I have had one such gift arrive two days ago and upon further reflection, there were other small gifts that lead up to the one I most recently received.
It was a comment posted on a YouTube video that I stumbled across which lead me to what the Creator had in store. Howdie Mickoski who posts on YT about once a month now, released a video about 11 hours before that I watched and didn't think much of. He discussed creation and exiting Plato's Cave but to be honest, I didn't get much out of that conversation.
However, a thought came to my mind later to check the comment section and there it was. A comment from someone who recommended a book called "Butterflies are Free to Fly" which sounded intriguing but me being unable to purchase it was soon remedied when I did a search and found that the author was offering it for free on his website.
And the book gave me the perspective that I needed. For the past 24 hours I have been deeply reflecting on it's premise. That we are not in control of our experiences. All that we can control are our feelings and reactions to the experiences created for us,
To me, this explained a lot of different experiences I've had in my life. From feeling "possessed" by some external intelligence to being given signs such as "someone is watching you" and being lead to certain people at certain times.
The premise further expands itself as the author fills in all the missing pieces of the puzzle I have been searching for. Well, maybe not all of the missing ones but quite a few.
It explains why "the Secret" doesn't work as advertised. It explains serendipity. It basically makes the case that we are all characters in a video game being played by "something" else.
And that something else is what the author calls "the Infinite I" ... which may as well mean "God" although it's not quite like God even though it has God-like powers to be able to script our reality and the people that we come across.
Jeff Berwick often likes to say that we are in a 3D video game and I could grasp what he was saying on one level, but this book took it up a few notches and explained more about how not only are we living in a holographic reality but we aren't exactly in control of our experiences and operate at the whims of something or someone else.
The Infinite I. The intelligence that moves pawns about on the chessboard.
The "game" is that the chess pieces aren't aware that they are being used and moved around or part of a game to begin with.
The author as I said, filled in a lot of holes that I still had in my thoughts. As someone who has read hundreds of books on metaphysics and self-help, etc. His concepts drew from many of the sources I myself am familiar with.
My first impression was that he drew information from the right sources. McKenna, David Bohm, Michael Talbot, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Taoism I believe was referenced. Bruce Lipton, Rhonda Byrnes among others.
Oh, and Dean Radin especially, was a great source to draw material from.
I think I have something here. I do see the futility of my situation. I am hoping for a miracle and while reading this book, I realized that a miracle can only happen under certain conditions.
I will have to re-establish my relationship with that which is controlling me. To acknowledge it and to... I suppose, please it. Apologize. Share my dreams and feelings and struggles.
Basically, I need to connect with "God" or the power that is able to create and manifest experiences in my life.
And I have been appreciative of the process so far. I feel more at ease. I've accepted my situation and all the... annoyances that come with it. That's important and new to me.
I've accepted it but I certainly do not prefer living this way.
And so many connections were made that I see the hand of the divine behind events leading up to my reading this book.
For instance, I've been meaning to watch the movie the Thirteenth Floor for a while now. Haven't felt an impulse to but I've kept it in my folder on the laptop for whenever the mood strikes. Almost a year it's been sitting there, unwatched.
Well, reading the book has the author recommending this particular movie to watch.
And after ten minutes in, I felt the urge to pause and write this blog entry to express my appreciation at the Infinite I for leading me to this moment.
Yes, the world is in terrible shape. I still want to leave this country. Still want to live in Vilcabamba or around that area and still want to win a million-dollar lottery jackpot.
I also know that I still want to find and experience real love one day but from reading the book, I realize that these are all outcomes I must do my best not to attach towards.
For it is as Buddha said, attachment is suffering.
The book is filled with nuggets of wisdom drawn from multiple sources. It's not the end-all. be-all of a life philosophy but it provided to me the important puzzle pieces I've been looking for.
It indirectly explains that sign I was given on the park bench where "someone is watching" was scribbled onto a note attached a week after I had asked if anyone was watching me because I felt alone and unloved.
The Infinite I did answer me. It did respond.
So... in my despair, I must turn to radical ideas. Perhaps I am not in control of my experiences. I am not the designer of them. I am the experiencer of them. That is my job. To experience. To perceive, to feel and to react.
My free will is the control I have over my feelings and reactions.
Everything else is up to God or the Infinite I as the author likes to call it.
It's a radical idea. It makes sense too. I spent a good amount of time reviewing moments of my life to see if this new philosophy fits in with my past experiences and it does seem to.
What I most want right now is that connection back. To being close with this Infinite I, this Creator this intelligence who is controlling my avatar.
I want to commune with it. I want to please it.
And in turn, I want to be pleased by it.
I really could use a big cosmic hug right now and a kiss on the top of my head.
As the world falls apart and I am living with my mother in a city that I dislike in a country that I no longer am interested in living in with a wallet that is nearly empty and no interest in finding a job or career in this place.
I am willing to surrender it all should the Infinite I be compassionate and loving enough to grant me what I desire.
I... I cannot thank it enough for leading me to this book so that I can better understand it.
I am hoping my ruminations and my attitude will be noticed and encouraged along.
Because I am so very tired of living like this. I have my flaws and I am in the process of acknowledging their origins and corrections.
I really am tired. I have a hard time gathering any energy to store in my batteries.
It truly would take a miracle to get me out of this predicament.
And I believe in miracles.
I believe in the Infinite I.
I believe in God, the Creator.
I just want it to believe in me by giving me a second chance. A new opportunity.
A way out.
I want it to invest in me.
Because I have been searching for God most of my life. To understand the meaning of this place.
And...
I believe I am coming close to understanding what it all is.
A video game.
And I am a player on the other side.
I am not my body.
I am not my posessions.
I am not my achievements.
I am me.
A man who desires to commune with the forces of goodness and to do good things.
In the name of truth, beauty, love, prosperity, justice, compassion and freedom.
As the world crumbles, I can only express my desire to leave for a better place. To experience new experiences before I pass from this earth. To make my Controller proud and myself to be proud of it.
I see now why gratitude is important even in the worst of situations.
Everything is designed to bring us about to deeper realizations. Of knowing who and what we are.
Video game characters in a holographic universe.
And the video game appears to soon be radically changing judging by the look of things.
I'd like to be a part of the new world.
I'd like to be surrounded by people that love me. That think like me.
In my own home that has an old tree in the yard with a tire hanging off of a rope.
Music from a record player, Elvis, "Caught in a trap..."
The woman that I love coming out with glasses of lemonade as we sit next to each other, watching the darkening sky. Admiring the stars.
Perhaps a child of my own. I know, it sounds ludicrus at this point. Being almost 50 years old and unmarried.
Wealthy enough to retire in Ecuador.
Enjoying that warm year-round weather. Warm thundershowers.
New kinds of insects and wildlife.
A simple life. A quiet and private one.
Far from the noises of the big cities.
That's my desire.
I would like to write a book about my redemption. My deliverance and my renewal.
Should the Infinite I feel that I am ready for such things.
I think that I am.
I would like to find out.
And I would want to honor this Guardian of mine.
For saving me because I cannot think of how I can save myself. Other than by a miracle.
And so.
I will do what I can.
To be who that I am.
Until the opportunity comes.
Thank you Infinity I.
Thank you God.
I hope you are reading these words.
I hope an answer is coming soon.
Thank you.
Now back to the movie. Which by the way, is about exactly all this. That we live in a holographic reality.
Funny stuff.
