It's tough. Today I'm really thinking about her and it's been negative for the most part.
I suppose my mind is attempting to rationalize the outburst I let out on Saturday. I find that I have no shortage of reasons to not be with that woman, and I have very few to be with her.
But, those very few reasons seem to exert their own gravitational pull. I can't deny that I love her. I can't deny how good it feels to be with her. At times.
I cannot ignore how intense our connection was, and still is, as I sit on the green grass leaning up against a large rock at Hermitage park.
It's a beautiful day outside. One that would be made better if I could spend it with someone worthwhile.
Someone who smiles at me with a twinkle in their eyes. Who reaches for my hand, or my arm, and leans over for a meaningful kiss.
Part of what this breakup difficult, is that I sometimes had close approximations of those feelings with her. Sometimes it was just right, and felt so good, that I miss being with her. To occasionally partake of such moments.
Ocassionally. Because it's rare. Rare moments that are not unlike the dog under the dining room table waiting patiently for scraps.
And I am not a dog.
I no longer consent to being treated like one.
And I think of her. What she is doing and feeling and thinking, and I feel this sad unknowing that it's either good or bad. But likely bad... I think...
What we've shared together, will stick in our memories and hearts. My anger will also. And I do not know if she will accept responsibility or if she will brush it all away and continue going on making poor choices and following "signs" as she further corrupts her already corrupted self.
I love that woman, but I no longer can stand idly by and watch her destroy herself in the false pursuit of truth.
Which is tattooed on her wrist. This slogan that is hypocritically and permanently marked upon her.
Let Truth be her guide. Her intuition has proven itself wrong many times before, and I pray that something now will have changed. I pray she will realize the error of her ways. I pray for her to understand and know the difference between falsehood and fact, of good and evil. To know integrity and to honour that which is most important.
Love.
Money will not buy her love.
The OTO will not give her wisdom.
Angels, Ascended Masters, psychics, shamans and YouTube personalities will not grant her Truth.
It has to come from within herself. Not from outside.
Not even from me. All I can do is point the way. I cannot control her.
Though she often has told me she desires just that. And that is the lazy way out. That is the deflection of responsibility.
For she must achieve such glories and realizations on her own.
I love her.
I love you Fola.
But you must fix yourself.
You must try.
Listen to the voice within and reason with it once it speaks.
Then. And only then can you make the choice to fly with your heart, once you've discerned truth being spoken and not lies. Not false promises.
Once you decide to surrender to love and make that your highest priority, everything else will fall into place.
I believe in you. This is possible. Even if it may be very difficult to do.
If you believe in my love for you, you will try.
If you do not, then you shall remain the same.
Until the next we meet.
In this life or the next.
Veritas lux mea.
Truth is your light.
