(groans) what a week my blog, what a week.
Again, so much has happened that I can't possibly describe it all.
Let's start with the most important thing, no, not Fola, but work.
I got gassed at my job last Wednesday. I was up on top of a tower with my partner Bruce when I started to smell something funny. It wasn't funny to laugh at, but funny enough to scrunch my face and yell at Bruce to get down all the ladders to get away from the smell.
As we reached the halfway point, I look at Bruce and notice him checking out his gas monitor which was blinking a menacing red. I remember almost losing my grip on the way down due to how overwhelming it all smelled and how invasive it was to be caught in this gas, and here was my partner, dawdling looking at his monitor like he had all the time in the world to scrutinize it. Pissed me off.
We were then met at the same level by two other coworkers who also were feeling the effects of this gas and also had their monitors blinking red. Our only exit was the stairs, and Miles Copeland told us all not to go down there and that we should find another way out. We ended up scrambling around cable trays looking for another way down, eventually finding one and then crossing a three-foot gap from about fifty feet or more from the ground.
We got to the ground, no alarms were going off in the unit (and eventually the next unit over did have alarms going because of it) and gathered together with our coworkers, some of whom were spitting and nauseous. One of them (Ethel) actually became wobbly on her feet and nearly fell to the ground had it not been for people around her who saw what was happening.
We waited 20 minutes for the ambulance to arrive. I felt my chest was tight, the disgusting stench still in my nostrils and fatigue/headache setting in.
Eventually the ambulance arrives and took five of us to the hospital, where we were kept under observation and eventually discharged.
There's more detail to all of this, including the BS that went on with my being threatened with "severe repercussions" if I didn't come in, despite a doctor's note saying I shouldn't, but that is being logged elsewhere and is a story best left for another time.
I will get into what happened today at work.
Yesterday, I called in saying that I wasn't going to come in. I couldn't get much sleep and I slept through my alarm and I also didn't have my workboots, which were thrown away as "contaminated" by the hospital staff.
The shift supervisor, Barry, then told me to call Gerald the safety guy to repeat my reasons as to why I wasn't coming in. I was so fatigued and tired and mindful of how they threatened me to come in despite my note; that I didn't want any drama and decided not to call.
I then went to see the doctor at the walk-in clinic. He said I should be on light-duty. Fine. Called Gerald after this, and told him what happened. I didn't want any drama, so I told him I was taking a "personal" day rather than have to jump through the hoops of it being recorded as a lost-time incident. I just wanted my time off to recover and to get my boots and get a second opinion from the doctor, which by the way, the site physician told me to "take it easy" when I saw him on Thursday rather than make any recommendations or suggestions on what I should be doing to recover from the headaches and fever and chest pain, etc.
So, this morning had me in Gerald's office where I handed him my doctor's note for last week (which didn't matter), the light-duty form from the doctor yesterday and the receipts I had for the contaminated clothing I had to replace, which was at a total of $461.91. Crazy number, but Gerald didn't bat an eye at it.
Sat around for most of the morning while they figured out what to do with me. Learned from other people what the five of us (who were hospitalized) have been up to and feeling.
First off was Ethel and Lee. They were placed back into the Coker unit, unbelievably without protest, where an alarm went off and sent them into a panic. Refusing then not to work in that unit, which had them transferred to another crew. It also had Lee taking the day off early so he could see a psychologist.
Second in the day, was Miles. He complained about the stress and how scary it all was and how he had headaches and nausea over the weekend. But did he consult with his doctor or put his foot down and demand not to be placed back into the coker unit? No, he did not, and I was very disappointed when I found out his reasons why.
Turns out, he hates the idea of hand-outs. Of being coddled. He does not want to stay home and get money for nothing. Nor does he want to be on light-duty or thought of as "weak". I thought those were terrible reasons because this incident was the sole responsibility and fault of our employer and could have resulted in more severe consequences had we not evacuated the area in time.
I tried to get Miles to think about his health, mentally and physically and to consider getting it recorded by a family doctor. He looked depressed and closed-off and then told me that this incident was only "the tip of the iceberg" compared to everything else going on in his life at the moment. He felt that "routine" by working and forgetting everything, was the solution to his ills.
That's three of the five. The next was Danny Yim, he didn't show up today. I'm not sure what his story is.
Later on, I would talk to my partner Bruce, who not only got the details of our location wrong (platform 14 instead of 19), but like Miles, didn't want to report any injuries or trauma, despite also suffering from headaches and nausea over the weekend. Telling me that his wife and daughter were shocked by his story and that he now "knew" what to do differently in this situation. The non-chalance about his having to work again on the coker, made me a bit upset. Who the hell would want to go back there where alarms didn't go off, ambulance response time was long and over 50ppm of H2S was reported on one of our monitors? What kind of a dummy would brush that all off?
He then told me about how he once fell off a scaffold a fair distance and cut his wrist. He then didn't report it, despite there being no edge rails and being a clear violation of safety standards. He smiled as he told me how he climbed back on the ladder to continue what he was doing. Like he was showing the scaffold who's "boss".
Depressing. Depressing as hell. These people aren't self-aware enough to know that when their health has been jeopardized and their safety compromised due to negligance, or the disrespect of management to place them back at their jobs; they make the rest of us look bad. Like this incident wasn't a big deal. Exactly what management wants to play it as. But it was a big deal. A HUGE deal. So much so that in the safety meeting today, they glossed over the incident, saying it was under investigation and that they didn't want to give specifics because they didn't have any to give. It was bullshit. I knew it was and have already heard what went wrong. Stone-walling and stalling, until finally this guy at my table, Trevor, yelled out "you guys really fucked this up" to which we heard an "excuse me?" from a Suncor rep, and he replied, "you guys really fucked up. Big time." loudly.
I smiled inside. The Suncor rep nodded at him, and one guy jokingly gave him the new nickname of "Big Balls" Trevor. Joking that he was going to be the first to be laid off.
It's a terrible situation I'm in. They have me cutting bands in the shop for light duty. Two weeks of this. And likely by the end of it, I'll be laid off or close to being laid off. They've been talking about this for a while now.
And.. I don't know what's going to happen at the end. I do have these headaches, I don't feel them as much in the morning, but they build up over the day. The tightness in my chest, that is present with me too.
I really want to write a detailed report of all this garbage. I really do want Suncor to be held accountable. I don't feel safe working at a refinery anymore. Not when this is the way they look after our own safety. It used to be that every accident or incident is the fault of careless workers, who should have noted the "hazard" on their FLRA cards and put in controls to manage it.
Well, how the heck do we manage a computer malfunction that ended up causing a gas explosion? How do we manage for alarms that didn't go off? Emergency not being contacted immediately and an ambulance being sent right away?
How?
Anyways, blog. I'm now cutting bands with this old guy who loves to hunt. He's grumpy and... sighs.. I'm not looking forward to two weeks of this.
I hate this job. I dislike my career.
I need to move on to something else.
But... I have no means of doing so.
I'm on fumes... paycheque to paycheque.
I'm hurting.
And Fola.. well.. more knives in my chest with that one. She's in Nanaimo with her family this week and I'm looking after her sister's cat Guimo.
I'm... again... lied to. Mislead. She said we were going to go to BC this year. We didn't.
We were supposed to go to Cuba this year. We didn't.
Three months ago was, "we should take a big trip soon" we didn't, and she ended up going to Boston and then Vancouver a few short weeks later. One for "work" related reasons which was bullshit. The other, too, was her having to go to a Shaman group meeting, but had her enjoying the sites and sounds of being in a new place and seeing the ocean, etc.
All those lies and false promises.
Getting sick of it my blog.
Really getting sick of it.
Yesterday had her talking about how she couldn't wait to go to Norway with me. I couldn't share her enthusiasm. I am still not forgetting how she promised we would go on a trip as soon as she got her pension money. Which she did, and spent already. I still haven't forgotten how she said she wanted to plan a trip and it was going to be a surprise...
And, fuck man.. she's left the province three times without me this year. And she wants to go to Brazil in the fall.
I am such a sucker.
I am.
I keep wanting to believe in love.
Instead, I am forced to disbelieve in it. I cannot trust her. She does not keep her word.
I'm tired, blog. Just wanted to jot this all down before I go to sleep.
So tired.
Good night.
Love you.
May tomorrow be a better day.
And the future that much brighter.
