Wow, what a rollercoaster. What a ride.
So many things have happened in the past while, that I can't possibly do them all justice in this one post, so I won't even try.
Most if it is Fola related, some of it is this new business I'm starting, another has to do with our trip to Arizona.
Busy, busy, busy, I tell you.
Life is good. Praise Allah, or God, or whomever. I'm still in one piece. I'm still blessed and fortunate to have both feet planted on the ground of this earth.
She loves me. That much I know. More so than with anyone else before, and it's a great feeling. Again, I'm so lucky. But I know better than to give in and let go of my hesitation and caution. I still need to be careful. Mindful of who I am and where I've come. It's been a long, painful journey and it continues to be a journey. I am not where I need to be just yet.
But I will be. If things keep up the way they are, I will definitely be.
I feel bad somewhat for not updating this blog much. I miss putting my personal thoughts down knowing that nobody else is reading this. It's supremely helpful. And I like looking back at old entries to take note of how much things have changed.
Everything with Fola is going well, so far. I met her friend Ryan, and he seems to really like me. As I do him. Going to meet Lenore, another friend of Fola in a few days here. Hopefully that'll go well, too.
Now that I am approaching the kind of life I've wanted, I know that I have to continue to earn it. To be deserving. To put in the effort as a show of gratitude to the powers that have enabled all this to happen. Complacency is a demon I continue to do battle with, but it has lost more times than it has won. And that to me, is progress of a welcome sort.
Life is such a curious and beautiful thing. Although I have spent a large chunk of my life living in despair and fear of it; I no longer really do. I've learned to embrace all it has to offer, even when it hurts, because pain is an aspect of life. Giving into it, or ignoring it isn't going to make it go away or make it hurt any less. The real challenge is to never feel comfortable with a lower standard of living. Always keep your expectations high. Always demand the very best, even when the chips are down.
Especially, so.
Gyngie and I have somewhat parted ways, and I'm glad to have removed myself from her influence somewhat. She's... grown complacent. To the point where it doesn't look like she will find reason enough to pull herself up and go onto bigger and better things. I guess some people will never change, no matter how much I try to help them to. Encouragement has never worked. Belittling her has never worked. Tempting and bargaining with her hasn't worked. Compassion hasn't worked either. So I tried a full on assault of the truth, and that hasn't worked either.
Some people will never change. Some people just don't want to change, even when their lives absolutely suck, no matter how good the advice they get. You can't change someone who refuses to. You can't mold anyone against their will.
Tough lesson for me to learn, and even tougher to walk away from Gyngie. I just don't want any more bullshit or stress or worry in my life. And that extends to the people I care about. Sometimes they need to be alone in order to find reason enough to change. And oftentimes, that won't help either. At least not enough for them to really want to turn things around.
Some people are comfortable living at the bottom. It's the only way they know. And I can't respect that. I told Gyngie just that.
Well, back to life I go. I've got stuff to do.
I miss you, my blog.
See you soon.
I hope.
