I've been finally given the self-confidence of voicing a controversial opinion in our household. Is my stepdad bloody retarded? YES, YES HE IS.
This isn't a cruel, over-reaction on my part, its my response to individuals that are secure in their ignorance. People that are content not to learn, to be curious and inquisitive individuals. People that take their intelluct for granted.
I present to my audience, an exhibt of the evidence accumulated within a mere fourty-five minutes in his presence:
- asked me to come help him because his computer has no sound
- I search for signs of a problem with the sound card
- fifteen minutes go by
- I then show both palms outward while simultaneously shaking my head
- stepdad turns on speakers
- sound plays
- I begin to search for a sharp object to forcefully jam directly into his eyeball
kindly review what occured afterwards:
- stepdad rambles about downloading a program and encountering a virus
- blames me for not telling him that you can get viruses from things other than looking at porn
- I happily feed his delusion
- I assert that yes, looking at porn, particulary gay porn will likely result in a virus
- spend several minutes comparing computer viruses to actual STDs
- continues to search for Kazaalite to download
- stepdad rambles about how shitty the computer is
- mentions its my fault for not knowing that attempting to install a dvd burner would fry both his hard drive and the video card
- reminded him that he installed the dvd burner, ON HIS OWN
- reminded him that only professionals should attempt any hardware installation
- remindied him that porn = virus and that its difficult to tell which girl on his monitor has a virus and which doesn't
- Kazaalite gets installed, stepdad starts looking for polish music
- retells again, in an agonizingly slow-- you-heard-it-for-the-first-time -- monologue, the story of how he got a virus from a program he downloaded
- finishes retelling the virus story, and again relishes my presence with stories of how sucky his computer is and how I shouldn't be rolling my eyes whenever he asks for help.
- stepdad throws in a cheap shot about my using his dvd burner and that I "owe" him
- whilst I try and sneak out of the room, stepdad calls "The sound is gone! Come back!"
- realized just how helpless he really is
- I then investigate the simplest shit first
- showed step dad how to adjust the volume in windows media player by using the "slider"
- reminded him again, to actually read the stuff that is on the screen
- reminded that being able to use a computer is a learning process
- reminded again, that he's driving a car without knowing how to change the oil or use the shift
- reminded again, that learning comes from a genuine desire to understand the computer
- reminded again, that I know where he lives
- cheap shot I wished I could have used: "dont be so quick to call on me next time, try using one of the three brain cells you have left, first"
- slap the back of his head six times
- walk cooly away, like the Fonz
Is this not a definite case of severe and profound retardation? Uhm, I mean with my stepdad.
