Faith in God

I am saddened and upset at the state of the world.

It's one thing to be seeing constant bad news about the decline of the Western empire every day all day and it is quite another to speak to people in person to find out how their lives are affected.

It's not looking good. Jobs are hard to come by, people are losing their homes, the lady that I talk to at the smoke shop is moving to B.C. to start a new career driving trucks, leaving everything she owns behind.

I see the older people in my community. The 70 and 80 year olds and... I fear for them. Health care services are overwhelmed, waiting times are unreasonably long with one man telling me how he had to wait 8 hours to be looked at and then hours more after for treatment.

Articles on the web about emergency clinics in Ontario closing early due to staffing shortages. An article about 4 doctors in Ontario dying in the same week after taking the 4th covid jab.

Economic collapse. Jobs being cut. Interest rates going up and making homes affordable and hurting those like myself with even high debt to repay.

Talks of a polar shift, talks of an impending ice age, talks of civil war, rationing, digital ID, CBDC...

Stolen elections. A video of Biden giving two speeches in one day with one of the speeches where he looks like a different person, leading many to speculate that it is a deep fake or a man wearing a mask.

Massive flooding in various places, earthquakes, droughts, food processing plants being destroyed, nitrogen shipment on trains being derailed, Germany not having enough natural gas to last the winter...

It goes on and on.

Trudeau bans handguns. Cuts nitrogen/fertilizer use by 30% making it more expensive for farmers to grow food and more expensive for us to buy it. Monkeypox. Fires in Spain. Riots and protesting in Panama, Italy, France, The Netherlands. Blackouts in Cuba. Energy rationing in Germany. Citizens need a cell phone to purchase rationed gas in Sri Lanka. Iran forces it's citizens to a digital id to buy food...

I can't even keep up with the amount of information coming out each day enough to remember each single one.

It's... well, it looks like what it is.

The apocalypse.

Or, the "great unveiling" where Truth is known and we all get to see the ugly Truth of the world we live in. Governed by corrupt officials who say and do things aimed at hurting the people they are supposed to represent the best interests of.

Let's be realistic, they are not representing or fighting for our best interests.

False flags everywhere.

Censorship everywhere. Some of what I said is reported in the mainstream news but most of it is not.

There's a reason for that, they don't want us to know. Bill C-11 is going to make getting information difficult and possibly inaccessible for Canadians so that if a nuclear bomb drops somewhere in the world, if the Canadian government does not want us to know about it, we won't. Is there a protest? We may not get to know about it, thanks to...

The evil in this world.

New York Times and CNN are both promoting cannibalism. Young children are forced to get injected with an experimental substance, pedophilia is being normalized, transgenderism is being normalised, unchecked illegal immigration is destroying our cultural identity and so on and forth.

I'm so tired of it all. So tired that I don't have much interest in typing about it. So much to absorb, so much to worry about, so much helplessness as I watch the world burn and lose it's soul in the process.

I'm tired, God.

And...

Yeah.

I'm tired.

Two-Knee Tuesday

Looks like I am writing another post on the same day. Strange how I neglected this blog for so long and now I am rapidly coming back to it.

My gut tells me that if I cannot make much of a difference in the world, I can at least put my thoughts and experiences to paper and sort myself out.

Maybe down the line someone will read all this and understand who I am and what I've gone through.

I don't think it is sympathy I am hoping for because it is never gratifying to be looked upon with pity. It is gratifying to be looked upon with respect and appreciation.

But I have not been able to earn those two things.

Well, perhaps appreciation in the small ways I seem to impact certain people's lives.

A few weeks ago a man named Michael called over to me from his car in the park where we were both sitting. 

"Hey, how's it going?" he shouted from twenty feet away outside a rolled-down window.

And... I responded without much interest or care because I remember not feeling social or if I was, I wasn't confident in my ability to engage with someone without presenting myself as a social misfit.

But something happened. A small dog named Dina popped it's head out the window and looked at me.

That did the trick. 

"Is that your dog?" I asked, feeling my mood brighten. 

And that was when I felt my soul lift itself up to go over and pet this cute little chihuaha which prompted a conversation with the man who later introduced himself as Michael.

He had an interesting life. Was handicapped and we had a good nostalgic conversation about the times he lived through, being that he was in his late 60s/early 70s.

I really enjoyed talking with him. We ran into each other a 2nd time about a week later and he kindly offered me a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken which I declined because my appetite has gone to shit and I seem to have developed an aversion to heavily processed and fried foods.

But I helped him clear all of the takeout bags from his vehicle when he invited me to sit with him. He seemed extremely grateful for this small gesture of mine that I thought very little of.

And... It's strange how that works. How someone appreciates you for a gesture that you paid little thought towards.

Those small gestures make a big difference in people's lives.

And with that said...

Sighs.

The realtor lady came by to take pictures of the house and to officially list it on MLS starting tomorrow. She was impressed with the work I've done with the place and...

Well.. she was kind of... detached. In a personality/emotional type of way. I can't quite describe it but it felt like I was interacting with a person mimicking a human being.

Oddly enough, she was a former newscaster on a local TV station for many years that I did not recognize but my mother did. Andrea Engel of Global News.

Yet both times I've met her, I couldn't help but think that there was something quite off about her. Today she showed up with what looked like a herpes sore on her bottom right lip. Not that it particularly matters but it did make me wonder a little about her personal life. 

I told my mother the first time we met her that I suspected her of being on drugs. Meth or cocaine... I'm not sure as I haven't done either of those, but she was overly-energetic, somewhat jittery and detached as I mentioned, in an engaging sort of way.

Like a caricature of sorts.

I don't want to judge people but it is what I observed. 

She was nice as she toured my house, complimented many things, placed a sign on my front lawn and left after photos were taken.

Sighs... I can feel my mind struggling to keep typing. I don't know why that is. Some type of resistance.

I feel like I have a lot to say but not much interest in saying it. 

Two years of being unemployed throughout this plandemic has affected me. Every bit of news I read, podcast I listen to or video that I watch all have to do with lies and corruption. Hardly any of it is good, but I would rather be informed than to be kept ignorant.

And perhaps that is a large part of why I am struggling right now trying to find meaning and hope for the future.

Viktor Frankl in his memoir "Man's Search For Meaning" was an incredible book I had read many years ago that described what he went through as a concentration camp survivor. When there was no hope to be found, he still held onto it and the entire book can be summed up by a single sentence as to how this was done.

"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

Anyone who has a strong enough reason to live can endure just about anything. In Viktor's case, his reason for living was to someday be reunited with his wife and after several years, this did happen.

However, Viktor also survived because he was a doctor and did not suffer as much as his peers in the same camp. His skill set aided in improving the chances of his survival.

That, and his having a wife to dream about and look forward to seeing again.

I don't have a why to live for and I am having difficulty imagining what I could come up with that will allow me to bear almost any "how" as Frankl has done.

What reason do I have to exist? Did I come onto this planet to eat, shit and die? Will this be the legacy I leave behind? That I made some people happy, other people angry and... I had a few mystical experiences in life that hardly anyone knows about because I would sound completely crazy if I described it to them?

I tried confiding in a woman named Natasha in a Telegram group for anti-vaxxers/no-mask mandates after a few weeks of conversation. She didn't reply to my saying that I thought I was Jesus or that I felt the spirit of Christ within me at 8 year intervals, 3 times in my life.

And she was religious. She was quoting Bible passages to me prior to my deciding to tell her a little about my experiences.

No response, and it's been over a week. Telegram has marked the message as "read" so I know it was seen.

I'm tired... I don't have a tribe that I fit into. I don't have a vocation that makes me valuable. I do not have a wife or a girlfriend to look forward to seeing. No kids, no job and soon no money.

What is there for me to look forward to in this world when it all seems to be falling apart?

I listed to David Whitehead earlier of the Truth Seeker podcast and I greatly enjoyed his take on how mental health can be preserved and the importance of having faith.

But... He's blessed for being a good talker and an attractive, athletic man who is highly intelligent and aware with a wife and kids that seem to love him.

I am not a good talker, I don't know if I'm particularly attractive and I do not have a girlfriend or kids.

I still do not have a "why" to bear almost any "how".

David in his podcast suggested that if someone did not have a mission or direction in life, then that it what their mission becomes. To find a mission and goal to aim towards.

Easier said than done, David.

I have tried finding my mission in life. I thought I would be a writer. Wrote hundreds of pages of stuff and nothing really worth publishing. 

Besides, who reads books these days anyways?

Is it possible for me to earn a living writing? Certainly, but as a fiction writer I would have to publish book after book and market them accordingly and...

It's like hoping for a lottery ticket to pay off. All that work and effort and a less than 0.0003% chance of winning the grand prize.

Or any prize really.

I can't say that I didn't try, but when my ex-girlfriends didn't express all that much interest or enthusiasm towards my work, I felt like it wasn't worth pushing forward with.

Why write to the ether if nobody truly cares about the things that I say.

Except as this blog is now made public, perhaps someone will stumble upon these words and...

Be entertained by them? What else would they be.

And then what?

I wrote on Medium for a year or so and that didn't bear much fruit either. Wrote some pretty good stuff on there I thought, but little engagement and a low number of subscribers.

When my ex Fola has 200+ subscribers and barely writes anything at all, it's quite demoralizing to see her sub count against my double-digits.

She didn't even have to try to get those subscribers and I'm certain that many of them are bots or from Facebook friends and people that she works with.

I have no interest in struggling to get eyeballs onto my work. That would be as difficult as writing itself and I wouldn't have the time or the willingness to spam my writings all over the internet in the hopes of getting people interested.

I believe that "if you build it, they will come" and for all the hard work and effort I put into my writing over the years, hardly anyone has come.

So why should I bother being excited about becoming a writer? Can't earn a living with it. Can't get enough people interested in reading.

But it is a form of therapy for me. It can be, not always, but sometimes makes me feel better for having laid my thoughts out in a way that I can crystallize and understand in more detail.

And preserve... for whomever comes across these words in the future.

Maybe my writing makes a meaningful difference, maybe it will make a difference down the line. I don't know... I don't really care and that complacency I feel towards the craft has reduced my ability to really make these words shine because I'm not caring enough about what it is I'm saying or how I am saying it.

Because this is not for others to see, only for myself.

Others are welcomed but not expected.

And this reminds me of my youth and the effects of having emotionally-neutered/distant parents growing up.

I thirst for the approval and love of others. I want people to value me. To sincerely appreciate the gifts that I share with them of my thoughts in detail enough so that they are entertaining, engaging and courageously vulnerable. If that makes any sense.

My eyes feel tired at the moment, like I am trying to stay awake. Too tired to pause long enough to find the "right" words and I'm typing off the top of my mind. Not caring about how this all looks.

I keep thinking, though.

What am I meant to be doing here? What was it that I am supposed to learn? 

And can I exist in this world without fear of being homeless and never being able to get a job or to rent or buy a home once I declare bankruptcy and give up most of my material possessions, including my vehicle and maybe phone and laptop?

Where's the light at this end of this tunnel? What dream could I aspire towards that will put fuel in my tank and a spring in my step?

What is my "why" so that I can bear almost any "how" ?

I would like to know what it is.

I prayed twice today... Asking both times to be shown what my path is to be.

And I plan on bringing it up again when I go to sleep.

Why am I here? What is the point of not getting a jab if I do not expect myself to live for much longer?

I am not kidding when I think that I might starve to death, or die in some premature way.

Because... if that is what the outcome will be, then my life...

Has not been lived as well as I would've liked it to be.

I have a mother who is unable to engage with me on an intellectual or spiritual level. Emotions seems to be all that she knows. The spectrum of discourse between us is a sadly narrow one. She has no greater thoughts or considered opinions on anything important.

I don't want to judge her, but this is my observation. As much as I appreciate her helping me to live in this house, I can't help but feel like she enjoys watching me fail. I don't know why that is but... I feel it. Especially when she perked up in thinking that she would be the "boss" over me should I move in with her.

"I'll be the boss!" she smiled, as this subject was discussed between us.  

It is difficult having a mother who feels like a weight rather than an asset.

As I'm sure she is to say the same of me. Having been unemployed and without a relationship for about two years now. 

Without any source of happiness, either. I don't feel happy listening to conspiracy podcasts and others that are in relation to what is going on in the world today. Truthfully with no BS. Uncensored and uncompromised.

It feels like this is all theater and I am watching a horror film play itself out. Everyone on the planet gets jabbed by an experimental concoction that was rushed through FDA trials and has a list of over 1,500 adverse side effects including "death".

As if Justin Bieber's facial paralysis and his wife having had a stroke isn't evidence enough of how horrific of a movie we've all found ourselves watching and playing a part of.

There will come a time when my mother will pass away and with that, leave me all alone in this world. 

My half-sisters rejected me, despite how badly I wanted to develop a relationship with them.

My cousins are off doing their own things. Having rejected me, despite us having wonderful times together in our childhood.

I don't have a rapport going with any of my aunts or uncles. Some of whom I haven't talked to in years and neither has my mother.

I am already alone and isolated.

I do not have a "why" to bear almost any "how".

But... for the grace of God Himself... who appears to be silent in my greatest time of need.

I don't know what else to say... to look forward to... 

To feel comforted by...

Just having a girlfriend who is sincere and appreciative would help. But who would want to date someone like me? At this age of 44 looking down the barrel of a gun that the World Economic Forum is slowly squeezing the trigger of.

It is not just about me. It's everyone who is being affected by this.

Well...

Everyone except the willfully ignorant... Who aren't reading articles or paying attention to the roll out of a dystopian future planned for the enslavement of humanity.

It's so much like a movie it's ridiculous. Klaus Schwab... the villain... Bill Gates...

Sighs.

Such a parody... and maybe this is really what it is.

Just a show.

But as curious as I am about the ending, I don't feel like I will be able to make it far enough down the path to be able to see how it all unfolds.

And whether or not a miracle will somehow present itself to reverse the damage that such corruption and lies has wrought upon us. The betrayal of our institutions and the destruction of our old way of life.

Everything is going to shit. Music, movies, books, television shows, comedy, politics, health care....

Everything.

This truly is the apocalypse and I am at a loss for what I should do.

Other than to continue cleaning out my home which feels like a constant, never-ending battle.

So much stuff... I stand guilty of the crime of materialism without ever realizing it... And it's not even really materialism, but... knowledge and beauty and truth and wisdom that I appreciate seeing in physical forms. Whether it is a statue or a book or a song. 

I appreciate the heart of humanity inherent in each of these things. The soul behind the written words, the sculptor, the voice that sings, the creativity and skill of a film director and writer.

I appreciate all of the good and beautiful things that represent Truth in this world and resonance with creation.

Should that be a crime, I stand guilty.

But that is now coming to an end.

As I get my house in order and hope for it to sell.

Lord help me on this quest and may the God inside of myself find courage and reason to once again emerge from it's hidden burrow.

And point me to where I need to go.

Point me to where I can be used best.

Point me home.

I'm tired... can barely keep my eyes awake.

I am soon to call it a night.

Time for bed and hope for blessings.

A new day tomorrow is soon to be born.

And perhaps opportunity and blessings shall come.

Amen.

The New Abnormal

 As I write this, a video talking about how water wells are going to be regulated is playing in the background. Anyone with a private well is going to have to report their existence and the quantity of water being drawn so that it can be taxed and regulated in the state of California.

Earlier today I read about how the WEF wants to ban private ownership of vehicles so as to get those from the rural areas into the cities. This would sound absurd if I didn't already know that in Sri Lanka, gas is being rationed through a cell-phone app. It is no small leap to see that this could and likely will happen here at some point.

Pope Francis is in Alberta right now. Doesn't seem like much public interest in his arrival. The head chief of one of the tribes refused to acknowledge our great crime minister by walking straight past him as he partook in a truth and reconciliation meeting/ceremony of sorts. As he should.

And my hearing-aid practitioner knew a surprisingly amount of the details that I shared with her regarding what is happening and where I see everything going. No digital ID, no health-care, no gas, no place to live, no job.

To top it all off, my mother will not listen to reason. She is not persuaded by common-sense, logic or facts no matter what I tell her. Home prices are dropping, interest rates are rising, there are close to 200 properties for sale in the Fort Saskatchewan area with listings having been up for a two months or more. She will not lower the price to a reasonable level, telling me "not to worry" when I describe how serious the situation can be if we do not sell this place by the winter. Because who is going to be shopping for a new home in the wintertime?

I am... reaching the point of not caring anymore. I'm going to be filing for bankruptcy which means that my mother will have to pay the utilities on a meager income. Trying to tell her about how important it is that we sell this before the winter has no effect on her. This is the same woman that argued with me at the bank about wanting a variable interest rate mortgage for a 3 year term rather than going with a fixed 5 year at less than 2%.

I can't persuade her. She will not listen to me. She shuts down my concerns with "I don't want to talk about it" or changing the subject by saying "are those new socks you're wearing?"

Ridiculous. She is setting us up both to fail and only I seem to know it. But I am powerless. I cannot change her mind and she is not learning from how it has taken her over a year to sell her home because she priced it too high, despite both myself and two other realtors insisting it needs to come down in price.

Which it did, from $315,000 to the final sell price of $288k because she kept dropping the price three times.

And still, she refuses to learn from all that. This place is priced at $305k when it really is worth about $296k.

I can't wait around a year for this place to sell. Not when they are likely to raise interest rates even further and housing prices are collasping all over the country.

She is taking us to hell in a handbasket but who knows... maybe it will sell before November. Before the winter.

I don't know what to say anymore. My mother has never been an intelligent, thoughtful woman. She does not plan ahead. She does not look ahead, she does not keep herself informed or consider the facts.

Just tells me "don't worry" each time I bring up my concerns. Shuts me down every time.

Well, I am worried and I do not see a good future for either of us. She once phoned to tell me about how she was doing a lot of "thinking" and wants to move in. Changed her mind a week later.

And I am still fucking stressed but at the point where I really don't care anymore. I can't fight this. There is no point in ripping my hair out and screaming at the sky over things that I cannot control or being given a voice to speak towards. She will not let me have my voice. She will not listen to reason.

And this is where I'm... sad to admit that our lives are not going to end well with all of this garbage happening. Should we sell the house before November, I will be jubilant, but if I am filing for bankruptcy, I will be completely dependent on her. I may not even have a vehicle.

Or a place to put any of my stuff. 

And... a happy outcome is difficult for me to imagine throughout any of this. I can follow scenarios and possibilities and predict some things into the future with the information that I have been studying and learning about. Are interest rates likely to increase between now and November? Quite likely. Will home prices be even harder to afford? Absolutely.

But try telling my mother any of that. Instead, she'll say "are those new socks?" rather than take anything of what I say seriously.

This kind of disrespect and ignorance is... going to bury me. I can't imagine living with her for a prolonged period of time. This is a woman that changes her mind by the minute and makes decisions by the seat of her pants without any due consideration or deliberation.

I could be a banking expert or financial planner and it would make no difference. She does not respect my opinion, she is not swayed by facts.

And so it must be that we will be heading towards... well, something.

And... I honestly feel like leaving all this behind to go into the woods, set up a tent and take my chances out there because I at least can live with some measure of dignity for myself and preserve my mental health from someone who clearly has trouble managing her own.

This... is not the life that I expected to have. I have made mistakes, I have taken chances with my money and reached $200,000 in investments at one point but did not cash it in because I had a "feeling" that I could wait one more day before doing so. Instead, I didn't, despite the sincere gratitude I expressed towards the universe for having reached such a milestone. I did my best to listen to my heart and mind and faith and...

Here I am. On the verge of financial ruin. Stuck with a house filled with stuff that I am going to have difficulty removing and unlikely to keep should I declare bankruptcy and be forced to live with her.

All I'm glad is that my name is not on the title of this. But maybe, if it was, I could price the house accordingly so that it will sell quicker.

But that is not how it is.

I have a hard time respecting my mother for any of all this and it is no secret that she does not respect me. We have a pretend relationship. She hasn't respected me in a long time. If ever. No matter what I did or didn't do.

I wish I could talk to her like a normal human being. To appeal to her intelligence, to common sense, but... that is not the type of woman she is. She is content to spend her day watching game shows on TV, the Bachelor, 90 Day Fiance and... remaining oblivious to the crisis that looms before us. 

Telling me not to "worry" and changing the subject whenever it gets uncomfortable for her. 

Because she will not respond to facts. 

No matter what I say.

Perhaps her mind will change a few months into this. Maybe she will realize that I am right at some point and that the house should be priced lower. I live here, I know what I see and experience and can ascertain the value of something that I myself would be willing to pay for. 

And if I know her, her mind will start to change in a few months. But by then, it might be too late.

Who is going to move here in the winter? Who can afford a place like this?

Then again, a lot of people are moving here from other provinces. Perhaps they sold their homes in Ontario, BC and other such places to be able to afford one here.

I hope that this will be the case.

And that there are buyers out there, looking, even though I myself would prefer to wait it out for prices to drop further. Had it been me looking for a new home.

But maybe a miracle will happen. 

We will have to see.

There is so much stress in me right now. So much that I am growing numb as a response to it. Not feeling much. Not hoping for much. Not seeing a path to happiness knowing what I know now.

Maybe they will roll out emergency cheques or a universal basic income. If they lock us down again over Monkeypox or some other type of emergency, I'm not sure many Albertans will be able to survive the carnage that will result.

Especially over a cold winter.

Try being homeless in -40c weather.

And the numbers are growing by the day. I can see people on the street with humorless, tightly-drawn faces. No longer expressing the easy smiles and light in their eyes like they used to.

There are still people driving around, alone in their cars, with a mask on.

Walking outside even. 

In the end, I know that I would rather starve to death in the bush than to be controlled and enslaved by such corruption and immorality. Consenting to the new system is a quiet endorsement of the chaos that a small group of people have inflicted upon the world. 

If you can even call such psychopaths, "people".

In my mind, the image of a shirtless, smirking Elon Musk on the beach pops up. I'd never seen his upper body before but it reminded me so much of the same shape that Bill Gates has.

It's this unnatural, barrel-looking chest and stomach that looks extremely unhealthy and out of proportion.

I have heard many theories claiming that such figures are evil entities in disguise. Lizard people, basically, as crazy as it sounds but with what has been happening over the past few years, these type of theories have a way of proving themselves to be true.

All the crisis that is happening has been manufactured and planned long ago in advance.

The End Game as Alex Jones would call it.

The end of human freedom, dignity and critical thought.

I have moved past being worried sick about this but there are times when it hits me like a wave. 

And all I can think is that should I die prematurely, I do not think I can say that I have accomplished much with my life.

How would I report myself to be? How can I explain the way I behaved during my time on this planet?

I think about the past times when I truly felt myself to be filled with the spirit of a higher, more evolved form of consciousness and I genuinely felt as if I was Jesus himself in some of these moments. The best and worst of times.

I still pray every night... and in the end I know that death is not something to fear.

What I do fear is having wasted my life with little to show for it.

What I fear is being forced to become a rat on a treadmill going nowhere in life because all avenues towards happiness has been closed off.

You can't even find a woman on a dating app these days who is worthy of being called wife material, and that is assuming they would find me attractive enough to want to be with. A man with no employment, soon to be bankrupt, soon to live with his mother.

I showed mom some of the women that shows up in OkCupid as I swiped left through dozens who were extremely overweight, with dead lifeless eyes and a few posting pictures of themselves with masks on, as if they were somehow doing a good and virtuous service for the rest of us. 

They wear their ignorance with pride. They cannot see what is coming either.

Or how they have all been conned by this nonsense.

It is so easy for me to give up on humanity and I almost feel like I am at that point.

Perhaps I am there already but do not have the courage to admit it.

And should I admit it, I would also be admitting that there is no hope for us.

Not for me in starting a family, finding work that I enjoy doing and living life to the fullest.

Because the WEF is bending us to their whims. Turning us into slaves.

And closing off the exit as they watch from afar with amusement, hoping we will be at each other's throats.

As I drove around the northside of Edmonton spotting suspicious characters left and right and seeing a lone, solitary man walking far outside of the city going to who knows where -- I wonder how bad crime will become. If inflation continues, rent increases, taxes go up, insurance goes up, food prices go up...

Well... we're all going to go down and become a 3rd world nation like Cuba.

I've already been seeing a numerous amount of vehicles in poor condition on the streets., Windows covered with cardboard because the glass has been shattered and the owner unlikely able to afford a replacement. People driving around on the spare tire because, as I found out a few days ago, the cost of a tire has become prohibitively expensive for people to buy.

Imagine if someone slashed all four of your tires one day. The cost to replace them will be close to $2,000. 

Who is going to be able to afford $2,000 these days?

My mother complained about the cost of her car insurance and said she signed for a "one-way" plan where if something happens to her or her vehicle, compensation will not be awarded.

It's fucked up.

So fucking fucked up.

I found out from her today that people in Cuba cannot find beer for themselves. They no longer sell it in the stores (although rum is still available). And the resort employee she knows is saying that there was only 1 tourist on the beach for him to serve.

One tourist. 

Let that sink in for a moment. 

How is anyone able to earn a living wage for themselves?

What hope do they cling to?

What do they tell themselves so that they can sleep at night.

What do they tell their children when they cannot afford basic necessities?

When there is no future for them?

Should prophecy play out, the rise of the "anti-Christ" is likely to emerge with a solution.

Perhaps this is what will happen. A wiping out of debt and a universal basic income implemented.

But only if we use the app. 

And likely only if we've had our inoculations and have a high social credit score as a result of our obedience and not questioning the corruption behind our government and institutions.

There is going to be a lot of poverty. A lot of death. People will die in Germany from the cold because they cannot afford the fuel needed to heat their homes.

Assuming they even have a home.

So fucked up is this world.

I do not want to die knowing that I did little to help undo it. I feel responsible for the welfare of others more so than my own at times.

My mother pointed this out to me earlier as well.

"Worry about yourself! Don't care so much about other people!"

Maybe she's right, but still... 

I do care about other people.

I want us to get out from under this mess.

And yet I do not know how this can be.

I supposed we will have to wait.

And react to what comes next.

Just like animals being lead to the slaughterhouse, we each have to wait our turn before our eyes open wide enough to see what is being done ahead in the line.

It's not looking good.

God help us.

For the Truth must set us free.

There is nothing else that matters more in this spiritual battle we found ourselves in.

No weapon more potent.

And yet...

Yet...

We still march ourselves to the slaughter.

Out of fear.

The lowest level of faith.

Should I die without having achieved anything of merit, I will give voice to my helplessness and inability to be guided in the correct direction.

I will give voice to my heart, and reveal that good intentions were buried all along.

I will speak of my faith and loyalty and the events in my life that solidified them.

I will.

I will.

Endure for as long as I can.

In the New Abnormal.

A House of LIes

 I am sitting on my couch, listening to the whir of the refrigerator as well as the constant humming and throbbing of my neighbor's central air fan that is pointed at the side of my house and I am...

Weeping for myself and the world.

I'm going to go bankrupt. The house I live in belongs to my mother and she does not want to price it at a level where it could sell quickly. Similar duplexes in the area have been on the market for more than 2 months. The realtor is coming by Tuesday morning to take photographs and I am stressed.

I am so fucking stressed.

And I have no one to talk to. Not a soul.

Not one person anywhere in the world.

Except for God. 

And lately it feels that God has not been listening.

At the park earlier today as I escaped the constant cleaning and rearranging of furniture and... deciding what items I need to donate and what items to keep and... my mind just... paused at one point while I was sitting on a bench looking at the North Saskatchewan river flowing by.

I tried to release my thoughts from worry, to get off my phone from which I spend most of the day either reading depressing news or listening to podcasts that discuss depressing news but... 

It's so hard sometimes. Especially when I remember the world before 2020.

My childhood was memorable but... the things that I loved about it all seem to have gone away.

The cartoons, the movies, the music, the books, the television shows... What is being produced right now is nothing like it was. Nothing really inspires, teaches or presents itself with good and moral intentions. Sesame Street has Elmo pushing for little kids to get jabbed by a medical concoction that has been hurting and killing people all around the world. Many movies are dark, includes graphic sex and horrific scenes of violence and dehumanization. Popular music grinds down the soul by promoting money, drugs, sex and hedonism in subtle ways -- normalizing degradation of women and men, bringing humanity down to the level of a primitive beast.

These are the end times. The population is deliberately being reduced. While I could not believe that this was happening in the last year of 2021 and thought that humanity would find a way to "defeat" those that are responsible for all this, I am now believing that the resurgence of Nazi Germany is being deployed upon us on a global scale.

Everyone who did not get the vaccine is a "Jew" with the only difference being is that we don't have to wear yellow stars to signify and publicly display our religious beliefs. We now have smartphones with centralized health data that already knows who is and who isn't vaccinated. Who does and who does not support the covid lie that has been perpetuated on us.

World War 3 is now here and sometimes it is surreal enough for me to feel like I am watching a movie, not really participating in what is going on.

But as I sat there on the park bench listening to the crows squawk nearby, I realized that participation makes no difference. I am affected nonetheless just like many others will soon be if they are not already.

Only the Amish and those with resources enough to be able to live in the country in a self-sufficent way off-grid are able to insulate themselves from the takeover of the human race.

One of my considerations in the last year was deciding on a place to build a new life with and Cuba emerged as an immediate thought. As ludicrous as it sounds now, I thought that a third world country was vastly preferable to the tyranny being inflicted upon us in Canada.

A few days ago I watched a video and it seems that Cubans are experiencing a country-wide blackout of power and electricity. 

I thought about Nicaragua, Mexico, Poland... they all have their own unique set of challenges. I do not know enough Spanish or Polish to be able to function in a new country and should I be travelling by myself, it would be made ever the more harder to deal with to the point that I don't think a decision like this would end well. I likely would be robbed or taken advantage of and the new life I hoped for would not include a happy ending being a foreigner in a strange land.

It doesn't matter how much money I have or where I would go, every place is affected by this or soon will be.

Riots are occurring in Sri Lanka, Italy, the Netherlands, Ecuador, parts of Africa and with inflation growing worse and worse, the European Union, Canada, USA and other countries are unlikely to be spared the effect of this global extermination of the human race and the control centralized powers wish to exert over us.

I take it back, if I did have unlimited funds, I would move out into the bush and set up a homestead but... let's be honest, I wouldn't enjoy my time there alone. I would lose my mind.

People need people to be around with. To laugh and cry and make love to and have babies and grow spiritually, professionally, emotionally...

We are a social creature and cannot hope to isolate ourselves without experiencing a strain on our mental health. There would be no reason to live, nothing to hope for, should a single man like myself move into the woods and ignore the world for however long he can.

I am so alone. No one to talk to about any of this. My mother and I can only engage on a shallow and narrow spectrum of discussion because she refuses to see what I see. To hear my concerns and address them with any kind of insight that offers actionable value because... she does not have all the information that I have. She does not see what is happening and refuses to believe that it is.

When I told her that I might not be able to ever work due to needing a vaccination, her response was:

"Well then you'll have to get vaccinated!"

My God... those wicked people in power. Planning this for years. I don't think it is even Klaus Schwab and the WEF who is behind all this, no, that group is a front for more powerful influences that value anonymity and pull the strings of politicians the world over using money as bait and coercion as threat.

I cannot see a way for us out of this. Once digitial IDs and rationing happens, all in the name of "science" and "climate change", we are done. Finished. There will not even be a way to purchase fuel for our vehicles should our digital ID/passport/social credit denies us the right to do so for whatever reason of non-compliance or resistance that we offer.

Such dark times we are in. It is so hard to find hope in a world like this. It would take an unexpected miracle to pull off.

And perhaps that is what we are to expect next. 

But, as with everything else, even a miracle can be manipulated should the mainstream media decide not to report upon it.

How would we know, if Canadians will have their internet soon restricted and controlled by the passing of Bill C-11 that anything in the world reported upon is true? A miracle would have to escape the control mechanism that has infiltrated all of our institutions, government bodies and... 

I could go on and on about how hopeless it looks. What happens if we cannot get the truth? If the internet is restricted or censored? If a nuclear bomb went off in New York and the powers that be decide against it being reported, would we ever get to know?

If a resistance movement is successful in a certain part of the world, will we get to know?

If a terrible crime is committed or the rate of suicide dramatically increases, will we be given the facts? Can we trust the numbers presented to us as truth? Do the powers that be have ability and capability to be able to shut out this kind of information?

It seems like they do. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit... there are no safe havens online for men like me to freely converse upon without the feeling that all of my words are being recorded and scrutinized for key triggers that will prompt a human review, which will then label me in a certain way so that I may never be able to get employment, a house, a girlfriend, medical assistance, a rental property, food and so on.

If everything goes digital, we are DONE.

And it is the direction we are headed towards. Total surveillance through our smart phones and total control by artificial intelligence and algorithms.

There will come a time when we may not be able to investigate the truth for ourselves and instead are expected to accept a narrative and explanation provided for us by unelected figures of "authority".

Such darkness. Such madness and evil on this planet.

I have been reading up on all of this for over two years. Spending hours each day looking at the screen in my hands, realizing that any kind of dependency is a means of control and we are all being controlled whether we like it or not.

Not a single one of us can manufacture a car from scratch. Not a single one of us can refine and produce fuel outside of government control and regulation. 

And if that becomes controlled and payment is in digital dollars which can be tracked and allocated only to those who obey the "rules"; this then means no heat, no travel, no power.

No living.

Unless we are given permission to do any of the things we desire to do.

This is... the greatest evil perpetuated upon humanity since the beginning of our existence.

And... there is much that I felt guilty and shameful about as I sat on the park bench. The way I lived and loved was not how I wanted it to be. 

All those years of my life being enamored by technology, by media... books and songs and stories...

It's all coming down like the towers on 9/11.

And the majority of people do not appear to have critical thought enough to realize that something doesn't smell right or the foresight to see where this is all going.

Not only is humanity being threatened, coerced and controlled by deviant psychopaths who want to erase our cultural, national and gender identities, but many of us have unwittingly assisted these monsters in building the prison walls that are forming around our souls.

Because let's face it, most everything is controlled by technology these days and when technology restricts or bans certain undesirables from using it; it wields the power of life and death. Over our means to get a job, to pursue a meaningful career, to find a lover, a spouse, to have children and raise them to feel optimistic and excited about the future... It's all connected to technology at some level and such technology is being controlled in the hands of a very tiny few.

I weep for this world, as I stuff a handful of chocolate almonds into my mouth, knowing well that these candies may no longer exist at a certain time in the future or become prohibitively expensive to buy.

All I can do is let the numbness take over and try not to deny myself some of the things that I enjoy consuming.

There is no future for us here. Even the most obedient among us will revolt at some point, realizing that such a system of control is unnatural and avenues to realize one's happiness will come at a hefty price.

There are 36 "smart" cities planned by the World Economic Forum and the only one in Canada will be Toronto.

The rest of this country will be taken to their knees. By way of vaccine injuries, civil war, poverty, homelessness or all and many combinations of the above.

I feel so tired writing about all this. There is no hope for us.

No hope but a miracle.

Please God, should you be good and merciful.

Hear the cries among us who knows the truth.

We must be delivered from this evil.

We must.

For then there shall be no reason or way for us to live.

There will be no hope.

Humanity will be finished.

I feel like this is the last "normal" summer of our lives.

I...

...I 

I have no words left in these fingers of mine.

My eyes are tired, my heart weary, my mind blank.

...

and still.. I know I went through this life with the best of intentions.

Even if I didn't accomplish much.

I am grateful for the good times that I had.

But I hate how we've all become.

I loathe those who refuse to think, to question, to examine.

Those that do not desire truth will be fed a dish of lies.

Until they realize themselves of an empty stomach, hungry once more.

For something better.

...

I am tired.

I feel soulless.

Heavy.

I don't know how to conclude this post.

It is dark outside. Cloudy skies. Noisy traffic going by.

It is what it is.

A Concrete Block On My Back

 There are no monkeys on anyone's backs now. It's concrete. Heavy concrete blocks that are weighing each of us Truth tellers down.

 Because what is happening right now in this country and in most parts of the world is a heavy and horrific burden to bear.

Today as I sat by the North Saskatchewan river feeling the sun against my skin, my mind welcomed the brief recess I'd given towards consuming news articles, videos and podcasts on my phone.

My thoughts wandered and turned to thinking about the precipice that humanity as found itself upon.

We are living in dangerous times. All institutions of value and influence has been compromised, captured or otherwise taken out of commission.

Social media is an unreliable source of news, censorship abounds, Steve Bannon was found guilty of contempt towards congress for his refusal to become a political pawn.

And yet, he has become one. Two years in jail is the maximum sentence with sentencing scheduled to happen in October.

Tamara Lich continues to languish in jail. Yet oddly enough, Artur Pavlovsky the Canadian preacher who went viral for yelling at the "gestapo" (Alberta Health Services) to leave church services that they have intruded upon.

And the people who were escorted into the capital building on Jan 6th are still in jail a year and a half later.

It has become beyond obvious at this point. Corruption in government, in health care, in media and corporations has reached levels that appear to be beyond repair.

Humanity is being forced against it's will into a new paradigm. One where we will be eating bugs and will no longer be happy.

Because at that point, all freedom is lost. We will be tracked from birth to death with everything known about us. What we eat. What our preferences are. What type of media we consume, what we think.

And...

It is very hard for me to find a silver lining in any of all this. A glimmer of hope. A chance to reverse all this damage and restore trust and faith in our institutions.

When human rights activists around the world turn a blind eye to the forced inoculation of billions of people on the planet, you know that society has given up its backbone and freedom will be a word that our children will have difficulty in imagining the meaning and experience of.

From birth to death.

A part of me is wanting to say, "well, quite a pickle we got ourselves into" in a way that keeps the door open for some recourse or lesson to be learned before society returns to normal.

It does not look like society will be returning to normal anytime soon.

We are being pushed towards the technocratic new world order where a small handful of individuals hold the keys to what we can and cannot do on this planet.

It seems, as I sat by the river looking out into the distance, that there will no longer be a point to living if we are not free to go about our lives unimpeded. We will have become slaves to a system that was meant to serve us and is now working to enrich the psychopaths who have installed themselves into the highest seats of power.

The less than 1% controlling 99% of the rest of us.

Whitesnake "Here I Go Again" is playing on my headphones as I write this. I have not listened to music for any meaningful length of time in the past couple of months. If not longer.

I am being reminded of days past that are no longer with us and unlikely to emerge again. For who knows how long.

Until humanity finds reason to be optimistic again, I suppose. Until we are free.

Stargate the movie spoke of aliens and their technology having enslaved us thousands of years ago. Eventually at the end, humanity pulls together and with the help of James Wood and Kurt Russell, finds their freedom restored.

Is this real life? Or is it a fantasy?

We're caught in a landslide going down to the bottom of the mud pit. 

And it will not be easy to extricate ourselves from this mess.

What's worse, it seems at least half the population is asleep to all that is going on and the ramifications of such evil being allowed free reign. 

But... it almost seems like they deserve such a fate for not being able to exercise discernment.

9/11 was the wake-up call. The test to see just how oblivious people are and how effective propaganda can be in presenting a false narrative that many shrug their shoulders and end up accepting. 

That collective shrug of shoulders is what got us here.

My heart and soul has finished weeping for their fate. There is not much anyone can do to help the sleepers awaken to what is going on. It has been over two years and each day something new is reported on that further closes the walls of our cell, resembling much the scene from A New Hope where Luke, Leia, Hans and Chewie are in the garbage compactor fighting with all of their strength to keep from getting crushed.

Except in this case, a good amount of people are not fighting with all of their strength. It almost seems as if they are simply sitting on the floor watching the few of us look upon them with disbelief at their unwillingness to turn the tides of their fate.

It seems that they choose to give up on humanity by giving up on themselves. By not exercising the gift of discernment which apparently, many have not developed to a degree sufficient enough to warrant a massive outrage against those responsible for the crisis we have found ourselves in.

Lord help us Jesus. Our souls are in your hands.

...and I cannot help but flinch inwardly as the brief recollection of past experiences flitter across my mind. 

Because there was more than 1 occasion that I felt myself to be that man crucified on the cross. Feeling as he felt. Thinking as he thought.

Loving as he loved.

His Father, who art in Heaven.

And with all I have studied and learned over the years, I feel like the Truth of our reality is emerging from its hidden depths as billions of us are being enslaved by a small group of power-hungry, psychopathic deviant tyrants.

That concrete block weighing down on my mind continues to press itself.

Harder and harder with each passing day.

Fear is the lowest level of faith.

May we experience the hand of God Himself at our side as we navigate this troubled, evil world.

May God save us.

For there would be no reason left to exist if he did not do so.

Survival of the fittest is a lie.

Truth can never be destroyed.

It will always find a way.

In this life or the next.

...

For there would be no reason to be.

If Truth was not upheld by a divine hand.,

For it would prove that divinity cannot exist should it fail to render aid at a time when help is most needed.

And that is the scariest part.

Fear is the lowest level of faith.

And we are immortal beings.

Let us go forth with sadness but with conviction and service of the Truth.

An empire of lies cannot last for long.

Before it crumbles.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go for good.