Met a cute little dog too.
Went to Little Caesars. Picked up a stuffed crust vegetarian. Got home. Watched Bobby Flay. Ate the pizza. Had wine. Texted people.
Hmm.
Fola wants to meet me tonight at Tim Hortons.
There is something strange in the air about all this. We were in a discussion about what I think relationships should be based on, and how to create a future together.
She didn't seem to agree with what I was saying. So... Her being contrary for the sake of it, seems to be making itself known. I gave her a pretty sensible viewpoint as well, but she responded with, "yeah, that makes sense from your view" whatever the heck that is supposed to mean. Looks like she missed the point of what I was saying. Again.
What I find strange, is how my mood seemed to change shortly after writing my last entry. There is something interesting happening whenever I type out my thoughts. It's almost as if...
Hmm. Don't think I need to openly declare what my suspicions are.
But, I like the idea of being listened to. For what's thats worth.
Looks like Michelle and I are hanging out tomorrow, and Natalia cancelled our date for tonight and we'll be going to Tony's Pizza on Sunday.
Life continues to chug along.
I'm thinking that once I get home later tonight, I'm going to lay in bed after clearing the room of sage. Maybe have a joint. Listen to music, and enjoy a light show.
In my heart, I realize that this has all been an interlude. There is something coming. Something great. Beautiful. Everlasting, and deserved.
But I really don't know what that might be. Or what it will look like.
I just know to keep myself prepared and willing to receive it.
Today, I have been feeling a lot of sensation in my "third eye" which apparently is responsible for wisdom and awareness. I have been feeling wise and aware, even if not as much as I would like to be. It seems to come and go and vary in intensity. There is also a warmth coming from my chest too, at times.
I like it.
In thinking about Fola.. Well... Hmm.
Yeah, I don't know man.
Part of me feels like she can redeem herself at any time, should she have her "ah ha!" moment where she realizes whats important, if only I can assist her in discovering what that is.
And maybe that's not what I should be doing. Maybe I can't force rationality and logic onto someone. Maybe I should just leave her alone and share my views without coming across as high and mighty about them. And so far today, it seems to be working. I have managed to stay true to myself and my feelings as well as I can.
There is an intelligence out there. This is a game. I am a player, or a student, operating in a universe constructed as a giant playground or school. Or both.
I am a good man. With a lot to offer. I am dealing with temptation. I am struggling with knowing what to do and where to go.
Let love be my guide, I suppose.
I must keep faith in the machinations of existence. The mechanism that I am to operate under, which is serving me as I am serving it.
As I am trying to serve it, because I can't admit I completely know how.
But I try. In my own ways. Big and small.
And I really appreciate the gift of being alive.
No matter how dark and sinister things can get. I have to be strong. To move forward, and to know that there is something or someone out there that is taking notice of my struggle.
Whether they intervene or not, is irrelevant. Just the facts of my feelings and concerns are enough.
And my willingness to try and understand the unknown that is before me.
Even if on a deep level, I already understand everything.
But I cannot consciously articulate these truths.
And yet, I already have been.
So..
Pride has always been my downfall. Humility my weakness.
Love...
Ah, love.
Love.
Is all that truly matters. Both now, and in the end.
Perhaps this is the truth I cannot seem to articulate.
Maybe...
Maybe I know enough.
Maybe I'm on the right path.
It really does feel that way sometimes.
All these twists and turns were necessary.
To get me to where I need to be.
And want to be.
Should I keep patience and faith alive.
And to always try my best to stay true.
Wish me luck.
As I continue along on my way.
Namaste.
The soul in me greets the soul in you.
