pandemic? I followed one fellow who I knew ended up in that place and his account is no longer active. There's been no follow-up after he has been released.
IF he has been released.
His website is no longer active also, in addition to his Twitter account.
So it's not good what is happening in this world. A part of me is completely done with it all and wants a conscious exit where I will assert my will and demand answers from whatever greets me on the other side. Continuing on living means further pain, heartbreak, loss of dignity, lack of purpose and who knows what else if I don't have some sort of epiphany or divine intervention involved.
And I'm hoping for divine intervention. I don't care from what direction it comes but I want and need a huge sum of money to get me back on my feet to seek my independence. Not just for myself, but for Karlee also and the few people I know who are awake and are going through difficult periods of financial hardship.
I want and will help those in need like myself. I cannot help everyone but I can help the handful of folks I know who will greatly benefit from having a good sum of money in their pockets to try and exist a little longer in this crazy reality we are in.
The supposed "end" times.
Daily I've been watching the news and reading articles about what is going on. All manner of speculation and ideas have been digested and considered. The grand puzzle that I am piecing together is revealing itself to be an anti-human agenda where the freedoms we once enjoyed are being curtailed under the guise of ESG and anti-racist behavior.
My personal outlook is a bleak one given the majority of us are jabbed and oblivious to what is going on. If this was a spiritual democracy, the majority appear to be in favor of being told what to do and are easily duped by media and political narratives.
Today I took the step of accepting all of this. My deplorable situation, the people in my environment, the political garbage being spewed out and its been a difficult and ongoing process.
But I have made some progress.
There are really only two options for me. To live and to thrive, or to continue as I am and to prepare to die -- or at least, not participate for as long as I can until I pass.
The former is what I should be striving towards, the latter is a path to destruction and utter destitution.
Yet, I am constantly reminded of the home I once lived in. In private, decorated exactly the way I wanted it, choosing the food I want to eat, spending my time the way I want to spend it.
And it sucks having those memories. Those regrets of not cashing out my stocks the moment I saw them going down. I would have had 200k to pay off all my debts with about 90k left over for a new car and the chance to travel to places. Perhaps even to leave the country and move elsewhere.
But it all went to shit.
I'd like to say that there is no one and nothing to blame but myself yet I don't think that is completely accurate. I know external forces were at play during this critical period of my life. I remember well how I was compelled to go to that cabin near St Paul to drop off all the items that I did. I remember how it didn't make sense to take two passports with me and I did, only to somehow lose them along the journey.
I remember that feeling of being stranded out there in the middle of nowhere at 2am, cold and feeling this negative energy pressing itself down onto me. Feeling the push of forces that I could not see. I have no explanation for why it all happened the way it did. Unless it was done to purposefully cripple me so that I would not be able to follow the path that would have led me towards a grander purpose and meaning for my life and to benefit humankind with.
It shook my faith in a way I did not expect. Sending me into the depths of a darkness I could not have anticipated.
And that is where I am right now. In the dark. Karlee is gone and it is up for me to seek the light of an exit that will get me out from this mess.
The real question is how do I achieve it with the crippling of my faith? I believed in God. I believe in the values of Truth, Love, Beauty, Compassion, Justice, Prosperity and Freedom for all that is ostensibly represented by this cosmic creator, this grand architect.
This post is serving a dual purpose. I want to to encapsulate my thoughts and to broadcast them out in the hopes that somehow they will reach the right destination.
I need and require a miracle. For months now I have been thinking the only possibility left for me is winning a large jackpot in the lottery. 1, 6, 9, 11, 25, 44 are the numbers I've been playing since about March. I do not know if they will win and I am open to trying other numbers should somehow they reveal themselves to me and they have...
11, 16, 24, 26, 42, 44 all entered my mind yesterday.
I believe there are powerful forces at play within our world. Forces that can receive messages like this and enable miracles to happen. I have suffered long enough. I want it to end.
I want to win the lottery.
I'm ready for it. As crazy as the odds are, I believe it is possible even if the system is rigged.
I believe the past, present and future all exist simultaneously on a level unseen to us humans.
I believe in goodness. I believe in mercy and compassion.
I believe there exists a higher force that can enable such miracles to happen. I've experienced many strange things in my life that have disrupted and shaped my understanding of what is possible in this world.
I did meet Karlee after all. At a time when I thought myself to be finished with relationships and have given up on love.
Yet, somehow we came together. Somehow we spent two weeks together in person.
And it was glorious.
It was a miracle.
Now I need a bigger one to help deliver the two of us. Six million dollars is the perfect amount for me to help those I know who are in need and to ensure my continued survival as well as Karlee.
Six million dollars... Even one million is fine, but six is absolutely perfect.
I am waiting.
The grand architect sees all.
Don't let me down again, please.
I will not take it for granted.
Thank you.
Lives are hanging in the balance depending on it.
The ball is in your court.
