We're almost done. Fola and I.
About a month ago (which I may have blogged about), she made a joke to people at her Christmas party about giving her number to a doctor when the conversation turned to a single doctor bachelor that people there knew.
I was understandably upset about her saying that. Right when I was sitting next to her. She claims not to remember making this joke afterwards. We had a fight where I explained to her how I felt about it.
Fast forward a month later and I am at Sade's house for dinner. Fola held her phone near me and I noticed a Facebook icon with a 4 on the bubble. It was a picture of a husky dog, so I jokingly asked if she was talking to a dog online.
"No!" she responds. "It's a doctor."
"What doctor?"
"The doctor! The psychiatrist! Don't worry about it!"
"Yes David, don't worry about it." Said Sade.
I was pissed. Not even a month went by and here she is, talking to some doctor online that she doesn't want to tell me the details about. Just "don't worry about it".
Since dinner was concluded, I decided to take Sadie (the dog I'm fostering) out for a walk and to have a smoke. I was angry and needed to cool off and get my wits about me.
As I'm leaving, Fola asks if I'm coming back so we can "talk about it".
About what? Her messaging a doctor? Still no details. No reassurance. No reason for me to not continue being angry and upset, letting my imagination run wild and remembering what happened the month before at the party.
She didn't text or call me when I left for that walk. Didn't care to make me feel any better.
When I returned, I sat on the couch waiting for her to put her daughter to bed. She then said that we can go out and talk about it in my car. So we did.
"I have nothing to hide" she says, handing over her phone for me to look at the conversation.
You know what blog? I'm a dumbass. And so is she.
The conversation "started" because Fola put up a book for sale about polyamory. Then, this doctor who she already had on Facebook, messaged her asking about it.
He did more than ask about the book, he asked her about polyamory and open relationships. This guy is married by the way, and Fola admitted to me that he has hit on her in the past. Some Nigerian guy that she claims not to be attracted towards.
What happens in the conversation? She continues to feed him long detailed responses about her personal and sex life. Eventually telling him where she works and that they should meet for coffee.
I'm tired, blog. I can't even muster up the necessary anger to really communicate how I was feeling as I looked at this conversation. The guy CLEARLY was looking for something on the side and she encouraged him all the way by having this "platonic" conversation about her views on sex and relationships.
She tried to tell me that she wanted to keep a "professional relationship" going with this guy, but that is such obviously bullshit. Who engages in a conversation like that? I thought for a second that she couldn't see how he was hitting on her, but no, she admitted that she knew he was, and allowed him to do it anyways.
All the while trying to play it off like she did nothing wrong.
Stringing him along as she has done with me.
I've had enough.
I don't even feel like typing what happened afterwards. Silent treatment right now and... I've accepted that I can no longer trust her.
If I can't trust her, then there's no point to this relationship. Took me a long time to finally reach this conclusion.
A few months ago, her friend Ryan ...
Fuck it. FUCK IT.
Not going to bother explaining.
Not going to keep... bringing up negativity that she caused.
Not going to point out all the reasons and examples of why I can't trust her. I KNOW I can't, and that doesn't mean I'm obligated to explain any of it.
I wrote a long text to her yesterday but decided not to send it. Actually, I put it on a timer for a year from now, so she will get it then.
By that time, I would be very surprised if we are still together.
My reasoning for not sending her this message is because I'm tired of talking to a child.
She doesn't think she needs to earn my trust. Always reminds me that she has nothing to prove to me.
Always says that there is no "right or wrong" and argues against me without backing up her words with good reasons.
Just argues for the sake of arguing. Even her sister pointed this out when I was over. She doesn't want to accept responsibility for her mistakes. And SHE KNEW what this guy was after, but continued the conversation and strung him along.
Strung me along too. For two years.
I've had enough.
So... I reactivated my profile on OkCupid yesterday. Put it as "looking for friends" because I reason that if she can engage in sexual conversations with predators and then go out for coffee with them, so can I.
She's set this precedent. She's made her bed and now she is going to lay in it.
I don't give a fuck about her anymore. I don't think there's a shred of affection or respect left for her.
I told her that I'm almost hoping she will cheat on me so I can end this sorry relationship with my head held high.
In the meantime, I'm not going to show her any respect or affection. See how far that'll take us. She doesn't want to earn my trust or prove her worth, neither shall I. It'll disintegrate, eventually.
Well.
This is how it has to be.
And what I described was only one thing in a long line of small betrayals and rejections and shows of disrespect. Within weeks, actually.
Tired of it.
I'm done and she's arrived at my house.
