I suck.
And I don't have a sense of humility within me.
There's a block that exists within my mind, that makes me egotisical, arrogant, self-centered.
I'm sick of reading about how much I want to find true love.
I'm sick of reading the posts where I ramble on mindlessly like I know what I'm talking about.
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, or trying too hard to write something funny.
Sure, being a character can make for interesting stories, but this is not the kind of person I want to be.
It feels like I'm missing something. Something important about myself that I haven't yet realized or been made aware of. But everyone else understands it on some level that escapes my understanding.
Maybe I'm just dumb. Or maybe it's something else. Maybe I'm over confident. Cocky. Insincere.
Whatever it is, I don't like it.
Am I commenting on my true self, or am I becoming aware of a flaw that must be overcome?
One of the things that I think it might be, is that I don't stop to consider my words very well. I don't put too much thought into the things that I say. In some of my posts, I feel like I'm expressing high school humor. In others, I feel excessively melodramatic that it erodes whatever it is I'm writing about. Like, it's not as sincere when it's delivered in a "know-it-all" tone.
I agree with that. I think that's what it is.
I don't "think" enough. I need to.. tap into my essence more. Into my true feelings.
Something is being masked here. I'm certain of it. Some kind of deficiency.
Insecurity is probably what it is.
I'm insecure. Unsure.
So.. this would be a trust issue I'm dealing with.
One that involves myself. And what I'm capable of.
That makes sense.
I have to think about this some more...
I need to change.
